Magic Britches


Everybody has some type of clothing that they feel like boosts their attractiveness a bit. When I want to feel like I’m looking good, I always go to the wife-beaters. I have good sized shoulders and a small waist, so its a pretty good look for me. Plus, I like them because they are comfortable. That’s a big thing for me with clothes. I will go for comfort over style any day. (Which is actually good thing since my sense of style is questionable).

Among my favorite comfort clothes are sweat pants. When the weather is too cool to wear shorts, that is pretty much what I will wear all weekend. It’s what I’m wearing right now. Except these are not my regular sweats with the drawstring waist and elastic leg holes. These are a Christmas gift (along with a matching zip up jacket) from RJ who told me I look like white trash in my normal baggy sweats.

These are made of a material that makes them more fitted and the legs are flat at the bottom like normal pants instead of elastic. He says they are not “sweats,” but “track pants.” I say they are “magic britches.”

So, call me Aphrodite.

She was the one in the Greek myths that had a magic girdle that brought all the boys in the yard.

I’ve worn my new britches, er…track pants… three times so far. And from what I can tell they seem to be cut from the same cloth as Aphrodite’s girdle.

Just ask the fella at the gas station who kept peeking an eye around the pump to watch me leaning back on the side of my truck even though he finished filling his tank long before I finished mine.

I don’t normally wear underpants when I’m wearing sweats. Not to show off (although I admit to exhibitionist tendencies), but just because I just love the feel of the fabric up against my bits. Sweatshirt material feels like is was woven for the specific purpose of caressing your junk. And the track pants material feels real good, too.

In fact, in some ways it’s nicer because I’ve got more support than in sweats. In sweat pants I’m usually banging around like a bell clapper on Christmas morning. But these track pants hold everything in place…in bulk. Which probably explains why the greeter at Sam’s Club was more interested in my britches than my club card when I was in there the other day. Sam’s Club is all about bulk.

You probably think I like these pants because i want people check out my package. Not true. Even though I’m an exhibitionist, I’m really sort of a backwards exhibitionist. I don’t make it a point to advertise the show, but if somebody happens to catch it, I’ll let them watch as long as they want.

Besides, the magic in these britches is not what they do up front. It’s what happens in the rear. I don’t think Houdini, Harry Potter, and Samantha from “Bewitched” combined could make it look like I have a nice butt the way these pants do.

They’re like the Wonder Bra of pants. Wonder Britches. I’m not going to lie. I don’t have much ass, but I couldn’t stop twisting and turning in the mirror the first time I put them on.

And it was kind of new and exciting to get cruised by a cyclist on a walking/bike trail today. Because he came up from behind. He was already checking me out before he passed me. The stuff up front was just gravy. And the gravy is a good thing if for no other reason than it makes sure he understands that despite what the pants may tell him, I’m not a bottom.

Yep. There’s very powerful magic in these pants. But with great power comes great responsibility. If i was to wear these pants and a wife-beater at the same time, I might just be branded a witch. But then, sometimes a witch might enjoy being hunted.

20 Responses to “Magic Britches”

  1. DWQ Online Says:

    We are going to need more photographic evidence of the back and definitely the front in your new magic britches. :)

  2. Curtis Says:

    “Britches”. I love that word. It makes me giggle.

  3. Paul Says:

    Good for ya! Now turn around and lemme see what it looks like from the front!

  4. paxed Says:

    You sure you ain’t Gorgon or a cockatrice? You’re turning me to stone already… :D

  5. Todd/Imnot2bzy Says:

    Damn it the photo doesn’t get any bigger…
    I need an ass like that. Hmm that might be a song.

  6. Kelly Says:

    Britches!! I feel like I am back home listening to my mom and grandma talk about what to ge the kids for christmas… hehe… though I can only imagine the wife beater and those new britches you got… maybe you should take a pic, post it, and let us as readers decide if you should venture out into public… hehehe

  7. Blobby Says:

    Me thinks thoust doest protest too much – regarding not wanting people to check out your junk. I can live w/the denial if we get the show!

  8. sue Says:

    It’s those new fangled fabrics they make these days. You know, lycra and spandex that give you the lift. We girls have known about the “miracles” of these fabrics for years. Welcome to modern times. BTW – I agree with the boys; a front view would be nice. :)

  9. Cooper Says:

    I’ve got some pants like those and I agree, they do show off the “assets” very nicely! I’ll join the choir above and sing about the gravy” I’m telling you I’m not going until you and you and you show a pic front view… and I’m gonna love you”…

  10. Mike Says:

    I like the sound of these britches….who makes them?

    Just wish I could fill them out like you do!

  11. Brenton Says:

    Where do we find these magic britches? while I do have a bit of a butt, i’m sure the “gravy” can do with a little help in front and I have a lot of trouble finding sweats or track pants that look sexy.
    Most of them look like i’ve donated my arse to charity and then soiled myself.

  12. yaniboy Says:

    I’m with DWQ… bring on the photos… although I am assuming that the shot at the top of the post is your Magic Britches Bootay…

  13. brian Says:

    Does RJ know what a solid he did for you this Christmas? Thank him profusely and get others in assorted colors! Mix and match. Now YOUR milkshake can bring all the boys to the yard but the hot dog will keep them there.

  14. Erik Says:

    Um, okay, I just found your blog and this post…so. Freaking. Hot. I don’t even need to see the front view, the way you’ve described things has gotten my imagination going. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.

  15. BewilderedofLondon Says:

    Shake yer money-maker baby!

  16. tank Says:

    uhh, i like the idea you have discovered your rear.. for guys like us it’s something easy to forget.. i hope you realize the real purpose of it before too long ;)

  17. brettcajun Says:

    My “magic” jeans seem to be my tight Lucky Jeans. I have this one pair that makes my ass look WAY MORE AWESOME than it probably really is. Good for you for finding your “magic jeans”!

  18. knottyboy Says:

    Christ all mighty babe. I normally don’t sprout wood in mixed company. But this morning was different…very different indeed. Check please!

  19. Bob TuYu Says:

    Hey Mr. Man…

    Jake showed us his business in a dress…
    And you won’t even turn around!

    Wimpy! Wimpy! Wimpy!

  20. kenneth Says:

    Wrap it up, I’ll take it!