Drama
dra·ma (drä
m
, dr
m)
noun.
1. A prose or verse composition, especially one telling a serious story, that is intended for representation by actors impersonating the characters and performing the dialogue and action.
2. A serious narrative work or program for television, radio, or the cinema.
3. Theatrical plays of a particular kind or period.
4. The art or practice of writing or producing dramatic works.
5. A situation or succession of events in real life having the dramatic progression or emotional effect characteristic of a play.
6. The quality or condition of being dramatic.
7. Brunch with your sort-of-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend.
It’s been two and a half years since I first met the attorney and eight months since our first real date. But in that time, because of my anxiety about socializing with strangers and new people, I have pretty much managed to navigate my way away from situations with the attorney’s friends.
I have met a couple of his friends in passing, one on one. I have hung out at his house a few times with a particular friend who I find pretty funny and refers to the attorney and me as “the twin towers.”
And there was the group at the football game a couple of weeks ago. That had me a little bit squirmy being the outsider. But, those were people he basically sees just a few weekends every fall.
Nothing compared to his close friends. His close gay friends.
Actually I guess it’s not fair to qualify it that way. Any group is going to sort of circle the new guy and study him. With men, the study becomes about comparison. And it usually boils down to dick. Gay or straight, it’s about dick. Only difference is that straight men want to know whose is biggest while gay men only want to know who has a big one.
The attorney has been trying to get me to join him for a semi-regular Sunday brunch with friends. I’ve always taken advantage of the built-in excuse of having to get Granny to and from church. But this past Sunday, I finally caved in.
If the football game a couple of weeks ago reminded me of “My Fair Lady,” then brunch dropped me right smack in the middle of “Gone With The Wind.” Maybe it was the combination of oppressive heat (it was 95 degrees in late September and we were sitting outdoors), the sideways glances (positive and negative), and all the “fiddle-dee-dees” or maybe just the fact that alcohol tends to turn Southern gay men into Scarlett O’Hara.
Or at least some stage of Scarlett O’Hara: “Fiddle-dee-deeing”-with-the-Tarleton-twins Scarlett. Or “I’ll-never-go-hungry-again” Scarlett (who smuggled mini-muffins from the buffet, for later, in a messenger bag.) Or petulant-Melanie-must-die Scarlett.
Every good Scarlett needs a Melanie. On Sunday, I was it.
You know how you can sense when someone just doesn’t take a shine to you? It’s nothing direct. Just that veiled, but not really veiled, distaste that’s just enough for you to get the point, but not enough that someone else could label them a bitch. The Daughters of Scarlett have developed this into an art form.
It wasn’t until the drive home that I found out that it wasn’t just that Scarlett the Bitch doesn’t like me. It’s that Scarlet the Bitch doesn’t like the idea of me. It turns out that the attorney was sort of going out with Scarlett the Bitch before we started sort of going out last winter. In fact, the attorney stopped sort of going out with Scarlett the Bitch because he started sort of going out with me.
I suppose that sort of makes him Ashley Wilkes. (That works. He is tall and has big ears.)
The attorney felt bad and apologized for putting me in the situation. But, I couldn’t much blame him. He had no idea his ex sort-of boyfriend would be there. It was an ambush orchestrated by one of the other guys who brought the ex along. Some people just can’t live without drama.
But frankly…well, you know the rest.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Well, you know what the Bible says about Job trying to please everybody so I guess there’s a good reason not to give a, um, hoot.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:11 am
Your reaction to this ‘attorney with others’ episode is very different from your reaction to two other times I can think of (football friends and older lady neighbor). Why do you think that happened? You aren’t expressing the same evel of discomfort here. More sure of the attorney in this case or because you (and the rest of the guys) know you have a big one?
September 26th, 2007 at 8:01 am
I strongly dislike “gay only” social functions. Just make the mental transposition: “I’m throwing a dinner party for black/white/Jewish/catholic/what-have-you guests only”. Kind of brings out the morbidity of it all, doesn’t it?
The only exception is men-only soccer TV nights, but that’s for purely practical reasons: it facilitates the mandatory behavior of speaking while eating pizza, burping aloud and foulmouthing the referee’s mother’s gravestone (always the nicest touch)
September 26th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Love the post. The structure of it was amazing. You knew something was coming and you had to stick around to view it all.
