The Last Post
My favorite picture. Upward and onward.
So, here we are. I decided about 18 months ago that this would be the end. So, I knew it was coming. Still I’m having a little trouble accepting it’s here.
I’ve thought a lot about what the Last Post would be. I even thought that I might write it ahead of time so that it would be perfect. But, I’ve never written the blog that way (except for the occasional humorous fiction story). I always just sat down and wrote what came out of my head. The editing would happen on the fly.
If 99% of my 527 previous posts were composed in that style, I saw no reason to change it for the end. So, I’m likely to ramble a bit. I have so much I want to say, but have no idea where to begin.
Like the song says:
We didn’t make Forever
We’ve each got to go our separate way
And now we’re standing here helpless
Looking for something to say
When I began the blog on September 1, 2004 I had no idea what I was doing or even really why I was doing it. I wasn’t even fully sure of what a blog was.
In a way I’m grateful for my ignorance. It allowed me to just leap in blind and do my own thing instead of trying to fit into some definition of a blog. And the result is something that is uniquely me. Now, mind you, I don’t claim to have done anything ground-breaking or cutting edge. Actually, it’s all pretty basic. Nothing special. But, you’re not likely to confuse it with anyone else’s.
It will probably sound corny (or even unbelievable) but writing this blog has been probably the most important thing to effect personal growth in my adult life. I’ve gone through some significant change in the last four years, and a lot of it can be traced in some way back to the blog.
First, it has helped me gain confidence, ease many insecurities, and helped me accept that I have some worth and some talent as a writer. Prior to 2004 I had not done any writing in about six or seven years. The guys I knew, went to high school with, and worked with didn’t do that. So, I tucked that part of me away in the closet. Buried it, actually. So deep that I didn’t even do it on the down-low.
And so, on 9/1/2004 I wrote again. Not much. Just basically an introduction. As if I had just moved into the neighborhood. And I guess I had.
A neighborhood populated with people of all shapes, sizes, nationalities, incomes, opinions, tastes, and experiences. Just having interaction as simple as comments and e-mails have opened my eyes to a world that would (and will continue) to offer me untold possibilities, proving that things I dreamed, even secretly, are pursuable and attainable.
One of the most profound and rewarding connections was also one of the first. On September 8, just one week after the first post went up, I received a long, luxurious e-mail from someone who has become probably the most important and influential person in my life other than Granny or the Attorney. In that time we have run the gamut of emotions of true friends: laughter, worry, concern, support, anger, hurt, love and more. Oh, how this Greyhound loves the Labrador.
A loner, by nature as well as by circumstance, I soon found myself almost instantly surrounded by other wonderful folks. Folks with whom I could identify (and them with me); folks I could look up to; folks who could advise me; folks who would share; folks who would care. You are those folks.
Because of you friends, I am what I have become today. Without you all I would have never looked beyond my existence as it was four years ago. I would have never decided to write my first book (which is what I am moving on to). I would have never felt adequate enough to be with someone like the Attorney. I would have never had the nerve to accept my impending job switch. I would have never considered that I would ever really leave the state of Tennessee. I still haven’t, but I know that one day I will. (And I know where that first trip is going to be.)
All of this, and so much more, is because of the connections, great and small, I have made with so many of you. More that I could ever name. More than I could ever adequately express my thanks for. But, that won’t stop me from trying.
One of the things I am most grateful for is the way in which nearly all of you have conducted yourselves with me and within the environment of the blog. In four years, there have been over 6,500 comments and, judging by the trash folder of my e-mail (which I never seem to empty) there have been about 9,200 e-mails. I could probably count on two hands the number of those that have been ugly or hateful. You all have not always agreed with each other, or with me, but you’ve almost always handled things in a dignified way. This has given my blog dignity. So, once again, thank you.
If I was to say that this isn’t hard for me, then I’d be lying. It’s really hard to say goodbye to people who have been so good to me. But, I have to keep reminding myself that I am not saying goodbye. I’m really not going away, I’m just going on to something else.
That’s why I didn’t call this post The Final Post. It’s the last…as in most recent, rather than final. That keeps the door open for more.
I will keep the blog live. For the new people who stumble upon it every day. For those of you who may have a post you enjoyed and want to have the archives available. And for me to keep up with all of you through my blog roll.
My blog roll…wow. I don’t even know what to say about the fantastic collection of people, bloggers, minds, and personalities. You all amaze me, intrigue me, inspire me, confound me, entertain me, and make me proud to say “Hey, I know him (her), He/she is my friend.”
