Guest Star Tuesday, number six
Todd at “IMNOT2BZY”
A sweet-natured small-town boy from the midwest, with a dirty sexy streak on the inside and a six-pak to lure them in with on the outside. His blog is a very open account of his growing up, relationships, his playlist (music, that is), and various bees in his bonnet.
Fuck buddies?
My online profile pictures probably aren’t indicative to what I am looking for. Perhaps I should use a sharpie and write, “Marry me” across my tummy.
I’m sure we are all aware of the term, “Fuck Buddy”. There is no attachment, no commitments. Someone you can call on perhaps when either party is in the mood to bump uglies together.
Okay, so I like the idea of it, I just can’t deal with the concept. Why? Well I am the kind of guy that gets emotionally attached to fast for my own good. I’ve had my fair share of fuck buddies, all of them being GREAT in bed. Hence the reasons they become fuck buddies. Who wants to have repeat sex with someone that is lousy in bed? I’m beginning to think I should. That’s probably the only way I am not going to get attached. I’ve gotten attached to them all on some level.
So now you might ask, “What’s wrong with getting attached?” In my case all of them don’t want a commitment. Sorry, if we get along great and the sex is mind-blowing, damn straight I am going to get attached. The easy solution is, when it comes to fuck buddies make sure you are in both agreement that it could lead to attachment and further commitment. Duh! Right?
It doesn’t always work that way though. Mention commitment and emotional attachment to a fuck buddy and they will run. After all that’s the whole reason they are doing it right, no strings. I think we are better off with just one time only flings. Fuck it and run.
Granted, every now and then you will come across a fuck buddy who gets just as attached as you do.
This all came to me because; I recently met a sexy guy. You just want to paw at him and growl at it. Woof! I digress though. Sexual chemistry is wonderful; just want to play with him for hours. So I have gotten a little attached already. I’m eager to know more about him and spend time with him outside the bedroom. So, I bring it up to him about where things are going. He’s not sure; he does not want anything serious. He is still trying to figure out what he is looking for in a relationship. He doesn’t want to bring anybody into to that or along for the ride while he trying to figure that out. I can respect that. It took me some time to figure that out myself. I have heard that so many times though, actually the last person I dated was like that and said something very similar to that affect.
People wonder why we are so bitter and jaded. There seems to be such a vast majority of people out there that don’t want to get caught up in anything serious. We’ve given them the benefit of the doubt so many times, to only just get burned in the end that we just become these cold unattached people. You just begin to think that, “Oh this one will just be like the last one.” Bad thing is, when the right one comes along you will over look it and write them being like all the rest. It is like there is this big pool of gay men that just have one night stands because they’ve been burned so many times. They have given up on the idea.
I don’t want to be like that. I’ve tried very hard not to start that way of thinking. So I can understand and relate why it is so hard to find the guys that want something serious.
I’ve been told many times, “It’s not on the internet.” True, it probably isn’t. I can say that I have met some great guys from the internet. Who would make great boyfriend material; problem is their head hasn’t been in the right place. Hell, maybe mine isn’t either.
I want my cake and eat it too. Maybe it should be, “I want my trick and marry it too”.
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February 19th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
My god that was like reading my own thoughts!
Sydney is one city full of poofs wanting to avoid serious committment at all costs, even if they have a boyfriend they all fuck around.
February 19th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Wow. Did I write this? You’d think so. Everything Brenton said is even true. I wrote a blog about gays (specifically men) being ready for marriage. I don’t think so based upon behavior I see for a lot of people, but there are some who want, and find, meaningful committed relationships that lead to marriage, so I guess that some are…? It’s sad that so many sell out for something less and cheat themselves from what they really want. I’ve kind of been there once, but felt so bad afterwards. I just don’t want to cheat myself for something I don’t want in the end. Ultimately, I think that if guys would just not put out, a lot of confusion and hurt feelings wouldn’t happen. Not that I have succeeded in stopping hurt feelings over a lack of reciprocation, but I’ve been told that it doesn’t hurt as much if you don’t put out. I don’t put out, but it still hurts if it happens. Good post.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:10 am
I have been wondering why Brenton cannot find a man to date regularly. Now I see why! Well put Todd; my vision clears and I see all! No strings attached sex is what is killing dating for you guys. That is so sad! I hope you find your love in spite of it all!
