Cripple Leading The Cripple
There are now two people in this house who are stooped over, shuffling slowly across the floor, and have trouble taking the stairs. Two of us who have to brace ourselves against some some support to get up from a chair.
Yes, I said us. Because I am one of the two. Granny, of course, is the other.
Late Sunday afternoon during some horseplay in the park with the Attorney (not the sexual kind, just the buddy kind) and a frisbee, I did something to strain my lower back. I’m not even sure exactly what I did or when it happened because I didn’t even notice it until we were walking back to his SUV and suddenly felt a kink in my back.
It was a little tender stepping up into the vehicle but by the time we got back to his place my back had tightened so much that I couldn’t stand up straight. For the first time in nearly 20 years I was under 6 feet tall. I was in so much pain and so stooped over that he had to help me out of the car and into the house.
Somehow, in the previous twenty minutes, I had become my granny. Or, at least, I was in a position to identify with her.
I was suddenly able to appreciate what it’s like to know you need someone to help you physically, but at the same the loss of dignity that comes with it. It’s really quite embarrassing.
But, I drew the line at him helping me on and off the toilet. It would have been one thing if I was taking a piss and he wanted to come in and hold it. (Although that would have nothing to do with back pain.) But, if I had to crawl, roll, or rappel I was going to take a shit on my own.
I tried to lay down so he could massage my back, but it was actually more painful to lay flat than to stand and impersonate a question mark. So, I leaned forward on the kitchen counter while he pressed his thumbs into my lower back.
It didn’t do any good. At least not from what I could tell. I think I was too worried about my condition to relax. Or maybe, being bent over a slab of granite, I subconsciously worried I was about to be penetrated.
The worst thing was that I still had an hour and half drive home ahead of me. So, the Attorney helped me into my truck and I was on my way.
Actually, the drive was not so bad since I was not standing. It was was once I got home and needed to get out of the truck, across the yard, up the porch steps, and into the house that I was in trouble. What I could normally do in 30 seconds, probably took 2-3 minutes.
I must have looked like an extra from some bizarre sequel to Cocoon, where instead of looking old yet moving young, it was the other way around. You’d have thought I was fifteen years older than the Attorney rather than fifteen younger.
Once inside, Granny instinctively reverted to former role as caretaker. She was no less stooped than I was, but I guess the difference is that hers is from aging where mine was from pain.
She went for the top drawer of her dresser. That’s were she keeps a mysterious jar of some sort of salve or balm (or whatever you want to call it.) It stinks to high heaven and apparently the fat little jar is bottomless because it has been in that drawer for years and I don’t think its anything you buy in stores. Maybe she makes up batches of it in a hidden cauldron while I’m at work.
I took my shirt off and leaned on chair while she smeared my lower back with the greasy goop. And afterward she tried to go upstairs (which she has not done in probably 3 years) to get me a change of clothes, but I knew that would be too much for her. So, I took the stairs myself. One at a time.
Sleeping that night was impossible. I don’t sleep well anyway. But my only year-old mattress seemed to enhance the pain. I guess because I was attempting to lay flat. I had felt much better semi-upright on the sofa earlier in the evening, so I hobbled back downstairs and snoozed a little bit there.
I missed work on Monday, and Granny and I spent most of the day on the sofa watching daytime TV in between shuffling to and from the bathroom or kitchen. like an old married couple.
I actually thin Granny got a little bit of a kick out of it. Maybe it reminded her of the last year or so with my Grandaddy.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:26 am
You may want to see a doctor to get a muscle relaxer. From what you say, I have no idea how badly you are hurt though. Do you think you have slipped a disc, or pulled a muscle? A slipped disc is more serious, obviously. Let’s say for argument’s sake it is a pulled muscle since you are young and healthy. Assuming you have medical insurance (do you?) see a Dr. and get some drugs and a scrip for physical therapy. I have done it for my back and it worked wonders. PT speeds healing and relieves pain. Don’t tough it out. See a Dr. and get treatment. Take care of my LT! I hope you feel better soon!
June 24th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Use Tiger Balm Patches, they aren’t greasy and the balm gets into the tendons s well as the muscles so they help unkink everything (& they don’t smell as bad as my Granny’s linament, not that your Granny’s smells bad, you didn’t say so anyway).. You can buy them at Wally World or most anywhere and have Granny try them too!
I use them for everything (insect bites, pulled muscles, headaches, heck I even used them on a dog bite once!) they don’t hide the pain but they will make it easier to move (you want to know when it hurts but not necessarily want to FEEL it, if you know what I mean?)….And on the nights when you want to sleep & can’t quite get there they help ease your mind down a bit so you can stop thinking and sleep..
