Because I Said So
At what point do we become confident enough in a subjective trait that we can treat it as objective?
I was talking with a friend today about ego and vanity and so forth. He is, in my opinion, a very handsome man. Actually one of the more handsome men I know. But he has trouble giving himself the handsome label. He can accept it from others, but he can’t refer to himself that way. Even though he is pleased with the way he looks and knows that others find him attractive.
I think most guys are like that. Maybe because we know full well that one man’s treasure is another man’s trash and if we were actually to speak it out loud somebody just might call us on it…”Oh, yeah? You think so, huh?”
But then I think about personal ads and on-line profiles, where guys are speaking it out loud all the time. Is it just salesmanship or do all these “Hot Studs,” and “Very Good Lookings” actually see their subjective traits as facts, like brown hair or blue eyes? Like they were check-boxes on a form like “U.S. Citizen” and “Shipping Address Same As Billing.”
Is there some quota you have to meet? Do “X” number of guys have to tell you that you are very good looking before you can put “VGL” in your profile, or do you simply feel it so strongly that you don’t even consider that someone might disagree. And how do you get to that level of assuredness?
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with guys who excel at self-promotion. I’m just curious about what you have to tap into to be able to do it. I’ve been given compliments before, and I don’t think of myself as ugly. In fact, I feel like appearance-wise, I am at my best so far in my life. But, even so, I couldn’t imagine the using the phrase “good-looking” in a personal ad. And I guess “better looking than I was three years ago,” is not very appealing sounding. (Isn’t it interesting that “new and improved” is a major selling point for dish detergent, but doesn’t work so well for people?)
If I was doing an ad, I think I would just stick to the things that can’t be disputed: brown hair, brown eyes, 6′-3″ (can’t say “tall,” because that’s a matter of opinion), 190 lbs. I wouldn’t even go out on a limb and say I have a big pecker because by some standards (and I have been told before) it’s not that big.
So, what about you? What debatable trait do you feel confident enough in to put it in writing and make it so?
February 4th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Even though I have some profiles up to meet new people, I never knew what VGL stood for. Now I know it stands for Very Good Looking. I always thought it was something like “versatile guy l…”. I was always to chicken to ask.
However, I will admit that once someone puts STUD in their profile or one guy who put “very handsome, you be too” are full of themself. However, I think that “good looking” or “attractive” just means that they are comfortable in the way they look and are not hung up on themself.
That’s just my opinion though.
February 4th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I feel that I can say for certainty that I am 5′10 3/4″, brown hair/eyes, 160 lbs and just your average fun loving guy. Heck, my dick is just the right size for me. I’ve been told I’ve got a great ass, but it’s just yer average ass. Take me for who I am and not who I should be. Oh, and by the way, you must be able to have entertainment value outside of my arse!!!
February 4th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
I’ve never had much going on in the looks department, but my spleen is absolutely gorgeous! Hey, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right? Joking aside, I’ve been told I have a nice smile.
February 4th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I love this post, Tony. Thought-provoking and tough. For myself, I’d say self-promotion and pretending are two things that I do best. Hopefully a smidge of talent and a dollop of writing skills follow in the fairy dust, but I’m no fool - it’s how you sell yourself. I remember what one woman whom I admired once said about herself: “Nobody can do what I do.” She didn’t mean it in a vain, egotistical way, but as a humble, matter-of-fact statement. It’s something I’ve taken to heart, because it’s something we can all say - it absolutely holds true for every one of us.
February 4th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
I’ve been told that I have a nice smile, but I don’t like how it widens my face/head now. I’ve been told that I have nice legs, but aside from my calf muscles I don’t get it. I would feel confident saying that I have a great sense of humor, I’m 5′9.5″ with nice hair, and not bad-looking. Aside from that I don’t have much of a gag reflex.
February 4th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
While I admire confidence, I dislike conceit. It’s one thing to take and show pride in yourself - and to give an air of confidence, but quite another to put yourself on a pedestal. I agree with Alan in that it’s really about how you sell yourself. However, if I were shopping for a man, I’d be looking for a sense of humility more so than imperturbable egoism. Along those lines, and despite that fact that I’m smart, have a great ass, beautiful body, gorgeous eyes, etc., I’d hope that it was my sense of humility that people found most appealing.
February 4th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I’d say my best trait is personality. But, once again that depends on the other person. I am terribly modest. I get messages after messages of how “hot”, “attractive”, “handsome” and “Sexy” I am. I just don’t buy it. I would never classify myself as any of those. Granted I may not be all that unattractive. I’m just not very good at selling myself.
I’ve noticed that depending on how you present yourself the results are never the same. If you sell yourself to be shallow, those are the ones you are going to attract. If you sell yourself as this sex pig, then that’s what you are going to attract.