I want right now to thank each of you personally and say why I love you so much. But, that could take hours, and I would no doubt leave out someone or something important. Sure, I am closer to some of you than others, but trust that all of you are important to me in some way.
I feel like I am talking in circles now. Maybe because as much as I know it is time to end, I don’t want to. But, the clock is ticking, the fat lady is warming up, and is ready to take the stage.
They aren’t fat ladies…but let them sing…
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Suess
P.S. Tennessee football season begins tonight against UCLA. GO VOLS! (You didn’t think I was gonna get outta hee without mentioning football, did you?)
P.P.S. If the video has played through by the time you got to the bottom of the post, then start her up again and watch it. (It’s got more to it than you think).I couldn’t figure out how to keep it from starting on it’s on.
September 1st, 2008 at 4:32 am
Tony,
I just wanted to wish you all the luck in whatever you do. I’m fairly new to your blog and have enjoyed reading your posts over the last year or so. I am very glad to have stumbled on your blog, and like everyone else, hate to see you go. Things change, people grow and move on, and now I guess it is your turn.
Robert
September 1st, 2008 at 4:53 am
You know, I knew this post was coming, but I’d forgotten it was today… and given the trying and irritating day I’ve had, well, it about puts a lid on the day for me…
You will truly be missed Tony, I’m sure I won’t be the only one to say it, but it’s true, and if I can just quote you back to yourself for a moment, you make me proud to say “Hey, I know him, he is my (blog-related)friend”.
Dammit, I’m not gunna cry writing a blog comment… dammit dammit dammit…
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us all Tony, thank you for letting us peek into your world and see (some of) what makes you tick. Thank you for sharing the story of the Attorney with us so we could delight in seeing you fall in love/lust/like/loins and find the happiness you deserve.
Now if I can paraphrase an Irish blessing…
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And, until we meet again,
May Jake (and the Attorney) hold you in the hollow of his hand.
September 1st, 2008 at 5:28 am
Take care, Tony. Take care of Granny and take care of the Attorney, and the world will take care of you. Bless your heart.
September 1st, 2008 at 5:51 am
You have brightened my life Tony and maybe even are responsible for rethinking myself and reaching out for a new and exciting chapter in my own life. Thanks and keep on loving Granny and the Attorney for as long as you have them in your life. I hope this is just my last comment, not the final one.
P.S. Never doubt your abilities or worth as a writer . . . or a person.
September 1st, 2008 at 7:52 am
There will always be a huge void, pun intended, where you were LT. I will really miss your sweetness and sense of humor. I remember the first time I heard you laugh on that radio show, it was just what I expected! I’ll never forget it and always imagine you laughing at one of my jokes. Maybe that’ll happen one of these days. Take great care of Granny; I know that you will. Best of luck with your book and new career. I expect to be invited when you wed the attorney. I’ll always treasure the day that I found your blog; I have been blessed since that day. Thank you so much!
Stay healthy…
Much love,
Sue
September 1st, 2008 at 7:57 am
So many corny thoughts and songs have popped into my head about “goodbyes” and the end… including “I quit you” but instead of trying to be a poetic writer myself, I just want to thank you- you rambling big dicked country boy for the entertainment, the honesty and providing a place to come to get out of my own mind over the last 3.5 years of my life.
September 1st, 2008 at 8:05 am
Vaya Con Dios, my friend. It’s been a great ride – for you and for us.
Don’t be a stranger.
September 1st, 2008 at 8:26 am
Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us, especially us random people out here in the dark. Thank you. I will miss reading your stories and adventures. Best wishes.
September 1st, 2008 at 8:49 am
Tony… It has been great getting to know you through your blog. I hope that we can stay connected. I am sorry we did not get to meet in SF for the gay blogger get togethers, and sorry we did not get to meet during this trip to TN… I am sure some day we will meet face to face, but until then I wish you, Granny and the Attorney the best… please keep in touch… I will keep your RSS feed open just in case you do make a random post. Smooches!
September 1st, 2008 at 8:56 am
Wow, what to say. I came across your blog because I wanted to know more about the man I saw on BM. Little did I think that that I would be checking several times a week to see what else is going on in your world. But, I am truly glad that I did. You are quite the man Tony. I am blessed to have had this time to peek into your world and see what goes in there. Looking forward to the book, Keep us posted. Thank you so much for being…………. well just being you. Good Luck my friend.
