Stranger In My Pants
You know how when you sleep in a bed other than your own you never get a good rest. No matter how comfortable the bed is - maybe even more comfortable than your own - it never feels quite right. Your body knows it’s not laying in the right place.
It’s the same way with underpants.
Saturday I was down at the attorney’s and I left wearing his underwear. I won’t go into the details of the series of events that led to me having on his briefs because it was something out of an “I Love Lucy” episode. (You know that if that show was made today, at some point Lucy would end up sporting Ethel’s granny panties). But, my junk knew it wasn’t laying in the right place.
I have worn the attorney’s shirts before. I have even worn swim trunks that belong to him. But, this was the first time I ever wore his underwear. In fact, it’s the first time in my life that I ever had on any other guy’s underwear, let alone the attorney.
And it was weird. Oh, I know it’s supposed be sexy and erotic to slip into your almost-boyfriend’s intimates and carry that secret around with you all day. But it was just weird. It just didn’t feel right. His undies didn’t belong in my britches, cradling my stuff. It was like a stranger in my pants.
You don’t realize how much your underwear becomes a part of you, like it molds itself to you. New underwear is different. It has no shape. It’s ready to take your form. New underwear is a shape shifter.
But somebody else’s underwear…well, it’s kind of like trying to take a jello salad from a star-shaped mold and put it into a heart-shaped mold. Everything will bend and twist enough to go in there, but the bumps and lumps don’t all fit in the same places.
It also didn’t help that I prefer boxer briefs to briefs, anyway. Briefs always make me think of puppies being smothered.
I’m a dog lover. So in support of PETA and the ASPCA, next time I’ll just go commando.
December 17th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Jello salad…smothered puppies…who knew a borrowed underwear post could lead to such metaphors! Hilarious. Right now, I wouldn’t mind someone trying to remodel my Jello salad, if you know what I mean…and I think you do…
December 17th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Well, first of all, you hit the nail on the head with COMMANDO….it’s the only way to go. As much as I have an underwear fetish (among others), commando and I are best of friends. BUT, having said that, if I were to slip into the undies of another hot guy, I’d be more than elated….happy…. feeling naughty, erotic, and all of that. I don’t much like the way any panties make me feel.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
There is no way I could wear anyone else’s underwear. Not that I wouldn’t want to, they just wouldn’t fit. Specially the guys that I chase after. I’d have to have safety pins holding them up.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Boxers always make me feel like the puppies are getting away.
December 17th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I want to hear the Large Tony I Love Lucy story.
December 17th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Not that it matters, but I’d like to hear the “I Love LARGETony” episode as well! Ever since the writers strike, TV has been kinda dull.
December 17th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I”m sure a lot of people would appreciate you going commando.
December 17th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Almost-boyfriend. You gotta give up that ghost.
…and if you are giving up things….I vote for you just going commando 100% of the time. I’d do a double take.
December 18th, 2007 at 12:15 am
It’s funny you wrote about this today. I just ‘purged’ my underwear drawer today, including blue briefs and multcolored boxers that belonged to other guys before their pouches became my pouches. But you are right, they always felt foreign, despite the pleasant memories I have of the underwears’ former owners. But for me, going commando makes me feel like ‘Boys gone Wild!’ Not all bad though.
December 18th, 2007 at 3:10 am
how did i ever miss this blog? that was HOT!
December 18th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Hmm. Wearing our partner’s underwear is kind of out of the question for many of us gals. We would have to go commando. See how lucky you guys are to have a choice? Oh, but sorry about your smothered puppies and squished jello. That really must be a concern. LOL
December 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
and ill be there to catch you any access that happens to fall out.
i love briefs. but you can wear whatever you want my man. im heading to illinois tomorrow. i wish you were closer but at least i will be closer to you.