It Is What It Is
Somebody needs to invent a test kit that tell you the status of your relationship with someone. They can sell them at the drug store like home pregnancy tests or diabetes testing supplies. It can be some little applicator that you and the person you have been keeping company with can both piss on and in a hour you get a result. If it turns blue, then you’re just hanging out. If it’s green, then you’re dating. Pink means you’re boyfriends. Red means you’re married. (Red results valid only in New Jersey and Amsterdam.)
I’ve been trying to figure out what to call my whatever-you-call-it with the attorney. Already friends are referring to him as “your boyfriend” and/or “the guy you are dating.” My general response is “he’s not my boyfriend” and/ or “we’re not dating.”
Which we’re not. We’ve been out a few times and we’ve stayed in a few times. And we have been on what is technically a date a couple of times. But we’re not “dating.” Dating, to me, is something more regular. It’s not expected that we spend time together on a regular basis. Desired (by one or more of us at any given time) maybe. But not expected.
And in order to be boyfriends, we’d have to be dating first.
I don’t need a label for it for myself. I just need an answer for when people say, “Well, then what do you call it?”
I don’t call it anything. It just is what it is. And writing this, I realize that’s all it needs to be.
But, it’s something. Something more than nothing. Like “Old Man River,” it just keeps rolling along.
(And the rolling can be fun. 
)
March 8th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Oh I get to do the first comment, I’m so excited.
Anyway I just wanted to say i know what you mean as am like that when I see someone new. I never know what to call it so I just say “we are seeing each other” and its quite true as I have yet to date a blind man (I hear they are fantastic lovers).
Seem to be going off topic. If someone asks you again what your doing with the attorney you can say your just seeing each other. Or you can just grin and give a dirty laugh.
PS. that rolling sounds fun, if i ask nice can i try it.
March 8th, 2007 at 8:02 am
As much as I wish I would have gotten the chance to offer you some blackberry pie as I’ve never had vanilla-covered sugar cane :-D, I wish you the best with this. If it gets to the point where you’re dissatisfied with hanging out, you can ask what’s going on. You’re right in that hanging out isn’t dating. It’s not officially dating until there’s an agreement that it is. You can call it “[His name], The Guy I’m Hanging Out With.” It seems to have the same beginnings (minus the sex/playing around) as I did with you-know-who from last year or so, but I hope it doesn’t have the same ending.
Maybe this is just you two getting to know each other? Guys tend to do that by doing activities, which you’ve been doing.
March 8th, 2007 at 8:02 am
As much as I wish I would have gotten the chance to offer you some blackberry pie as I’ve never had vanilla-covered sugar cane
, I wish you the best with this. If it gets to the point where you’re dissatisfied with hanging out, you can ask what’s going on. You’re right in that hanging out isn’t dating. It’s not officially dating until there’s an agreement that it is. You can call it “[His name], The Guy I’m Hanging Out With.” It seems to have the same beginnings (minus the sex/playing around) as I did with you-know-who from last year or so, but I hope it doesn’t have the same ending.
Maybe this is just you two getting to know each other? Guys tend to do that by doing activities, which you’ve been doing.
March 8th, 2007 at 9:11 am
so how long have you and your bf be dating
March 8th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Just tell people he’s your old gentleman like other’s would say she’s my old lady. lol At least it is literally true. I know I’m not being helpful but funny, no?
March 8th, 2007 at 11:54 am
I agree that you don’t need a name for it and infact when you do label it people assume that it means all sorts of things that you may or may not intend. The important point is that you and he are enjoying yourselves. Also as long as you’re not officially dating I don’t have to find a new secret pretend boyfriend.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
hands off rayrayj. tony is MY pretend boyfriend.
but i think you are dead on about some sort of relationship test kit. it would have saved me so much time. effort. trouble. and money.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
You may say whatever you will but…
…”people will say we’re in love.”
You don’t need a test for anything! IT IS WHAT IT IS, and people can call it
whatever they wish. It’s WHAT you call it that counts.
Found you a “fancy” man, didn’t ya?
March 8th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
What ever happened to “Buddies”, “Friends” or my personal favorite……”he’s my Slam-Piece!”
March 8th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
I guess it is alright for me to have a little crush on you still
March 8th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
there’s only two ways to respond to those who continue to question you and the motives you’ve yet to define for yourself.
1. We’re still defining what this is and enjoying it all.
or
2. He makes me get a slight chub everytime i remember his smell and the way we touch each other, and that’s all it has to be for now. JEALOUS MUCH???
March 8th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Damn, I didn’t know I had this much competition for you being my pretend boyfriend. I’ll have to think about what I need to do about that.
March 8th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
What is it with people who are dating that can’t admit thay are dating?
Your dating.
March 8th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Since you’re southern, why can’t it be “keepin’ company”?
March 8th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Nonsense. Not that you asked for advice, but here it is anyways:
It is what it is and it doesn’t need to be labeled. Just enjoy it. Enjoy it for what it is and enjoy it for all that it is and leave the labeling to the others. When they ask, just smile. That’s all you need do.
But most important, and I am serious here, just remember to be kind. Always be kind to everyone. No matter how difficult. But then again, you know that. How could you be anything but?
March 8th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Agreed. It would also be quite helpful if that test stick could reveal exactly when a relationship is over, or if it’s worth fighting for. (Sorry to look at the half-empty glass…) I’m just wishing there were easier signs for everything!
March 9th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I don’t care what you are calling it… just enjoy it. some of us would kill to have someone we are not dating and not to call a boyfriend. lol
and the rolling does sound fun
March 9th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
a rose by any other name………
March 11th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Enjoy it for what it is…fun getting to know each other,
March 11th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Enjoy it for what it is…fun getting to know each other, Everything has a starting point.