My First Love Affair
My first love affair was with a woman. She would let me sleep with my head close to her breast. She would grab me by my ears, brush her nose against mine, and give me butterfly kisses. And when she did, she would hum or sing one of my favorite tunes.
My mother gave me a Disney record when I was a kid. (It was that long ago that is was actually a record. It was probably one of the last records ever pressed). On the album was the song “Baby Mine” from the movie “Dumbo.” We played that record so much (particularly that tune), that “Baby Mine” became our song.
I identified with that little elephant. We shared the same qualities. Not the least of which were big ears.
I can’t remember if it was the song that made me love “Dumbo” or if it was “Dumbo” that may me love the song. Whichever it was, they both made me love my mother even more.
I still have a very vivid memory from when I was maybe seven or eight years old. Some time in the night I got really sick. First I tossed my cookies in my bed, then went trotting to the bathroom for relief from the other end. I’m sure I had thrown up before, but this is my earliest memory of having diarrhea. And it scared the shit out of me. Literally. And fluidly, for that matter. Within moments there was a soft knock on the door and my mother peeking in.
She explained to me that the churning in my stomach was not the alien I feared it was, but that it was my body’s way of getting rid of some bad stuff. She compared it to the way a washing machine churns up clothes to get the dirt out. In hindsight, it’s really sort of a goofy metaphor, but if it makes a seven-year old feel better, then it’s spot on. She told me it might take a while to get it all out (Heavy duty cycle, I guess) but that I would feel so much better after.
Several minutes later, she came back with a fresh pair of underpants and helped me clean up. She took me back to bed, where she had already changed the sheets and laid a towel down for me to sleep on in case I threw up again. I remember she didn’t make me put on new pajamas, but let me sleep in my t-shirt and underpants the grown-up way like my father did. She even gave me a little cup of Sprite, “to ease my stomach.” Sprite at night time? Bring on the aliens!
Finally I lay down to sleep. I was on my tummy with face against the towel. (I still feel very soothed by terry cloth against my cheeks.) She sat on the bed next to me, slid her hand under my t-shirt to rub circles on my lower back, and sang me the song:
Baby mine, don’t you cry
Baby mine, dry your eye
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
Of course we did part. Just like Dumbo’s mother, she was taken away from me a few years later. But, Dumbo went on, searching for his niche in the circus and discovered that he could fly. I’m still looking for my place in this world, too. And one day I’m going to fly high enough to make my mother proud. Big ears and all.
Happy Mother’s Day.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Beautiful story, Tony. I hope these and other memories you have, along with time spent with your Granny, bring you a joyeous day.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:25 am
You’ve already made your mother proud. Of that I couldn’t be more certain.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:36 am
What Curtis said. Warmest regards.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Tony,
What beautiful memories…
Being the best you that you can be honours those times and that love…
Have a fabulous day
Hugs from the great white north…
May 13th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Your words and the song were so touching. I cried for my mother, taken from me in my midle age. I can only imagine the loss of a mother as achild.
You made ‘my’ mother’s day.
I agree with Curtis too. Hugs from the Chespeake.
May 13th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
XO
May 14th, 2007 at 12:27 am
LT….
I think I know someone that ‘loves’ his mother as much as I do mine. What an absolutely beautiful account and memory. There is so much tenderness in your words. Big hugs. Boy am I getting creamed over at Brett’s Poll. He called me feeling a bit guilty he stuck me in it…I had told him fat chance of me getting votes off a readership that doesn’t even know me except for perhaps 3-4 people. LOL. Have a great week. I sure hope something miraculous happens so you can get your tailend out here for Pride.
May 14th, 2007 at 12:27 am
It’s amazing that you posted that on our Mother’s day here in Australia. Thanks Tony! Mothers really are special!
May 14th, 2007 at 12:59 am
… sniff…. sniff….sigh
May 14th, 2007 at 6:28 am
Yes. I was given that record too…
I’d forgotten that I had.
For the best of reasons, I coudn’t read the rest of your post.
May 14th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Thanks Tony. That’s one of the most touching essays I’ve read in a long time. I look forward to reading your posts every day and this made the wait worth while.
I hope you and granny had a nice day together.
May 14th, 2007 at 9:50 am
That is so sweet! Awwwwww….
May 14th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Oh, Tony. Such tenderness and love in your words, No wonder you are the man you are. That is the kind of loving which creates beautiful people. Your mother IS proud of you. I hope one day my little sons can look back and remember such definitive moments of love in their lives.
May 14th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Words escape me. I was breathtakingly transported back to thoughts of my mom by reading the love/ the tribute you shared about your mom. Through misty eyes, I can only type, simply beautiful.
May 14th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Touching, poignant and universally true. You’ve given us all a reason to remember the best years and reminded us all to tell her we love her as often as possible.
May 14th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Tony: As I’ve written you before, you are a marvelous writer. Your mother’s day item is as moving an article as I’ve ever read. How blessed you were to have her and to have such grand memories of her. Though she’s gone you honor her as you honor your Granny so well. “Honor your father and your mother that it may go well with you,” never took on so much meaning to me before. Thanks!
May 14th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
tony
how beautifl!
U r such a great guy what a tribute to u & your mom hope u & your granny had a great day!
U R so beautiful!!! GOD SPEED
YVES
May 14th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
god, i wish you’d write a book!
May 14th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Tony,
That may have been the most profound, insightful, and beautifully written thing I have seen to date on your blog. That says a lot!
May 15th, 2007 at 2:08 am
Oh God, that song always makes me cry.
May 15th, 2007 at 10:21 am
beautiful. you are such a beautiful man. i love this song too! and youve made your mother proud. and then some my friend. and then some.
May 15th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Man, you know how to pull at the heart strings.
May 16th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Honestly - you have some of the best posts.
If you haven’t heard it, Bonnie Raitt does a pretty good cover of the song from a Disney copulation (yes, I know it’s a typo).
May 19th, 2007 at 1:45 am
Hey Tony,
This was so sweet. It made me smile and I almost welled up. I’m sure you’ve made your mother proud and I wish you well as you improve on that. You have a way with words….Awesome!
May 20th, 2007 at 12:59 am
Aloha Brah,
I hope I don’t sound to full of myself, but you are one special kane.
Just look at all the people who tell you how much your experiences move them.
How your words create imagery and emotion.
Your attorney is so lucky that there is a huge ocean between us because I would give him such competition!
You must be part Hawaiian!
Aloha from a fellow crab - you know what I mean,
M
March 20th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Aww…just surfin ur archives and found this lovely tribute…even cried just a little. I’ll hug my Mom a little harder and longer when I see her next…thanks.