September 1st, 2008 at 9:24 am
Seriously LT… No Sunset… LOL… I’m not saying goodbye… I know you will be around… Thank you for keeping the blog up… When I miss you most, I can read…
You are an amazing man with considerable talents… I’m actually talking writing… this time
I send you positive energy, and wellness, on your journey…
So Much Love From Atlanta
Michael
September 1st, 2008 at 9:26 am
Oops… Forgot something… What a great photo… Awesome, absolutely love it…
Okay, now I’m out…
September 1st, 2008 at 9:48 am
And to end your post with a Dreamgirls song… how appropriate.
I’m sure we’ll see you around, Tony. In one way or another.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:28 am
MMMMwwwwoohhh! Be well baby. We’ll miss you, granny and the Vols.
STAY HAPPY.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:31 am
Thanks for being you. I’ve been enriched by having known you.Whenever I peruse the college football scores and see Tenn, I’ll think of you. Once again, be well and GO Vols!
September 1st, 2008 at 11:37 am
And here we are. The last post. I am more saddened than you will ever know, but I understand your reasons for letting go and moving on to other things. I want a copy of that book!
I’ll go ahead and say this. I don’t really care what the other readers might think.
Tony, you have been such an inspiration to me. Your words over the past four years have made me laugh, cry, think, and feel. You are a good man with a wonderful heart and a fascinating mind. From the bottom of my heart I thank you for sharing so much. When we met, from the first, I felt such an affinity for you and wanted so much to be your friend. I wanted it too much. I just didn’t know the right way to go about it. I suppose I see in you what I wish to cultivate in myself. I tried too hard and pushed when I should have just allowed. I sincerely apologize for all the negativity that I caused. I accept full blame and responsibility and I am sincerely sorry for my failures. I hope perhaps someday that you can forgive my stupidity. Forgive me for being so foolish. Forgive me for being so wrong. I am truly sorry.
But, I am also grateful. I am very grateful that we were able to share a few nice conversations and jokes along the way. I am grateful for the kindness that you showed to me. Kindness that I have not always deserved. Kindness that I have squandered. I am grateful that you have become a small yet significant part of my history. You inspire me to be a better man, and I am so very grateful for that. I am so very grateful for you.
In my heart, I have nothing but love and admiration for you, Tony, and I hope that all of your dreams and desires become manifested. Thank you so much for just being who you are. You are truly a good and kind man and I am so fortunate to have met your acquaintance. You have enriched my life beyond belief and I thank you.
May God bless you. So long, my friend.
September 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Tony:
I’m at a loss – literally. I have exactly one blog on my favorites list and checking in over the past three years (I didn’t show up until your sophomore year) has been a gift each week. I’m one of the thousands that never posted a comment or sent you an e-mail. I just listened and appreciated your story and what it could teach me. I believe what I admired in you three years ago remain your strengths today – humility, honesty, humor, an open heart and love of family.
What you’ll do – who knows? Who you’ll be – the same wonderful LT.
Thank you so much from your loyal reader in St Louis,
Paul
September 1st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Tony,
I haven’t commented much but have so enjoyed reading your posts – they have touched me, made me laugh and more than once made me teary-eyed. You have a natural writing talent and I will miss the weekly posts. Please keep us all in the loop!
Good Luck to you; take care of Granny. Thanks for sharing a part of you with all of us.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Oh Tony, someday you’ll have to write a piece for my blog! XOXOXOXOXOX
September 1st, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Tony,
Thanks for sharing. Good luck with the next chapter in the book that is your life.
-Ren
September 1st, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I have nothing more to say. If I were nearby, I’d drive over and kiss you right on the lips. For your friendship, for your fun, for you! Just for you. You’ve made my days happy and bright. Be in touch when you can. And don’t forget me if you start up another site. I want to know. Giant Portland hugs to one of my favorites.
September 1st, 2008 at 3:38 pm
All the best to you, Tony…it’s truly been a pleasure (and still will be, since I continue to make my way through your archives). Can’t wait to hear your announcement about the book…I’ll be sure to add a copy of your wit and wisdom to my library. And what a smexy author’s photo that’ll be… ; )
Peace, love and happiness whenever possible…and patience the rest of the time!
September 1st, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I always liked the farewell song to The Lawerence Welk Show (I bet you know it…) I felt it appropriate as my farewell to LargeTony, the blog. To Tony the man, I wish great success. Enjoy the dance they put together for the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2oJyzKvyc8
Good night, good night, until we meet again,
Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn til then,
and though it’s always sweet sorrow to part,
You know you’ll always remain in my heart.
Good night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you.
