Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
You know those sexual urges that are like a dormant virus or something? The kind of things that are completely out of your mind, pretty much forgotten… like maybe the desire to violate a hollowed out watermelon or the need to be bitch-slapped into orgasm by a bodybuilder dressed as a Catholic school girl…Or maybe the urge to fuck a woman.
That’s what’s happening to me. I first really noticed it a couple of weeks ago when I saw Carrie Underwood on “American Idol.” I caught myself thinking about what I dirty girl I bet she is and noticed my gland was swollen. Only it wasn’t my gland. I was wanting her under my wood.
Then last week I was watching “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” on cable. That in itself was weird thing. I’m not a fan of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie (and definitely not the two of them together). I’m not into action movies, and I’m not into gadget movies. But I totally fell into that movie (first time I had seen it) and by the end I was torn between who I would rather do: Mr. or Mrs. Smith?
Naturally my first thought was to go to Brad. True, he supposedly has a tiny pecker. But what do I care, I don’t need his front side. Then I thought how Angelina has those big ol’ cocksucker lips. But then she’s such a freako that she would probably tear it off with her teeth and then put it in the oven with some garlic and rosemary and serve it up like tenderloin. Even so, the possibility of a bit of ‘tang made me consider if it would be worth the risk.
Now, I have always found women attractive. But I have not actually been with one in about nine years. And it’s not for a lack of some of them trying. I don’t know what’s causing that old familiar feeling, but I better fight it before the virus takes hold.
All that takes is a good antibiotic. I’m already on Attorneymiacin. (And let me tell it’s damned powerful.) So, it looks like I’m just going to be forced to ramp up the dosage. Sure, there is the possibility I may end up getting addicted to the prescription, but that’s definitely worth the risk.
June 5th, 2007 at 7:45 am
Go for it mate! I mean of course the attorney
June 5th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a house on Governor Nicholls (E.Shrew’s street) in New Orleans. I saw them in person walking under his balcony. They are both GORGEOUS in person. Absolutely stunning and perfect. I took a pic of them (from behind) and put it on my blog a few months ago.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Aww… you’re a lil’ bi. I’d choose Angelina over Brad any day.
June 5th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Fear not true heart, both you mangina crushes are very much on the masculine side of the spectrum. Jolie and her square-cut jaw, natural muscalature and kick-ass battle skills could get any Mo’s wood to splinter.
I suggest a large dose of that attourner-miacin. Res Ipsa ‘good to the last drop’
June 5th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Ok, I have to agree about the movie. I watched it just to see if what as good as people said. Not a big fan of Brad, but there was something very sexy about him in that movie. Her as well. I think she is hot anyway so……….and then I remember she did Billy Bob Thornton. Then I vomit a little in my mouth……….
June 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Careful Luke that you don’t ‘go over’ to the Dark Side!
June 5th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
He’s not giving you as much as you need. Go over there , drop your shorts and let him breed you like a good man should and those terrible thoughts of Angie will go away.
I know you are more of a top but this is the only way to fix it. I’d hate for you to go out and get some girl knocked up. Just think of the child support ! $$$ x 18 years at the very least = no more blog money.
June 5th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
You know, I think it’s time we got to see some pics of this Mister Attorney.
June 5th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
If I was the attorney, I’d be sore all the time.
June 5th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
does Brad Pitt really hava a small weiner? really? how do you know? I saw him a couple of weeks ago in Runyon Canyon walking some dogs (not angelina) but I didn’t think to ask him to show me. Maybe next time.
June 5th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Hey LT… Hope everything is going well up there… I’m the biggayhairdresser and Angelina has that affect on me as well, but then so does Brad… Shit, he’s 42 or 43 and looks damn fine… I believe that there are some people who simply exude sensuality from every pore, Angelina is one of those women… She is dirty HOT… Women want to be her (admit it or not) and Men want to do her ( although some men might want to be her) I have this friend… ummm never mind… Anyway… It’s spring, everything is pollinating, maybe thats got your hormones in an uproar… LOL … Take it easy or anyway you can…
June 5th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Tony, go to Yahoo Images, search “brad pitt nude”, make sure the SafeSearch preference is off and you will find aproximately six shots of Brad Pitt naked as a jay bird, full frontal. While not as blessed as you in the dick department, I’d say he has about 4 inches soft which could grow to to 6 inches hard or about average. Not a tiny dick by any means, though.
June 6th, 2007 at 6:26 am
In your words to me, but with one word changed, “You just need a good [bottom] to wipe all that out of your mind.”
LOL @ Rich’s comment about Angelina. And I agree with Homer. If we weren’t a pretend taboo couple, yeah, I’d probably oblige you 98% of the time. The 2 percent would be if I had a cold or honest headache or something.
And Dave, c’mon, EVERYONE is short and small to LARGE Tony. I’m not that short but he called me a lil’ ol’ thing.
June 7th, 2007 at 6:20 am
Angelina is possibly the only woman I’d ever consider.
Ok….I wouldn’t/couldn’t go through with it - but IF I could, she’d be it.
June 7th, 2007 at 7:05 am
Both leave me cold.
Jennifer Lopez is another matter altogether…
As is Judge Judy…
June 7th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I admit it, I enjoyed the interaction between the two in the movie. I loved seeing brad in the tshirt and boxers.
As for your “medication”, they always say you have to finish the prescription no matter if the symptoms clear up early! lol Go for it!
June 8th, 2007 at 12:11 am
Brad has “cooled off” with age - he does not exude “male sexual heat” quite as much as in the early movies. In Thelma and Louise he was “steaming”. Angelina is to me just an icon of the plastic world of Hollwood. She does not contain many original parts!! I also await a photo of the Attorney!!
June 8th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Oh leave it to BrettCajun to go and get all star-struck on you LT with his Angelina this and Brad that. LOL.
“…there is the possibility I may end up getting addicted to the prescription,…” Hmmm! I thought you were an overdoser on Attorneymiacin a long time ago.