Clearing Up
Some of the self-proclaimed beautiful people say that you can clear things up by smearing a mixture of honey and oatmeal on your skin. I always preferred the process of excessive masturbation. (Not that there is such a thing. It’s all relative. It takes a few runs around the yard to wear a big dog out.)
But whatever method is needed, there’s a couple of things (judging by the e-mails I’m getting) that I need to clear up from some posts that I have recently written:
- No, the attorney’s name is not Kevin. It’s was just a play on words with the name Calvin Klein. Get it? If the attorney and I keep hanging around each other, I will probably come up with a nickname for him or something. For his privacy, I will never use his real name or his actual nickname. But for now “the attorney” works. I like calling him “the attorney” better than calling him “the lawyer.” “Lawyer” makes me think sleaze bag.
- Although I said I have picked a date to end the blog, it is not anytime soon. You will have plenty of chances to log in and see that I have not posted anything in the last three days. Or for pictures of Jake. Or recaps of football games.
- The attorney did not really suggest I get surgery. It was an April Fool’s joke.
And somthing that I did not post about, but still get asked:
- No, I can not do that. Although there was a time when I was younger, skinnier, and a lot more flexible… (and if I could, you think I’d be writing in this blog right now?)
Okay, time to take the dog out. (No, I don’t actually have a dog.)
April 12th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Ha, I used to be able to do that too…..it was fun, especially at climax…..but those days are gone and now I need to rely on others — which isn’t too bad either.
Don’t leave too soon, I love your humor, among other things
Thanks!
April 12th, 2007 at 10:57 am
I worried now that you might have a split personality. Or maybe you’re channeling your other head’s thoughts [hello it is bigger than the rest of ours so maybe it is capable of higher cognitive thinking].
I’ve honestly given some thought to getting away from blogging myself. I’m coming up on my 3 year and it’s been fabulous and I have lots of great friends but change is coming and I can feel it.
kb
April 12th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
im upset youre leaving. its funny though i was thinking the same thing this morning.
April 12th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Ditto on the dogwalk. You’re quite a card. I’m gonna miss you when the time comes, but for now I get to read and wonder.
Hope you prefer a leather lead. It’s what i’ve got you wearin.
April 12th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Sigh. Don’t bother me, I’m Imagineering…
April 12th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
I don’t think all the yoga in the world will allow me to do that. I’m not that bendy.
April 12th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Hmmm. If I were male and born pretty hung, I probably could have done that back in my gymnastics days…. oh, did I type that out loud?
April 12th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
i think that is something that you’re born with and it’s a muscle that needs a little stretching after it’s been out of use.. uhhh, even the big burly freight train can do it despite rings around the trunk.. and relatively speaking, it’s a cocktail weenie..
April 13th, 2007 at 12:48 am
Oh baby, I know how to “WALK THE DOG” real well. Can I take him for a stroll?!
Don’t you dare go south on us for the winter (so to speak). We’re not quite ready to see you bow out. You know, you can cut back to posting once a week and still have the best of both worlds. Plus you’ll just leave us salivating until the next time you post. Am I being bad here, Or am I being bad? LMAO!
April 13th, 2007 at 4:29 am
“What we have here is a failure to communicate” (apologies to ‘Cool Hand Luke’). I think you always come through clear as a bell. I’ll read as long as you care to write, and what you want to share, You brighten my day with your wit and compassion, as well as your willingnes to expose so much of yourself. Thanks!
April 13th, 2007 at 4:42 am
No dog huh? Would it be a Great Dane?
April 15th, 2007 at 1:52 am
YAY where can i see how large it is largetony!!!!!!!!!! YUM!!!!!!!!
April 15th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
I could “do that” when I was younger but have since lost the flexibility.
April 17th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
You know, if your dog ever gets cold or needs a place to, uh, spit up on occasion, I have a nice doghouse he can hang out in for a while. It’s nice and cozy and he can come and go as much as he pleases. Let me khow if you’re interested.
April 18th, 2007 at 4:30 am
I fell off the bed trying that once…
I was very young (this was in the early Jurrasic…)
April 20th, 2007 at 12:12 am
I saw that on x-tube once or twice, or fifteen times.
(feeling ashamed)