Now to my unwanted opinion of the “Fal-de-Rah” You know now that it was a set-up. There are forces outther that just want to see you ‘finished’. Why isn’t the Attourney (and this is a NY thing), gathering the troops to read eveyone responsible for complete and utter fitlth and warning them of the consequences should it happen again.
I know 8 months is a short time to find yourself in a truly committed relationship, but goo taste will out; and blue-back-boy needs to step up to the plate. PRONTO!
September 26th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
A bitch is a bitch is a bitch.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Gone with the Wind…OK , I can kinda see that in a southern cultural way. Just don’t let it devolve into Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte! This HAD to happen eventually. I’m just wondering how J.and YOUR other friends will treat the attorney when the shoe’s on the other foot?
September 26th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
I’m with fellow New Yorker lexxicuss on this one … the Attorney needs to scorch whichever “friend” brought the ex-BF along to brunch. Really, with friends like that …
(although Alejandro also nails correctly and concisely.)
On the flip, the Attorney scores big points in my book … he seems like he digs you just the way you are, he’s ok waiting months before you meet his friends, ok w/no sleepovers, seems to give you the space your loner ways require, has season ticks to the Vols, a great chest, and likes dick … sh*t, all that’s missing is frequent flier miles.
September 26th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Aww. Awkward social situations. Gotta love those… :-/
September 26th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Matey, I’m a lawyer and even I won’t socialise with them! Lawyers are a strange breed: they can be quite normal, if you trap one away from its flock, but together they are just plain awful.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
You couldn’t have set the story to something more in the vein of ‘Captain Underpants’?
September 27th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Tony, you are a brilliant writer! Capitivating, as always, from beginning to end. I love Gone With the Wind. You should have tossed your head, looked him up and down, and then quoted Scarlett… “Ashley always said he likes a girl with a healthy appetite”…
September 27th, 2007 at 11:49 am
actually, the bitch seems more of an India Wilkes by Dolly Merriwether.
Next time you see the cunt, say to him “Why _______ What a LOVELY shirt!”
Personally, I consider myself more of a Maybelle Merriwether or an Emmy Slattery. Those bitches knew how to have fun. As I age, I get more Aunt Pittypat all the time.
“Uncle Peter! My poppers!”
September 27th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Another piece of classic writing by my favorite blogger. And again, you set the stage and tone so well. I would have freaked probably but you’re too much of a gentleman. The problem with you is; there’s so few of men like you. The Attorney knows he’d got a classic piece of work when he’s with you. I agree with the others, I think he knows you’re a top notch dude, maybe even–a trophy lover.
My guess is you’ve got a look about you when you’re p.o’d. I’m sure the ex got the message especially since the other guys seemed to be in awe of you. Envy is so destructive sometimes. The bitch knew he’d been beaten and was going for blood. The problem is, he had to deal with a class act, something only a snippy dog would do when it’s obvious you’ve got the bigger bone.
Keep up the fine Senior Class work. I await your next paper.
September 28th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Actually, it sounded like more a story from T. Williams - Stanley, Stella and Blanch Du Bois. Or, “Here’s to the ladies that lunch.”
September 29th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Wow. Gays and their drama. Oy. I just want to know, has the attorney ever had a serious boyfriend or relationship or is it always the “dating my friend while fucking him too” thing. I’m just asking and not trying to be mean.
September 30th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
oh drama, I so need a comedy about now. I’m single again for well, the too manyith time, I know that’s not a word, but I’ve been drinking at the movie theatre that serves beer, I think we only drink 3 pitchers. Great entry T!
October 6th, 2007 at 1:24 am
Self-induced drama is so 90’s. However, we often find ourselves embedded to the hilt in it. Sometimes though, a little drama gives up perspective on our own life and allows us to see how far we’ve come (or not).
You are a fine upstanding man who and I’ve always been honored to consider you my friend. Stand your ground. You have nothing to hide or even be ashamed of.
The irony, I’m facing a similar situation myself currently. I’m treading well so far. *G*