I Am Not A Monster
Villagers, please check your torches at the door. I think there’s been a bit of an overreaction around here about me not wanting to go to see ballet. You would think I have bitten the heads off puppies the way my character has come into question. Most everybody has missed the point that I actually felt bad that I might have hurt his feelings. And apparently most of you think that when I turned him down I did it in a cruel and thoughtless way. Anyone who has read this blog for more than a couple of weeks should know that is not my way. I’m not mean to people.
And, my Lord, what is so bad about not wanting to go see ballet? I never said ballet doesn’t have value. I never said it isn’t difficult and physically challenging. I never said that people shouldn’t go. I just said that I shouldn’t go. No, I have never been before. But I have seen enough of it on TV and in movies that I can be 90% sure that I will not enjoy it. And I make no judgments on people who do enjoy it.
And it’s also not like he bought tickets with the purpose of taking me. He got some free tickets that were given to his firm and wanted to know if I wanted to go.
Someone in comments questioned how I would feel if I was interested in somebody who had no interest in football. I would feel fine, actually. Would I rather he be interested in football. Of course. But if it’s someone I really like and they don’t get into football, then so be it. In fact, given the number of gay men who actually enjoy football, chances are I will end up with someone who isn’t into it. The odds are not in my favor there. I would never want someone who doesn’t like the game to go to one with me. If they don’t have a good time, then neither will I. And that’s the way I look at this ballet thing. He will have a much better time with someone who likes it. Remember, I am a Cancer. We have very strong moods that can color everything around us. (When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)
What’s most interesting about all of this, is that a lot of you seem to be more bothered by the situation than the attorney is. Ballet is not a passion of his. It was something to do together. It turns out he has given the tickets to someone else and we’re probably going to do something else that night. We haven’t decided yet. But it will be something we both have an interest in. Which is the way it should be.
February 8th, 2007 at 11:49 am
And now you have validation from the only people who matter in this affair that you did the right thing. Your friend gives good advice.
February 8th, 2007 at 11:51 am
I’ll be honest - I’m still scratching my head from the last post where you said ‘This is where the needle slides off the record.” Like you’re old enough to experience vinyl!
…but seriously folks…. life is too short to do things that are not pleasureable to you. As long as you’re up front and kind to the guy, I think most people would appreciate that.
Now AFTER you’re in a relationship, well, you just have to suck it up and do it now and again. …and keep your minds out of the gutter. I didn’t mean it THAT way!
February 8th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
as someone who had been in a relationship for eleven years, i think it is important to be authentic from the get go.. and going to the ballet does not forge a road to authenticity if that is not your ‘thing’ … if the relationship is gonna develop, it will have to develop on a level that does not include dance belts and toe shoes.. no offense to anyone who is a ballet fan (or a fan of doing anything so as not to offend) but everything is not meant to be shared.. why don’t you just meet him afterwards: you in your magic britches, he in his suit and ya’ll go get a beer, wings and some nana puddin’
can’t go wrong with that..
February 8th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Check the torches at the door, indeed! Yes. I couldn’t have said it better. I was starting to want to throw something. Why people have to be so judgmental, I will never understand. A few of them need to take their own comments about “being kind” to heart. You can’t read this blog without becoming aware that kindliness is just as Large a part of you as a certain other body part. Whatever you and Mr. Likes Ketchup On His Grilled Cheese decided to do that evening, have a great time.
February 8th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Awwww…
Everyone got excited!
For a moment, it was like Moonstruck! Who says romance is dead?
No one springs from the womb reading James Joyce but we learn an alphabet, words, grammar, as steps to a gateway to new and infinitely fascinating pantheon of possibilities we never conceived of because we hadn’t language to identify them
…and some of us love to finger-paint.
As they say, in a non-judgmental inclusive kinda way, it’s all good.
Yes?
February 8th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Wow, Tony, I seriously wasn’t saying anything to be critical. I seem to be brushing everyone the wrong way.
I was just illustrating how this situation is likely to happen in both directions and mentioning a way, maybe to deal with it. I do try to do that, mostly - look at things from both sides. It’s just one of those weird relationship moments that sometimes have to be navigated around. Most of us end up scraping on the rocks, of course.
And, really I was only suggesting what I said cause it sounded like he got all upset. If not, than no big deal.
All apologies.
February 8th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
This post made me want to go back and read comments from the last one. I agree that some comments were a bit harsh. Some, I think were only joking.
For my own part, I was merely trying to illustrate that he was trying to do something nice (of which you are aware) and it could have been a good idea to be upfront with the attorney about your doubts, but that you would give it a go and try it anyway.
When I was a kid, I was certain that I didn’t like broccoli. I had seen it, I had smelled it, I had touched it, I had even grown it. It was only until I actually tasted it that I realized I was wrong.
And, of course, I KNOW you turned him down with kindness. Of that much, I am certain of your character. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.
