Antibody
If Mario Lopez was a flesh-eating bacteria, I would be the picture of health. Because, apparently I am immune.
Despite his Latin heritage and the embarrassment of beauty God laid on him, he doesn’t turn my crank. I just don’t find him hot.
I know that everyone doesn’t find the same people attractive, but here’s the thing: I think Mario Lopez is extremely attractive. Without even factoring in the ripped body and bottomless dimples, he’s still loaded with plump lips and a big bubble butt: two things I love in a man. (And two things I love to BE IN, in a man.) But for some reason, his obvious gifts don’t work on me.
As visually stimulating as he apparently is to the rest of modern society, he couldn’t make my pecker rise with 20 helicopters, aircraft cable, and a crane.
I think that’s the problem with Mario for me. It’s all visual. There doesn’t seem to be a living breathing being underneath the perfect plastic outer layer. Maybe I am stereotyping, but where is the hot Latin blood pumping through?
He’s the Faberge egg of sex. Dazzling on display, but you can’t crack him open and scramble him, or even have him over easy, all wet and goopey, running down your chin.
You can argue that exceptionally beautiful people don’t have to be good in bed, because it’s their looks that get them laid, not their prowess. But, this is not about sexual ability. It’s about sexual energy. Heat. Fire. I have seen burned out sofas left in the rain smolder more.
Just like Barbie has asked of Ken for forty years, how is it that somebody so built for a good time can be so sexless?
But, Mario is even worse than a Ken doll. He’s a Stepford Ken doll. Only without the obedience. If he truly obeyed my wishes, he’d offer up a little bit of Dirty Lopez…oh, and stop trying to act.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:31 am
He is beautiful to look at.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Exactly.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’ll bet he manscapes…
July 28th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
You are being mean, and I don’t think you intend it. Celebrity doesn’t imply availability. (How many guys, for example, have said they’d like to have sex with you, just because of your size and shape and blog?) You don’t have to like him, nothing wrong with that, but he is what he is–eye candy for the world.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Mario is very well put together, but I agree with most of what you said, he’s pretty and that doesn’t DO anything for me..
Does Granny say, “Pretty is as Pretty does” to you”? Because Auntie used to say it all the time and I finally figured out what it meant.
Lots of people are “pretty/handsome/hot/ or all of that AND a bag of potato chips” to every other person on the planet and I still wouldn’t let them eat cookies in my bed.
Give me Christopher Eccleston, Sean Connery, Tony Geary or Paul Blackthorne and THEY make my engine rev, none of them are conventially good-looking but their personality and their spirit (for lack of a better word) shine through and put them on my top 10 list of fantasies…
And add in the fact that they can all act, and woof, woof, LOL..
Eye candy has it’s place but I think sometimes we as a society give too much credence to how “hot” someome appears and not enough to what type of person the come across as (Brittany Spears, anyone?) or whether they actually deserve the accolades they receive and aren’t just in reality “the flavor of THIS month”..
And if you must have your hot blooded latin lover types: Give Antonio Banderas or Antonio Sabata Jr. a shot, they are both well worth the loading of the weapon, LOL.
Nice to see you posting today, Tony..
July 28th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I agree with you: While I wouldn’t kick him out of bed (not that he’d ever agree to be in it), something about him turns me off. Might be an attitude thing.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
You’re so right on that one.
A good friend thought I needed to see a shrink after I turned down a guy that was my archetype slow comfortable screw and after allot of ribbing what I finally told him was that after talking to the guy; there was no way I could ever be intimate with him ’cause he was hollow. There was nothing behind the facade- so sex was totally out of the question.
He couldn’t even fall into my Vegas number rating system. On a scale of 1-10, he’s a 16. Not worth the effort, but the nights been long, It’s a quarter to closing time and you don’t wanna go home alone, so you push the dealer and ‘hit it’ anyway.
Muscles/cute/empty, not worth it. AT ALL.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
hmmm maybe that’s why he can’t keep a woman =\
July 28th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
To each his own. I don’t really care for him either. I don’t get what you see in Jake. I have a thing for Sean Bean. To each his own. That is all there is too it. Vive la difference!
July 28th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Somehow I think that if his lips and ass presnted themselves toyou (with all apologies to the Attorney), you just might rise to the occasion. You might be surprised. Flesh in the flesh can be a very powerful thing.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I’m with you on this, but isn’t this what is so cool about attraction. Someone like Daniel Craig who (let’s face it) has a face that looks like it has been hit by a bus, has the ladies (and a few men) salivating. I watched Adam Sandler’s movie last night, Don’t Mess With the Zohan. Adam Sandler doesn’t do it for me, but I thought his character was hot. Funny. Brad Pitt? Not interested, until he got with Angelina Jolie, turned grey and lost the pecs. Go figure!
July 28th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I don’t know. I’m sure he’s just fine. I tend to judge people by what’s on the inside rather than what’s on the out. Even then, I don’t really judge, I just observe. That said, I’m more attracted to someone who has a flaw or two. It tends to make them more real and nothing is more attractive than someone who is honest and real.
July 29th, 2008 at 3:45 am
Although I can totally understand and agree with your need for there to be some substance to a guy when it comes to love and passion, there is also that slight possibility that Mario Lopez does have all that passion and that substance that you require. The unfortunate thing is that he is a celebrity who’s beauty is being exploited to the extreme, so I don’t think anyone except Mario’s closest friends and family really know what he is like as a person… so you never know, under that “plastic beauty” you claim he has, he may have a heart of gold and a brain that would intrigue the brightest of intellectuals… and maybe he feels the same about his granny like you feel about yours. You never know.. he could be a total sweetheart… just no one knows it because maybe he’s a private person
July 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
and whats up with the helicopters, cranes and cable–braggart, but a good one.
July 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Great discussion, all of it. I can only add, “Thanks for the picture, Tony!”
: )
July 30th, 2008 at 9:50 am
I’d do him. In a pinch.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
OH, I looove Mario Lopez. He was sexiest on that all male show that tried to compete with the View. He allowed his slightly feminine authenticity out and that on top of the looks made him killer hot to me. Yes, I agree, the playing straight thing gets old.
The one I can’t figure out and never will: Brad Pitt. I don’t see what people see in him. The first time I saw him in Thelma and Louise I thought “nice abs for a dweeb.”
July 31st, 2008 at 3:55 am
Being attractive and being attracted to someone are different things. I’ll admit I wouldn’t say no to him however, he would be my first choice. I prefer rough to pretty.
July 31st, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Sometimes the HW looks good, but the SW ruins it.
August 1st, 2008 at 2:50 am
You’re just saving yourself for Zack. Personally I’d tap Screech, but only because I heard he’s packing some serious heat in his pants.
August 1st, 2008 at 4:08 am
Funny, because my bf says the exact same thing.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am
It’s true.
Beautiful people don’t have to try to be good in bed; they just think they are.
August 12th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Mario, who? Actually I have heard of him, but so what. I completely agree with you in regards to him not doing anything for you, me neither. It’s the plastic quality that seems to be inherent with media types, whether it’s TV, films or porn, they’re just not real enough for me. Save the clones, give me a real man anyday!