Here’s a wish, and a prayer that every dream come true.
And now to we meet again.
Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn. Good night.
Good night, Tony.
September 1st, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Well LT – the old saying goes, “All good things must come to an end.” I will surely miss reading your blog along with all your other many fans & friends.
I wish I had discovered it back in the beginning but will go back now in the Archives to the first post and move forward to where I came in (and probably end up reading up until this last post again).
Everyone has already eloquently stated what so many of us feel about what a wonderful person you are, how you’ve touched us all in so many ways with your beautiful and honest prose, and also thanked you for sharing so much of yourself with us – you do have a unique gift to draw people in and make them feel partof your life.
I will miss you, friend. Even though I haven’t had the priviledge some here have of meeting you or speaking to you in person, I’ll feel better knowing you are just a couple of hours down the road from me here in the Tri-Cities (Kingsport, Bristol, Johnson City).
Take wonderful care of yourself, Granny and the Attorney – Love with everything in you as even your time with them will seem but a moment one day.
Please keep in touch and I too look so forward to the publishing of your book when we can all celebrate with you the fulfillment of another of your dreams.
Ciao,
Michael B
September 1st, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Tony…what a great photo – a fitting end to a beautiful blog. I’ll miss your writing and your stories. Its been great…..blessing to you Granny and the attorney
Hugs
Fred
September 1st, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Today is a sad day: 1) Your blog has come to an end, and 2) today is the last day of my two-week vacation.
I honestly don’t know which saddens me more.
Best of luck to you—-I hope we’ll hear about your book soon!
September 1st, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Tony, I am relatively new to the blog, and have enjoyed it very much. I am sad to see it go, but I know that there comes a time when we must all move on. I wish you all the best and I hope that we haven’t heard the last from you. God bless you, Granny and the Attorney. Again all the best.
Johnny.
September 1st, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Tony, you take care. Wonderful things are ahead for you. Thanks for making me smile and cry and think…..
Be good!
September 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Be Good. Be Safe. Be Happy. I’m out with a great big old smile!
September 1st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Thanks buddy! It’s been nice “knowing” you over the past year and a half.
September 1st, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Look after yourself Tony,and thank Granny too. You will both be missed.Peace
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:02 am
I can’t believe the day is here. Be well, my friend. You will be missed.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:45 am
I don’t think your reason or connection to blogging was corny at all. I’ve watched you (so to speak) come out of your shell these last 4 years and it has been a wonderfully rewarding experience. I readily admit I originally came for the sex appeal but I stayed for the total package. I am honored to call you my friend.
I actually thought I’d be too sad when this day finally came but I’m not. Yeah, I’m sorry to see your blog go. Absolutely. And, I hope if you ever find the need to express yourself again, you’ll come back. That said, you obviously feel it is time to move onto bigger and better things and it sounds like you are ready for the adventure. I wish you all the best.
Btw, I really miss my t-shirt. Still sad about that…
Love ya T!
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 am
Well Tony, I was holding off on my comment until after the game so I could hopefully be boasting of a happy end to what started as a bittersweet day. But, the Vols choked. So now, I am doubly dissappointed. Naw, I’m just upset with the Vols.
This is the same feeling I get when I read the last page of a great book. Satisfied and looking to hear from the author again. I feel confident that I will. I feel kind of like one of those men that swear they just get Playgirl for the articles. I swear I stumbled on your blog with the purist of intentions…….the articles and writing. The pleasant surprise was the man doing the writing. I would be lying to say I didn’t enjoy the pictures as well. I find you handsome and charming, to be sure. But, I would have continued to check in on your blog daily if you had never posted a picture. Hell, the blog could have been called “Tiny Tony” and I still would be a friend of it (I’m glad that wasn’t the case, though). That’s how organically honest and pure I find your writing. It doesn’t hurt that we share Tennessee as home and I fell like I am sitting on the front porch, breakin’ beans and listening to that fellow “country boy that lives down the road”.
You have painted such vivid pictures with your words and shed a light for people around the world on life in these parts. You have shown without a doubt that being gay is only one layer of the onion of life, and even then, not always the most important one. It’s clear that it is imortant to you, but you keep a strong balance and your priorities in check. There is no doubt that those in your life feel loved and cared for, we (your blog friends) are a testament to that. Your retiring the blog is another testament to your “good ol’ southern horse sense”. I don’t like it, I don’t like it nary a bit. But I can’t be sad. I can only be excited about the next installation in the LT series.
