LARGETONY Blog

My favorite picture. Upward and onward.

So, here we are.  I decided about 18 months ago that this would be the end.  So, I knew it was coming.  Still I’m having a little trouble accepting it’s here.

I’ve thought a lot about what the Last Post would be. I even thought that I might write it ahead of time so that it would be perfect.  But, I’ve never written the blog that way (except for the occasional humorous fiction story).  I always just sat down and wrote what came out of my head.  The editing would happen on the fly.

If 99% of my 527 previous posts were composed in that style, I saw no reason to change it for the end.  So, I’m likely to ramble a bit.  I have so much I want to say, but have no idea where to begin.

Like the song says:

We didn’t make Forever

We’ve each got to go our separate way

And now we’re standing here helpless

Looking for something to say

When I began the blog on September 1, 2004 I had no idea what I was doing or even really why I was doing it.  I wasn’t even fully sure of what a blog was.

In a way I’m grateful for my ignorance.  It allowed me to just leap in blind and do my own thing instead of trying to fit into some definition of a blog.  And the result is something that is uniquely me.  Now, mind you, I don’t claim to have done anything ground-breaking or cutting edge.  Actually, it’s all pretty basic.  Nothing special.  But, you’re not likely to confuse it with anyone else’s.

It will probably sound corny (or even unbelievable) but writing this blog has been probably the most important thing to effect personal growth in my adult life.  I’ve gone through some significant change in the last four years, and a lot of it can be traced in some way back to the blog.

First, it has helped me gain confidence, ease many insecurities, and helped me accept that I have some worth and some talent as a writer.  Prior to 2004 I had not done any writing in about  six or seven years.  The guys I knew, went to high school with, and worked with didn’t do that.  So, I tucked that part of me away in the closet.  Buried it, actually.  So deep that I didn’t even do it on the down-low.

And so, on 9/1/2004 I wrote again.  Not much.  Just basically an introduction.  As if I had just moved into the neighborhood.  And I guess I had.

A neighborhood populated with people of all shapes, sizes, nationalities, incomes, opinions, tastes, and experiences.  Just having interaction as simple as comments and e-mails have opened my eyes to a world that would (and will continue) to offer me untold possibilities, proving that things I dreamed, even secretly, are pursuable and attainable.

One of the most profound and rewarding connections was also one of the first. On September 8, just one week after the first post went up, I received a long, luxurious e-mail from someone who has become probably the most important and influential person in my life other than Granny or the Attorney.  In that time we have run the gamut of emotions of true friends: laughter, worry, concern, support, anger, hurt, love and more.  Oh, how this Greyhound loves the Labrador.

A loner, by nature as well as by circumstance, I soon found myself almost instantly surrounded by other wonderful folks.  Folks with whom I could identify (and them with me); folks I could look up to; folks who could advise me; folks who would share; folks who would care.  You are those folks.

Because of you friends, I am what I have become today.  Without you all I would have never looked beyond my existence as it was four years ago.  I would have never decided to write my first book (which is what I am moving on to).  I would have never felt adequate enough to be with someone like the Attorney.  I would have never had the nerve to accept my impending job switch.  I would have never considered that I would ever really leave the state of Tennessee.  I still haven’t, but I know that one day I will. (And I know where that first trip is going to be.)

All of this, and so much more, is because of the connections, great and small, I have made with so many of you.  More that I could ever name.  More than I could ever adequately express my thanks for.  But, that won’t stop me from trying.

One of the things I am most grateful for is the way in which nearly all of you have conducted yourselves with me and within the environment of the blog.  In four years, there have been over 6,500 comments and, judging by the trash folder of my e-mail (which I never seem to empty) there have been about 9,200 e-mails. I could probably count on two hands the number of those that have been ugly or hateful.  You all have not always agreed with each other, or with me, but you’ve almost always handled things in a dignified way.  This has given my blog dignity.  So, once again, thank you.

If I was to say that this isn’t hard for me, then I’d be lying.  It’s really hard to say goodbye to people who have been so good to me.  But, I have to keep reminding myself that I am not saying goodbye.  I’m really not going away, I’m just going on to something else.

That’s why I didn’t call this post The Final Post. It’s the last…as in most recent, rather than final.  That keeps the door open for more.

I will keep the blog live.  For the new people who stumble upon it every day.  For those of you who may have a post you enjoyed and want to have the archives available.  And for me to keep up with all of you through my blog roll.

My blog roll…wow.  I don’t even know what to say about the fantastic collection of people, bloggers, minds, and personalities.  You all amaze me, intrigue me, inspire me, confound me, entertain me, and make me proud to say “Hey, I know him (her),  He/she is my friend.”

I want right now to thank each of you personally and say why I love you so much.  But, that could take hours, and I would no doubt leave out someone or something important.  Sure, I am closer to some of you than others, but trust that all of you are important to me in some way.

I feel like I am talking in circles now.  Maybe because as much as I know it is time to end, I don’t want to. But, the clock is ticking, the fat lady is warming up, and is ready to take the stage.

They aren’t fat ladies…but let them sing…

Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened. - Dr. Suess

P.S.  Tennessee football season begins tonight against UCLA. GO VOLS! (You didn’t think I was gonna get outta hee without mentioning football, did you?)

P.P.S. If the video has played through by the time you got to the bottom of the post, then start her up again and watch it.  (It’s got more to it than you think).I couldn’t figure out how to keep it from starting on it’s on.

I’m familiar with this position.  And the facial expression.  I’ve seen them both many times.  At the same time.  Yet, I’ve never been to a diving meet.  Ironic. (Click for full pic).

Checking to make sure it’s still all there.  WHEW, it is.

Because last night it wasn’t.

I got up in the middle of the night and it was gone.  All of it. And I wasn’t dreaming.  Or having a nightmare.  It was really gone.

My blog had disappeared.

I guess it was something with my hosting company or something, but there was only an “Install Wordpress” page.  I was afraid to push the install button for fear it would over-write four years of material.

So, I waited.  And it came back.

So, if you happened by the blog during that time, I’m still here. I haven’t closed shop early.  I have still a few more days and a few more posts.

Including this last HNT.

Keeping in the spirit, it’s still half.  But half doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not NSFW. (Click the pic).