Granted, I could probably say–I have a better body than most men my age, I’m playful and youthful. Excellent kisser and a fantastic bottom who gives wonderful head. That will probably only attract slut tops that have probably fucked every bottom in the city. Whom of which have only shared 45 minutes of there time with. Of course that line is still not filthy or graphic enough to get the attention of most pig tops attention. So I think I might be safe. I don’t think it will get you a good quality guy.
I’ve also noticed people seem to be way to concerned about what it is you do in bed than out of the bed as a person. Just cause you are good in bed doesn’t mean he is going to make the ideal partner/boyfriend.
I’m modest and humble. Whatever anyone sees me as, I am just an average guy
February 4th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
What f—-d up size queen said your pecker wasn’t that big?
I blame the dildo industry.
February 5th, 2007 at 2:24 am
Anita Bryant was 1st runner-up to Miss America with a stellar voice who aggressively vilified and tried to bring down a population. Mother Teresa was a plain, unremarkable lady who lifted up thousands and glowed. Beauty is something you DO not HAVE.
February 5th, 2007 at 9:34 am
I have great legs, ass and smile. I am a cute lil’ gal with great sense of humor. Most women my age would kill for a body like mine. I am always striving to improve my body, mind and health. I feel extremely confident saying these things and I think it is because these are not debatable in my mind. I’m not going to win any beauty contest or anything, but I think I am fun to be with and a good person.
February 5th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I’ve got a great sense of humour. It lets me laugh about my looks.
February 5th, 2007 at 11:31 am
I’m with you. Regarding looks I would only state facts in a personal ad … height, weight, eye colour etc. Also, any ad stating VGL or similar would be an automatic dismissal in my mind because right off, I know one certain thing about the guy … he’s very arrogant. Of all traits, this is probably the one I find least attractive in a man. Things like that don’t need stating, and they’re somewhat subjective anyway.
February 5th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
My granny always said:
“Pretty is as pretty does.”
And Tony…YOU do beautifully.
February 5th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
When I lived in DC I considered myself Average looking. When we moved to the PacNW, we were told we were better than average looking….whatever that means. When I feel good about myself I can be a real flirt and push it. But the same can be said for when I don’t feel so good about myself. Then I don’t want to be around people. See so I would agree it has to do with a lot of what is inside you.
Although, there is one thing I HEAR ALL THE TIME…….”That is such a waste for that ass to belong to a top!”
Jealous Bitches!
February 5th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I make good conversation, and I’m very cuddly.
February 5th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
I think there are a ton…A TON…of guys who feel humbly confident the way they look and are afraid to put VGL [even though they've had enough validation] because they are afraid of being accused of lumping themselves in with those guys who first may come to our mind when we see “VGL”…..those guys, for example, who were in your 2006 Hump Day. But true, it’s in the eye of the beholder. For example, I’d take Heath over Jake any day of the century.
What debatable trait would I feel confident putting down on paper? “I’m one good cook”. And just to prove it, I have Chicken Gizzards and onions on the stove right now. It’s going along with yesterdays homemade flounder chowder. [I guess it still may be in the eye of the beholder.]
February 5th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Hell, putting things on paper is so - not who you are most of the time, so I don’t think I could fill one of those ads out - I’d rather meet someone is person and see if we click -
I’d had completes strangers (women even) come up to me and tell me what a great ass I have or what nice legs - I’ve even cruised myself - thinking damn who is that hot guy?” before I realized I was looking in the mirror - but I don’t think of myself as hot.
I have to admit, that I love to look at hot men, but I never think that I’m in their league, and am too shy to approach them - I feel like I’m an idiot and have nothing to say
I’d had very hot men tell me after dating my very hot friends that they wished they had dated me instead - but in the other end of that stick I’d had men dump me because they wanted to be seen with the hot new young thing in town
Id rather date a guy who treats you with respect and values someone who tries to treat you the same way. Like my Cowboy
February 6th, 2007 at 3:41 am
I’ve always thought men tend to look their best in their early 30s, so it heartens me to hear you say that about yourself.
My profile would say I have an enormous head (literally). I can’t even wear a standard-issue baseball cap. :-0
February 6th, 2007 at 6:54 am
As a perpetual victim of self-effacement, understatement and modesty I have dated many circus acts and sideshow freaks and I’m here to tell you, some of them were really rather charming.
February 6th, 2007 at 11:14 am
i always say im cute. its a safe descriptor. then again im 6′3″ can i still be considered cute?
February 7th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
There is nothing wrong with a little self-promotion provided it is kept in check w/a little humility. Something I think that you do beautifully big T. It is your lack of attitude that makes you so endearing to me (as well as others I think). The rest are just haters who wish they were half the man you were inside and out.
Pretentious is something entirely different and I’ve never once thought of you that way. And I think I can say you are indeed “good looking”. Maybe not GQ but that is so 80’s anyway. (yes, being caddy here. *G*)
As for your pecker, you got a c**t-wrecker as Chad Fox would say. And considering the average length for a man is 6-7 inches, I would say you are in the top 5% of the nations largest. There will always be a bbd (bigger better deal) but I doubt you are worried about that.