February 8th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I’d rather go see a monster truck thingy than a ballet or an opera.
February 8th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
oooh I love Monster Truck Rallies! I’ll swing by and pick up homer and we’ll make it a threeway! lol
Anyone who reads w/any regularity would know you aren’t a mean person.
February 8th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
I certainly meant no harm by my comments and I hope you were not offended. I don’t for one moment think you have a mean bone in your body. I did misunderstand the importance of seeing the ballet to your date, however. I did not realize that he was not all that into it either. Thus, your going is hardly as critical as I had thought. Now, how do you guys feel about Opera?
February 8th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
We love Oprah Sue, Don’t we guys? ..um well maybe not as much as I thought.
LOL
Moby and all the others are correct.
In all the time I have been popping in for a quick read, I have never seen anything but kindness to others.
I think the post was a bit misunderstood as to where he stood on the topic.
Lol
February 9th, 2007 at 1:23 am
I think you did the right thing. Besides, the ballet is for girls. :-0
February 9th, 2007 at 5:41 am
How could so many people have gotten it so terribly terribly wrong?
Do you think we’re inherently evil? Is Satan in my keyboard?
We must change our ways, it’s certainly given me cause to stop and momentarily reflect on my own conduct and consider a less self-centred approach in relation to others.
I atone and repent unreservedly. “When Momma ain’t happy, aint nobody happy” and we can’t have that can we?
It’s like a big blog-rehab for wrong-thinkers.
Am I blog-born again?
I feel cleansed!
February 9th, 2007 at 7:46 am
Damn boy…. you generated a controversy that got a lot of posts.
Good for you! I have been prone to ignite one a time or two. I wouldn’t mind seeing a ballet at all. I think it would relax me… which I desperatedly need because I am always so tense. I think you should go along and suck it up. I think your real problem is not wanting to dress up. I hear ya brother! I don’t really like dressing up myself.
Well… have a good weekend. I’ll be in Dallas cutting up with some bloggers. BIG HUG.
February 9th, 2007 at 9:12 am
I don’t think I was unfairly judging Tony in my previous post. I made no comments on his character. I felt he shouldn’t use TV or movies as a pre-judgment to live performance ballet, keep an open mind, and go see it.
Someone asked about opera. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t like opera. My partner likes opera, and he didn’t care much for ballet. So we compromised and got season tickets to both the Met and the NYC Ballet. We have our own cross-cultural appreciation thing going on. I’m glad we did it. We’re teaching each other. We talk about our likes and dislikes, and answering each other’s questions during intermission and after the performance. I’m starting to open up more to opera. I still think ballet has a higher hottie quotient…. By the way, my partner is an attorney, if that makes any difference.
I’ll tell you what made my “needle slide off the record.” KETCHUP ON GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES?!? WTF! I guess I need to take my own advice and try it out.
February 9th, 2007 at 11:18 am
LOL. That photo caption reminded me that JAKE is the only one who can say if you are a Monster or not, but if I sounded like a beast…I am truly sorry. Like some others, I may have misunderstood the situation. However, I NEVER believed you were unkind or mean. Granny would not have raised you to be that way.
Forgive me…please. And, whatever you guys do…Have a Wonderful Time!
February 9th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
This kinda reminds me of a date I went on once with this hot guy with 11 inches of love under his belt. You know the type.. tall, lanky, big feet and nose…
Anyway, we went on a date to the movies, and beforehand we were having dinner. and dinner conversation. The subject became one about our favorite movies.
He said his favorite movie of all time was ” Beaches”
yeah …. “Beaches”
Sorry, I don’t care if your superman himself, THAT’S a dealbreaker, plain n simple.
So the date ended politely and that was that. He gave me a sore throat for a few days anyway.
I’m not sure what the point of this story was but I hate ballet too. Boring. I woulda socked him.
February 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I never thought I would want to see the ballet. That is until I saw an article in the local paper about the new men of the portland Ballet. Holy shit, If they’re going to dance without shirts, I might have to go have a look see! All four of the new guys were “Jake” Hot!
February 9th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Well I for one am offended that you are offended other people were offended. I demand you immediately apologize for apologizing!
February 9th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Who said you were being mean? I didn’t mean any harm by my comments. You didn’t explain his side and the free tickets either. Now it makes more sense. I don’t think you’re mean (aside from your self-confessed ability to hold a grudge - smile). I hope you two find something to do that you both enjoy. Having a dating friend is nice.
February 10th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Who cares if you don’t want to go to the ballet. I’ve been with my partner for ten years now. Do you know how many times we’ve said to each other “Nope. Ain’t doin’ it.”? It gets easier as you get to know one another.
And a few boyfriends before this one, I was told on more than one occassion, “You can come over, but we’re watching football.”
Did I care? No, as long as there was food.
Chili on the stove. It’s goin’ on a baked potato for a good lunch.