Sleepless In The Smokies
I sleep next to the window.
I don’t know whether its because I can look up into the sky at night or that I look up into the sky at night because I sleep next to the window.
Either way, I sleep next to the window. And I always have.
I think that when I was a very small kid, I did it to escape. Because, when you look straight up, you see nothing but sky. Even in your periphery.
When you look straight up, you lose everything around you. You’re no longer where you are. Where you are is no longer.
I often needed that as a kid: for where I was, to be no longer.
In time, both my parents were dead and I moved in with my grandparents. I was no longer where I had been and where I had been was no longer.
I didn’t plan it that way. Or wish it, when I would look into the sky at night. But, evidently the universe had to collect, in some way, on making my night daydreams come true.
Last night there was a bright moon. Not full. Waning, I think. Even the moon was no longer where it was.
It took me so that where I am was no longer. It took me to the attorney. I wondered if the moon lit up his room the way it did mine. Was he looking straight up into the sky on the same moon? If the moon had been a giant mirror and we had super human vision would would we have been able to gaze at each other?
Probably not. He doesn’t sleep next to the window.
Plus, I doubt he ever feels the need to escape.
I don’t sleep well. I never have. And when don’t sleep, I look out the window up into the sky.
What if the universe takes that as a sign to collect again? That I no longer need to be where I am.
Granny is not doing well.
It worries me. So, I don’t sleep.
And I look out the window up into the sky.
March 27th, 2008 at 1:38 am
Tony, you make me smile, cry, and ponder all at the same time. I love the night sky too, the moon and the quiet make me feel safe. Last night (and the night before) the moon was beautiful, strong, and comforting.
I have fallen in love, for the first time with a man, but he lives a continent away to the south. It will take a while for us to be together on a long term basis, but I too look at the moon and think it is helping to light his night sky in the tropics while I am in chilly DC. The night is also the time we talk and ’see’ one another, so it is doubly wonderful, the night sky here and my beautiful man there.
I worry about your granny for you, Tony. She seems to be a bulwark in your life and the source of a lot of affection and wisdom. You once said in a note to me, she has helped make you the kind of man you are. She has done a top notch job. I am glad the attorney is in your life, because as one moon wanes, another moon waxes.
I didn’t use the night sky to escape like you did, but I did use it for my amusement and to make me feel my proper place in the cosmos. I love it still.
Tony, your beautiful soul shines brighter in your writings than the north star, the full moon and Venus combined.
Thanks for enriching my night.
Gene
March 27th, 2008 at 5:16 am
I hope your Granny feels better soon.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Tony,
Gene said it all so eloquently.
The night sky is a favorite place of mine to get lost, too. I dream of the day when the human race will overcome petty differences, find peace and begin exploring beyond our solar system to find beauty, mystery and perhaps other intelligent species.
I hope your grandma gets better soon. I can only imagine how her poor health is weighing on your mind. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Dave
March 27th, 2008 at 8:07 am
What an eloquent post. But now I am worried about Granny too. I am sending healing thoughts South to her and best wishes to you.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Such beauty and poignancy in your words… I’ll be keeping you and your granny in my thoughts.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:07 am
im sorry about granny. my thoughts are with you and your granny.
it is a truly beautiful post. i sleep next to the window as well. and love staring up at the moon…and have it stare back down at me.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:09 am
I often try to take photographs from the ground looking up. THe perspective is 100% different than anything else, as you’ve pointed out. And I love the sky…especially the night sky. It’s funny…because I’ve noticed that whenver I say to someone “Gosh, it’s a beautiful night sky, isn’t it?” that they look at me like I’m kind of crazy for noticing. But we kindred spirits are that way,aren’t we? We notice those things. My arms of good thoughts and prayers go out to you and Granny today. Tell Granny thanks for the prayers for my sister. She was released from jail yesterday….which you’ll see in my post. I’m sure it was, in part, to Granny’s prayers.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Control and the universe are mysterious things. IF influence were possible I would council you that the universe must hear of your love for your grandma as well as your love for your attorney. Wanting more time with your attorney doesn’t mean you want less time with your grandma. Wishing you have more than you have is not a bad thing, it is a human thing. I take comfort in my belief that things will happen as they are meant to happen.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:03 am
God Bless Granny. I lost my Father this month and my world has changed. For the first time in my life I feel as though I am on my own . He believed I could do anything. When you grow up with that kind of support it helps you to stand confident. I am remembering that now because I feel off balance. God Bless Father.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I too was admirirng that recent moon. Granny is in my prayers.You too.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I did the same thing when I was a kid … staring up into the night sky, becoming a part of something bigger than me. I still often keep a vigil during the night, standing at the window looking out, watching the moon cast her light over the world. I imagine that moonlight spilling into the rooms, and over the graves of those I love. It’s an intimacy that connects me to a love that never ceases.
Granny will always be with you, wherever you are. Always.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I, too, feel a strong connection with the moon and its wondrous presence. I was very moved by your post, Tony, and the awesome replies offered by your beautiful and eloquent readers.
My thoughts and prayers are also with you and Granny.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you - my grandma (who was in a home - long story) when I used to visit her would tell me - that she couldn’t start treating my mom nice now - because then she (my mom) would think she was crazy
My grandma loved the moon - and after she died, I used to tell myself that she was looking down from the moon and watching out for me
March 27th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I’ll be praying for your granny and you in helping her. Nice post. I liked the connection with your wondering about the attorney and how the moon shines in his room and if he looks out of the window. Romantic. Nice.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Often, I too find myself late at night, watching the moon and stars. Wondering, worrying, wishing, waiting. I’m a firm believer that all things happen for a reason, that no meetings are accidental, that everyone enters and exits our lives with a purpose, and that the Universe has perfect timing. It’s just not always easy to see it at the time.
I continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Hey LT… great post… I’m sorry to hear that Granny’s not doing so good… You and Granny are in my thoughts… As I read your post, I couldn’t help but wonder if she slept by a window… When she gazes at the moon, what does she see… Her husband, children, you being happy? Maybe she travels to when she was young and free, falling in love for the first time… a conversation with Granny would be awesome… all the experiences shes gathered over the years… Although she would probably just ask me why I have so much metal in my head… Why I would want to do that to myself…
Sorry for the ramble… Just thinking about Granny, and missing my Grandma…
Love from Atlanta
March 28th, 2008 at 9:41 am
LT,
Again a really wonderful post. I’m sorry to hear about Granny. You both are in my thoughts. If you need to talk let me know!
Jim (AKA Tonka)
March 29th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I wish the best for you and granny.
March 29th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Looking up at the moon always made me feel small and insignificant. In the grand scope of things we really are. I always found an odd sort of comfort in knowing that. Life is a gift and the best we can hope for is to love and be loved. I have know doubts about the love you have for granny and she you.
I hope for the best T.
April 4th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I loved this post, Tony. It evoked sweet memories in my mind and brought tears to my eyes and joy to my soul. You are an amazing wordsmith. May I join everyone else who’s grown to love and admire you and Granny over the years and say the warmest, sincerest thoughts and good wishes are sent your way both for Granny’s health and your life. I will leave you with a couple of quotes regarding the moon -
“I’m standing on the moon, with nothing left to do, with a lonely view of heaven, but I’d rather be with you”
“The night walked down the sky with the moon in her hand.”
“May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.”