LARGETONY Blog

Brenton of “Aussielicious” - Sydney, Australia

Artistic, smart, sensitive, and funny are a few of the works to describe Brenton’s blog. That is besides the obvious word: HOT. You can also apply the same adjectives to the graphic artist/ lifesaver himself.

Dear Santa,

I live in Australia and I’ve been a very good boy all year, but there’s something I need to ask you. Because it’s really warm down here in Australia we don’t have fireplaces, so we don’t have chimneys. How are you going to come into my house to give me my presents?

I live in a bit of a rough neighbourhood so the only time I leave the front gate unlocked is if I’ve got trade dropping by which really is just me being friendly and nice. Quite frankly I don’t let just anyone use my back door, the front gate will do just fine.

I know it’s summer down here in Australia and that people like to travel to warmer climes to escape the harsh winter of their local region but when I saw you at the beach the other day my first thought was that it’s a busy time of year and that you should be busy at the north pole.

My second thought at seeing a mature gent with a long white beard in red boardshorts arriving at a nude beach was that you might want to be careful or your PR team are going to have to do some serious spin work. I don’t think parents are going to be able to explain why Santa is gay and likes to walk around without clothes. I know the red suit is a bit too warm for Australia, but it’s probably a good idea to leave it on. They’ve got some new fabrics these days that really do breathe.

On a side note I did think it was a good style option to shave your head. The stringy long curly comb-over is a bit tragic. Good on you for mixing it up, but the earring might have been too much.

With all your ridiculous workload at this time of year, I know it’s easier to grab a snack on the road rather than eat something balanced and healthy. But don’t you think it’s possibly time to pass on the cookies and milk at every houses this Christmas eve and maybe do a swap with the reindeer. With all the miles those poor things are travelling they’ll burn off those calories and surely your waistline could do with the carrot sticks instead? I know we all like a cuddly Santa, but spare Mrs Claus (or Mr Claus if you are hanging out at gay nude beaches) a thought. Quite frankly, if you can’t see your own baubles why the hell would she/he be interested in seeing them? You can still be jolly if you are slim!

Now, as for what I want for Christmas, there was that other guy you were lying near at the beach. Chiselled jaw, washboard abs and bubble butt. Don’t pretend you didn’t see him, I know you went around the rocks looking for something similar. I’ll have one of those in a large. Aussiebum have released some cool new stuff, and maybe one of the new Ipod touch. Fantastic.

I know there are lots of people wishing for ponies this year, I just want something hung like one, thanks.

All the best. Happy Christmas!

Aussielicious

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 at 12:26 am and is filed under guest star day, holiday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.