June 24th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Some of your beloved Vols have probabaly experienced similar symptoms. How fortunate you are to have such loving care from Granny and the attorney. This has made you more aware of your vulnerabilities and that can be a good thing.Your empathy for others has increased.
Sue’s right,see a professional and take it easy for a bit. I guess we can scratch your entry in the ” rump shaker” contest?
June 24th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Heal.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:16 am
In addition to more conventional remedies, I’m sure some extra TLC from the Attorney would help. I mean the cuddling and back rubs, etc…you’re probably not “up” for the major gymnastics now anyway!
June 24th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ahh, it has started! Welcome to the aging process my friend. I know how you feel. “How did I do this?” “This can’t be happening to me?” etc. No matter how active you are, there just comes a time when things start to hurt.
You probably pulled something and should have it checked. I remember one time the bf bent over to pick up a soccer ball and tweaked something. Later that evening he couldn’t get up. So I yanked him off the floor, threw him over my shoulder and off to the emergency room we sped.
The doctor gave him a shot in the cheek, (none to gently I might add) and we were off to his house. Took a little while for him to be back on the soccer field.
Ibuprofen is usually what I use to dull the pain of sports injuries 800mg worth.
Get Healthy!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Muscle spasm is a major component in back pain and heat is a good muscle relaxant. Applying local heat is not a pleasant thing to do in the summer, but it works. In addition to painkillers, try to use hot water bottles or heating pads and sticky patches. Salonpas is a good brand. They make “mild” patches and “hot” patches that contain capsaicin, the stuff that makes chili peppers fun. I use capsaicin on my nipples when I’m in a bad-boy mood
June 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Yup. Ibuprofen (Motrim/prescribed 600 or 800 mg). It has saved me many times. Misery doesn’t always love company.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I might suggest a chiropractor. Much cheaper than traditional docs who throw drugs or surgery at the problem. The cost of x-rays from a chiro doc are also significantly cheaper. A simple set would give you a good indication as to what the problem is. Muscle spasms can be very severe. Hope you recover quickly.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
hey LT … oh man, full sympathy from NYC.
how about a chiropractor? … I was similar predicament after falling off a horse a few years ago, Dr couldn’t/didn’t do anything … went to a chiropractor specialising in sports medicine … first “adjustment” hurt like hell, then BOOM … relief … after a couple of months, it was like it never happened ..
check this out … Michael T Petty is chiropractor for the Vols, - i.e., he speaks Southern - and just got selected to work as team Doc for US Track & Field Olympic try-outs. He’s in Knoxville.
http://www.drmichaelpetty.com/
http://www.wbir.com/sports/story.aspx?storyid=59896&provider=rss
June 24th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Aging schmaging!
I did this ten years ago in my apartment in NYC. Beautiful boy of 30 (not old!) sitting on kitchen chair reaching around and down to tie my shoe laces. . . couldn’t come back up.
You have throw out your back?!? I used to laugh at the back pain people but not now. It took three day of rest. I too believe in advil as the pain pill of choice.
I have never had it again and I am the ripe ol’ age of 40. It happened just once. SOmething to never look forward to again!
June 25th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Wow, take care of yourself, puppy. Give yourself time to heal.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Get thee to a doctor (chiropractor or orthopedic surgeon)! Get well soon!
June 25th, 2008 at 6:47 am
As a licensed massage therapist may I make a few suggestions:
Go ahead and sleep on your new mattress, just put some pillows under your knees to elevate your legs to take the pressure off your back. If you feel the need to sleep on your side, put a pillow between your knees to even out your spine.
Ibuprofen, Ibuprofen, Ibuprofen - 200-400mg every 4-6 hours, it’s to make sure you keep the level of pain reliever in your system at an appropriate level to key the pain at bay.
Take a very hot shower, as hot as you can stand and let the water run on your lower back to increase the blood flow and relax up the muscles.
If the pain doesn’t lessen after three days, go to the doctor and get an xray, although by your description, I would say is muscular strain rather than spinal injury.
And lastly, whine a lot. It may not lessen the pain or relieve the stiffness in your lower back, but it’s just plain fun!
Feel better soon.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Hope U Feel Better soon….
June 26th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I’ve been where you are…I carried something like an idiot a couple years ago and every once in a while…I become a human question mark.
If it’s still a problem…or if it happens again…I’ve found taking 2 Tylenol PM (I prefer generic but I digress) helps relax the muscles in question and you wake up with some relief.
PJ