LARGETONY Blog

When it comes to what kinds of guys I like, I really have no absolutes or deal-breakers. It just depends on the guys. When it comes to hair and eyes, race, age, height, etc., there are definitely things I find appealing, but none of them are requirements any more than any of them make me say “oh, hell no!”

Take the ass (I will!). I love the humps more than Jack Sprat’s wife loves the fat, but even if it’s a just a ditch on a plateau back there instead rolling hills and a hidden valley, I can deal. All I really need is a place to put down a stake. Even then I have the patience to wait for conditions to be right for plowing. (And when not a patient man, I am still a persistent one).

But when forced to pick an absolute attribute, I always seem to come back to one thing: athleticism. I like a guy to be athletic.

By that, I don’t mean that he has to have the body of an athlete or even that he has to be particularly good at sports. He doesn’t even have to like football. (Not liking football would end up being more an issue for him than for me because on Saturdays he’d be a widow.) He just has to have an interest in and enjoy doing physical things. And to clarify I mean the physical things you do upright. (The physical things you do upright that don’t involve personal balls and baskets.)

I think I have mentioned it before, but it will probably come as no surprise that the attorney is pretty athletic. While we tend to enjoy the same things as spectators, as participants, we are very different. His main thing is running. Mine is basketball.

I don’t get the running thing. Running just for the sake of running, I mean. He runs four times a week for some crazy number of miles while I can see no point to it unless you are chasing a ball or something dangerous is chasing you. He even kept up his running schedule all those days in January where the temperature was like 19 degrees.

I will admit there is a bonus to that for me. On days like that he suits up in his Under Armor gear. Black and skin tight with a ski cap. It makes him look like a sleek leggy panther (growr!)…or like a white leggy O.J. Simpson just before Nicole lost her head (eeek!), depending on your perspective, I guess.

Either way, I don’t know too many 47 year old men who can pull off black lycra. (Oh, but you should see him peel it off!)

I refer to myself as a jock. I just like to play and have fun. But the attorney? He is very focused, analytical, and driven. He is an athlete.

He’s very serious about it. Not serious in a competitive way. It’s not about winning for him. It’s about the training and pushing himself. He’s more interested in beating himself (no wisecracks!) than beating others. He likes the competitive aspects of sports. It’s just not what drives him.

I would think that was all wonderful and noble and shit it it weren’t for the fact that a man fifteen years my senior can out run me.

I tell myself that it’s only natural that someone who trains at it four times a week would be a stronger runner. Not to mention the fact that he’s two inches taller and is mostly legs, giving him a longer stride. But then I turn to the other side of the coin and remind myself that he is fifteen years older!

Because of the difference in our ages, the attorney’s friend Jeff often teases him about being a “cougar.” Panther or cougar, he’s a tiger when it comes to sports. And I’m often the kitty’s bitch.

That’s not the way it’s supposed to work. He’s supposed feel old because I’m physically out-classing him. Not the other way around. What happened to the middle-aged Southern attorneys you always see in the movies, sweating it out on the veranda, bloated from Bourbon and a third plate of dumplings?

The only place I have an advantage (and its a small one) is on the basketball court because, although he is faster and has a longer reach, I am quicker. But, that doesn’t mean I always come out the victor. It’s only enough of an advantage to make things competitive.

He may not be driven by winning. But somewhere deep down he is driven by not losing.

Dammit!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008 at 6:51 pm and is filed under attorney, being tony. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.