Now I look forward to communicating with you about all things Vols, and hopefully one day running in to you and the Attorney at Neyland Stadium.
Thank you, Tony. This has been a treasurable 4 years. You are the epitome of a southern gentleman (with an adorable hint of hillbilly) and I will pray Godspeed for you, Granny and the Attorney before I hit the hay. Don’t be a stranger.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 am
We’ve had nearly 4 years together. I have really enjoyed your honesty and insight.
Good luck.
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 am
Wow, I feel like a good friend is moving away and that I will never hear from them again. You will be missed greatly. Good Luck and I look forward to reading your book in the near future!!!!!!!!!
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Tony, for me your blog has been two years of great morning coffee reading. It was something I very much looked forward to at the start of my day. I even went back to the beginning to catch up. All the best to you, Granny and the Attorney. You will be missed.!!!
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I’ve got a knot in my stomach and I feel my eyes are beginning to burn. I found your blog a little more than a year ago and went back and read all the entries from the beginning. What a joy. I received a little more than dozen emails from you and always felt flattered that you took the time to respond to comments I had left. I’ll be checking in from time to time to reread entries and hope that something has moved you to leave a new one. Meanwhile, I’ll wait until your book is published. Good bye, friend.
September 3rd, 2008 at 6:23 am
Be well. Be Happy. Find your joy.
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Goodbye Tony—ugh, I hate saying that! You are a very special wordsmith and storyteller, with a pun-ishing wit! Thank you for sharing yourself through your blog—it has been a joy and an honor to peek into your world, and laugh and cry and eagerly await each new posting, especially those revealing another sweet snippet of your love story! Whoa–big run-on sentence there!
I also must thank your incredible entourage of commenters, who have added a wonderful dimension to your blog. Kudos to all of you!
I wish you, Granny and the Attorney much happiness, love, and peace!
I look forward to reading your book!!
P.S. I’m really gonna miss those HNTs! Sigh.
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I loved reading you…
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Tony,
I want to thank you for sharing the post about your mother. I found that at a time when I really needed it, and it meant more to me than you can imagine.
Good luck with your future endeavors, and do not sell yourself short.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:04 am
Thanks for sharing so many great stories with us. The blogosphere will miss ya.
A book in the works? Color me intrigued. Promise m I can be the first blogger to interview you about it when it comes out. Preferably in the flesh …
All the best,
kenneth
September 4th, 2008 at 9:26 am
You will be missed. Loved reading your blog entries. Best of luck with Granny, Attorney, Life and the book!
September 4th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Oh man, I’ve been out of the blog loop too long. You’re a great writer! Keep it up in a new venue!
September 4th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I’m very excited to read that you are in fact writing a book. YEA!!! Now I have to leave you on my favorites list so I can check in to see when it gets published. Double YEA!!!
September 8th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Yours is/was one of the few blogs I read on a regular basis. I appreciate your sense of humor and your take on everything from the Vols to politics to life to sex. You make some keen observations and express them well. You will be missed by me and many others from the looks of things. I am happy for you that your life is moving forward even if it leaves a void in all of ours. Stay well and be happy.
Doug
September 9th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Well, good luck in your future endeavors my friend. I wish you well. Please keep us updated in your goings ons from time to time in some sort of capacity.
Good luck to the VOLS in the SEC EAST! I am not happy UT lost to a Pac-10 team for the second year in a row, but that was crazy to be playing California and UCLA in AWAY games. They would have been toast at Neyland Stadium.
Take care… BIG HUG to you, Granny, and the Attorney.
September 10th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Sorry to see you go handsome, but as Robert Frost once said, “nothing gold can stay…” Have a great new adventure, whatever it may be, just be sure to come back and visit once in a while ok?
Keep in touch… and if you’re ever out this way, make sure to let me know!
Love ya bud…
September 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Take care. I enjoyed being along for the ride.
And Granny — tell her she’s in my thoughts.
BTW. War Eagle.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 am
Wow, first time at this blog and now I realize this was the last post. But then I read that your going to keep the site up and all the archives available. I see I’m going to enjoy going over those archives. I read this post and think about when I first tried to blog, I thought it might still have existed but I looked at Blogger and it is gone, but it must have been 2-3 years ago. I really wish I’d have keep it going, manly because of this growth process you talk about. How much better I’d have been if it really could have been my Bitch Blog like I remember the title to be. I’m still going to add this site to my blog roll.
You are one photogenic guy and have tons of great and wonderful friends! Take care and good luck with your book!
November 26th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
thanks for the video
small things changes a world