February 20th, 2008 at 10:44 am
love is tough. sex is easy(ier).
i have to follow the voices of breton and jay. i could have written this and actually started writing a brief like this for valentines day but it just got too complex and upsetting. there are so many out there too scared to try because of what their past experiences were like. but i say carpe diem. or at the very least seize love and life while its still around! you never know when it will be snatched away.
it hurts if you put out a little or a lot.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I’ve always said it’s much easier to find a lover than a friend or boyfriend. Just head over to the nearest gay bar. I wish it were that easy to find the latter.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Great post Todd … but I think I need to play devil’s advocate here …
I Know that at any moment there are, in the midwest, in Sydney, all over, any number of amazing guys looking to fall in love, wanting to fall in love, waiting for You to come along …
But speaking as a full-blown Ninja shop-a-holic … dudes, you don’t go shopping for Prada at Wal-Mart!
Shopping for love? A pool of self-proclaimed ‘fuckbuds’ is probably not your most promising assortment. And the ‘fuckbud’ label on your own forehead? probably not helping …
And what about that Damn Shopping List most of us carry around in our heads?
I know amazing guys who want a bf and true love, but they walk around with a boyfriend checklist in hand … looks, bigdick, body, job, great hair, no-hair, blonde hair, body hair, no body hair, top, bottom, vers, poz, neg, car, hybrid car, black, white, punk, C&W, hates reality TV, loves reality TV, older younger … come on you guys, you know what I’m talking about here. Review your shopping list … and then throw it the fuck away. Think Different, boys.
Go for it all, of course … I think we all should have our tricks and marry them, too. Just open up to the idea that your ideal guy might look utterly unlike your checklist.
And while it’s an idea with true merit (no joke, you’d sure catch guys’ attention) I don’t know that writing “marry me” on your abs is your very best play … (but if you do, please forward the pics to LT so he can post them) … instead, how about just asking a bunch of interesting dudes out on a bunch of dates?
Have some fun with dating, take some chances … laugh at the disasters, run from the crazy ones, cry over the heartbreaks … dating is a bitch, but so is loneliness.
February 20th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Very well written post and my thoughts exactly!
@Mikey: I agree. It might be a good idea to look at the list and consider throwing it away but I think there are some things that cannot be compromised and they’re different for each person. I realize that nobody is perfect, especially me!
February 20th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Well Thank You all
Don’t think I have a list. If so, it’s very minimal. I’ve noticed from my past relationships that none of them looked like what I was looking for. The last guy I dated (who was great btw) was blond; I never really was a blond kinda guy. Looking back though it wasn’t what they looked like, that I liked so much. It was who they were and what they were about. Of course it still takes mutual attraction to bring people together, or else we would never talk to begin with.
He changed my whole outlook on blonds though. My taste in men is forever changing with each one I meat (errr, meet). So I definitely leave my options open.
This has been interesting, Thank you Tony. Sorry my blog is on hiatus right now. I don’t do much of anything during the winter, so really nothing to share that I have done.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I’m still on the picture. how is someone so smooth with just a tuft @ the pubic region
February 21st, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I agree with Mikey about the list. I stopped referring to my list a while ago. I still have some things I like from the list, but like Todd said, it has more to do with who they are and what they’re about. I have friends who solely go on looks/body and wind up disappointed EVERY TIME when they look for substance in fluff. They keep repeating the same mistake expecting a different result every time. “Be the change you want to see in the world”, right? I mean, I’ve dated a bodybuilder. Gorgeous bodybuilder. Crazy as hell. Someone else came along who was also really cute. Wrong there, too. Then I had 2 dates with someone who didn’t have the tightest body or the killer looks, but there was just something attractive about him and I went with it. Had a great time. Things didn’t work out (I just didn’t feel that grand scheme would work out for me in the long run based on where I was at the time), but I changed up my desires. I was happy with changing my desires. My desires always disappointed me, so I decided to refer to the important/unchangeable things from the list (the deep stuff), but keep my options open. It’s been better that way.
I hear you about blonds. They were never my cup of tea, but dammit if I wouldn’t date one now!
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
I was never big on blondes until I met a furry blonde and that changed my whole outlook!
When I referred to things that I wouldn’t compromise on, two of them have nothing to do with appearance and one does. And the one that does has more to do with not taking care yourself and not staying physically active/fit.
February 22nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I don’t think you can be a fuck buddy with a true friend, so being someone’s fuck buddy is almost an insult. “I’ll mess around with you, but I don’t really want to be your friend.”
February 24th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Dude, I’ve gone through the FB and FWB thing recently too and had to cut them loose from the sex part but keeping the friendships. It was difficult especially since one of them WAS my personal trainer and the other was his BF which I introduced him to. Still, having two people 20 years my junior find my attractive and sexy was very complimentary, not to mention ego boosting as well, but for the long term it was just wasn’t meant to be. Besides, being in a Thruple takes a lot of energy.