Comfort
I guess it’s because I’m a long tall Sally, but people are always surprised to find out that I sleep in a full-sized bed instead of a queen or a king.
So, I should not have been surprised by the sales clerk’s surprise that the mattress set I bought over the weekend was not for a guest room.
But I was. Surprised, that is. Or maybe it was just that I was caught a little off guard by his second assumption: that the mattress was for the attorney and me.
True, I was buying the mattress with the attorney. Well, I mean I was buying the mattress. The attorney was just with me when I was doing it. We were not buying a mattress together…or even a mattress for us to share. He’s a long tall Sally, too, so if that had been the case, a full size wouldn’t even work.
Which was the salesman’s point.
“Oh, I just thought you all have something bigger for yourselves,” he explained. “For comfort.”
Funny how a suggestion of comfort can bring about discomfort.
I went into a pretty unconvincing back-pedal. Unconvincing despite everything I said in response was true:
“No. This bed is for me. For my house. It’s not for us. We don’t live in the same place.”
You see, even though I am okay with being a gay man, it still throws me a little when I get pegged. It’s a southern thing. Southern discomfort, I guess. You have to realize that this is East Tennessee and a lot of (most) people don’t find comfort in people like us. So, times like this, there’s always a certain amount of “How did they know?”
The attorney and I were not dressed in leather. Neither of us is cop, a sailor, a construction worker, or an Indian (okay, I have Cherokee blood). We weren’t even holding hands or wearing t-shirts three sizes too small.
So what tipped the guy off? Was it just the fact that we were in a mattress department together? Or was it because we both (the attorney and me) are sort of neat?
Maybe it was comfort. The kind of comfort that the attorney and I are finding in each other’s company. A mattress salesman’s business is all about comfort. I guess this guy knows it when he sees it.
June 12th, 2007 at 1:35 am
I vote for the level of comfort you have in each other’s company. That kind of thing is easily noticed. I saw something like it this past weekend while traveling home from a shopping trip downtown (posted about it on my blog). It’s not a matter of dressing alike, or holding hands, or anything like a public display of affection. It’s quite simply a connection between two people, when the walls fall, and you connect at a deeper level than most.
Sounds to me like the two of you are a perfect match
Not to worry about beng “found out”… I just find the whole scene really touching.
And I couldn’t be more happy for you if I tried! (yes, I’m doing my little happy dance)
June 12th, 2007 at 2:28 am
I wouldn’t worry about being “found out” either. All in all, it seems to be a good thing thus far! Of course it is always awkward when you get pegged. Even I get a little uneasy when someone points me out… and I love it when they don’t
But you know, anytime I’ve been “found out”, it was a good thing.. the rare occasion that it turned out to be bad, it really didn’t matter in the long run. Those losers go out just as fast they come in.
June 12th, 2007 at 6:27 am
I think it’s a simple as the fact that two men who are shopping for a mattress just look like a gay couple. I honestly don’t think two straight men are likely to do that sort of shopping together, no matter how well adjusted they are. I think you’d get the same reaction if you were buying a couch with another guy, too. Certain purchases just say “Yup, we’re gay.” I don’t mind when people “figure it out” right away, but what REALLY weirds me out when I’m shopping with a female friend and a salesperson will assume she’s my wife. My what??
June 12th, 2007 at 7:16 am
It’s probably simpler than that. Bigger mattress, higher price, higher commission for the salesman! :-)))
June 12th, 2007 at 8:35 am
I think you wearing an orange Tennessee shirt makes you very GAY!
Ha ha.
Me and E.Shrew have similar experiences. People tend to assume we are a couple. No big thing for me. There is a lot of gay people in my booming suburban Parish because housing is a little more affordable. Everyone knows some family member or friend that is gay.
Just blush that beautiful face and smile when you are called out
June 12th, 2007 at 9:52 am
I know, I know!!! It’s because you can’t hide your BIG LOVE! (Just teasing!)
June 12th, 2007 at 9:56 am
Contrary to Sean’s assertion, two straight men can go mattress shopping. My married friend of thirty years and I went shopping for a matress for me when I separated from my wife. I do live in the liberal Washington-Baltimore corridor, but the sixtyish salesman didn’t think it at all strange. What he thought about my relationship with my friend was not clear to me. We have often been thought of as a couple I’m sure, probably all over the country, but it is really ‘ok’. Our friendship is what it it is, and that’s where the comfort comes from. (I know I’m not dealing with the whole homophobia issue.)
Take comfort where you can find it, and if others recognize it, they just could be a bit envious, whoever they find hot. You know what you have with the attorney, your comfort undoubtedly shows, and does it really matter what others assume as long as they don’t act out and harm you?
June 12th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Or was it because we both (the attorney and me) are sort of neat?
So are the men in your area kinda sloppy? LOL
Usually people will make all kinds of assumptions about each other. In a retail situation no big deal. At a NASCAR event maybe a problem…
June 12th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
First of all I know what its like to have the wrong size bed. I’m 6’4 so when I’m in bed my feet hang out over the end (in my normal size bed). But I’m so used to it now I don’t think I could have a bigger bed as it would feel all weird now.
All very interesting theories but I have maybe the simplest. Maybe he reads the blog and knew who you were. And was just trying to show you something that might have springs that can stand up to two guys (and what guys you are) going at it.
But if he was a reader he would have dove on the bed he was offering and offered to show you how comfortable it was.
Or is that just what I would do.
June 12th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
ummm… my gaydar is pinging.
the salesman’s a sister. He was probably hoping to be invited over to personally install it and ensure customer satisfaction. Just an extremely well educated and perceptive guess.
June 12th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
aww come now, two guys shopping for a bed together?? If I was the sales clerk, I wouldn’t have come right out and said it, but I’d be thinking it in my head. I mean its a good guess.
June 13th, 2007 at 2:04 am
a match made in heaven
June 13th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
My partner and I have done a fair share of bed shopping together (well, at least 3 times for 3 different beds) and we’re always surprised at the great reception we receive. We used to be all self-conscious about shopping for household items together, but now…hey, we’re gay afterall…maybe too old to care anymore…isn’t that part of the comfort?
While we’re typically sheparded to the female sales people, the sales folks have also insisted that we both lie down on the mattress at the same time, bounce around, you know, spend some time there…bed movement test, etc.
While most of the sales people in our liberal area are non plussed (sp?), the looks from other shoppers are priceless: “look honey, two men on a bed bouncing…do you suppose they’re gay?” Duh.
I suppose that we could be two straight men, but the rolling around at the sales person’s insistence to test “spring” gave us away. That and the giggling from both of us…can you feel the bounce now?
June 14th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
GAYDAR.
What? You’ve never met someone you ‘just knew’ was?
June 15th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Okay, when will it be official? Have y’all had that conversation? I know you’re just enjoying the flow of whatever it is, but…
Oh, and the salesman had gaydar.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Don’t let it worry you. Life is way too short.
July 7th, 2007 at 2:46 am
You weren’t wearing your “I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is” t-shirt, were you?
January 3rd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
It was probably gaydar.