My Super Sweet 500
The 500th post.
It’s about 2 AM. I can’t sleep. I don’t sleep. If it weren’t for the fact that I love garlic, I would wonder if I had some vampire in my blood.
I just came in from the screen porch. It’s such a great night out. About 65 degrees. Just cool enough to firm up your nipples, but not enough to give you the chills.
Sitting in my underpants, a gentle breeze licked across my torso and legs and brought with it a cocktail of Spring scents: the sweet of honeysuckle; the savory of fresh cut grass; and the bitter of Bradford Pear trees.
If the smell is not the Bradford Pears then somebody downwind just got a facial from an entire football team. (In case you don’t know, the blossoms smell like cum.)
The nearly full waning moon filtered through the trees and highlighted the white of my undies, as well as my untanned pastiness where I’m covered by a shirt and shorts at work. Astrologists say that a waning moon is the time to wind down and bring things to completion.
So, was the moon a sign telling me to work my semi up and add to the stench of the Bradfords? I am a Cancer and we are ruled by the moon. (And the astrologers never specified the kind of completion.)
Or maybe the moon was just saying “relax and get that 500th post over with.”
I never thought I would make it to 500. Not at the rate I post, anyway. Some bloggers hit 500 in their first year. Yet, here I am closing in on the end of year four and just getting around to it.
A few weeks ago, when I saw number 500 on the horizon, I got it into my head that it would have to be something special. A great post. Maybe even the best post ever.
I thought I would shit my britches.
And I probably would have if I wasn’t so constipated with self-induced writer’s block.
It’s funny how we do this to ourselves. How we will go out of our way to give significance to the things that are already significant on their own. It’s like we put ourselves through an endless cycle of “My Super Sweet 16.”
We get so focused on our grand entrance (you have to watch the show) and the Mercedes that we lose sight of the really significant things like loving parents, good friends, a roof over our heads, and all the other things that made it such a super journey to sixteen.
My journey to the 500th post has been about just spitting out whatever is rolling around in my head on any given day. Even the “planned” posts like Hump Day and HNT are still subject to what’s going on in the moment. Some of it good. Some of it not so good.
And if it ever on occasion was great, it was purely by coincidence. Just another spit.
And so is number 500.
NOTE: I actually wrote this in the wee hours of the morning of Thursday, May 22. I didn’t realize until today that I must have pushed the “save” button instead of “publish.” I guess I should read my own blog.
May 25th, 2008 at 1:43 am
I’m very familiar with the scent of that particular Pear tree. I clearly remember the first day I associated that smell with that of cum; but obviously had to keep it a secret. It’s not something one blurts out as a teen to anyone! Anyhow, happy 500th.
May 25th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Congrats on your 500th post… Okay so your sitting on the screened porch, moonlight gleaming off of your almost naked body, and you have a semi… uh huh, and then…
May 25th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Happy journey Tony… I’d wish you 500 more, but that’s not going to happen now is it…
May 25th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Happy 500!!! funny it kind of coincides with the Indianapolis 500 this weekend… tee hee… I too am a Cancer and my moods swings with the moon like you would not believe, well you would… hehehe… have a great weekend!!
May 25th, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’m with Syn. Congrats on your 500th post. Now you have a semi, so what happens next…
May 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Congrats and happy returns, my friend. I’m still sad that it’s ending soon.
May 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I wouldn’t worry so much about only hitting your 500th post in the fourth year. Quality is always more important than quantity and Lord knows you’ve always put out the good stuff. I’d wait patiently for another 500.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
A friend and I were walking through Raulston Arboretum in Raleigh Friday and I kept smelling something that smelled like cum to me. As it turned out, a Chestnut tree was in bloom. I now plan to plant as many chestnuts as I can find
May 25th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I doubt that Bradford pear trees will grow out here, but I am going to try.
I was worried about your having put too much pressure on yourself for number 500. But you did well. As usual. Thanks.
May 25th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
YAY! 500. Now just 500 more!
Btw, Indy 500 is today.
May 25th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Kudos to you on reaching 500 posts! It’s a pleasure to have enjoyed all the others as well.
My problem appears to be of the olfactory kind. I always thought that the substance described was odorless! And Lord knows I’ve been around enough of it.
Do you think it’s like a dog whistle? A fragrance only some can smell?
May 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Honey, it’s just a blog. Ain’t no big thing.
May 25th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Thanks. For all 500 and however many more are to come.
May 26th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Very nice as usual.
May 26th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Another moon-affected Cancer here—I didn’t realize I was in such good company…..
I’m glad you found the “publish” button….please remember to push it some more times before you retire the blog, ok?
May 27th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Congrats on the 500th. Are those wrinkles?
May 27th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
No big deal perhaps, but still a landmark, nonetheless…always a pleasure to read your words, Tony! So that’s the Bradford pears that smell such, eh?
June 11th, 2008 at 4:29 am
I don’t surf often. And even less since I’ve retired my blog. But, I’ve peeked in on you over the years. Am surprised you’re only at 500! But what I nice entry to commemorate.