Comments on: Monday Mailbox #2 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/ The Ramblings and 'Ritings of a Big-Dicked Country Boy Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:50:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: ZanderT http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-46086 ZanderT Sat, 13 Jan 2007 03:59:53 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-46086 I am also a "feeler'.a bit too esp.about loss/abandonment & Dealth, I totally understand ur fear,I too felt the same about my Mother, a fear of losing her even when I was a wee small lad, She did leave us,and them died when I was 17,and it was such a profound loss,more so that our parents were divorced,and my "Father" was more of a Fishing/Hunting Buddy.He died 6 yrs ago,and I felt more relieved,and at peace that he wasn't suffereing,yet that my sibs and I were'nt either,( Too Bad. we are not close) I aslo lost a dear Aunt,almost like a second mother. This"fear' of yur is real and okay,and it's a big step to acknowldge it,and deal with it, the best that U know how. I really do feel for you. I'm glad yu stil have Granny.I never really knew mine. Take care. there is more to U than a pretty face etc. I am also a “feeler’.a bit too esp.about loss/abandonment & Dealth, I totally understand ur fear,I too felt the same about my Mother, a fear of losing her even when I was a wee small lad, She did leave us,and them died when I was 17,and it was such a profound loss,more so that our parents were divorced,and my “Father” was more of a Fishing/Hunting Buddy.He died 6 yrs ago,and I felt more relieved,and at peace that he wasn’t suffereing,yet that my sibs and I were’nt either,( Too Bad. we are not close) I aslo lost a dear Aunt,almost like a second mother. This”fear’ of yur is real and okay,and it’s a big step to acknowldge it,and deal with it, the best that U know how. I really do feel for you. I’m glad yu stil have Granny.I never really knew mine. Take care. there is more to U than a pretty face etc.

]]> By: Tony http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-46062 Tony Fri, 12 Jan 2007 08:15:17 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-46062 LT, My mom has always classified me, the oldest, as the 'feeler' in the family. Perhaps better descriptions are the sensitive, the compassionate one. Finally got around to reworking a bit of my blogroll and finally keyed you in (i've had you bookmarked on my computer for months! LT,
My mom has always classified me, the oldest, as the ‘feeler’ in the family. Perhaps better descriptions are the sensitive, the compassionate one.

Finally got around to reworking a bit of my blogroll and finally keyed you in (i’ve had you bookmarked on my computer for months!

]]> By: BewilderedofLondon http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-44934 BewilderedofLondon Thu, 11 Jan 2007 11:16:04 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-44934 Actually. I sort of agree. Limbo can be good. Lots of people would be very happy with the luxury of limbo. We do need to protect ourselves emotionally. Eventually we are all left or we leave. We're all ultimately alone. Objectively, you're right... However, in the meantime, I do hope that someone nice comes along who actively diagrees with you in a very persistent, kind and intimate way and offers enough distraction for you not to notice or mind. Or maybe you could be that person for someone else? Or maybe you could be a happy hermit? Alone can be quite liberating. It's all fine if you're fine. Actually. I sort of agree.
Limbo can be good. Lots of people would be very happy with the luxury of limbo.
We do need to protect ourselves emotionally. Eventually we are all left or we leave. We’re all ultimately alone.
Objectively, you’re right…
However, in the meantime, I do hope that someone nice comes along who actively diagrees with you in a very persistent, kind and intimate way and offers enough distraction for you not to notice or mind. Or maybe you could be that person for someone else?
Or maybe you could be a happy hermit?
Alone can be quite liberating.
It’s all fine if you’re fine.

]]> By: sfjohn http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-44167 sfjohn Wed, 10 Jan 2007 21:45:00 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-44167 Tony, This is beatifully written. I, too, am a feeler ('sensitive' is the word most often used by people) & a bit of a loner. We all suffer great loss and those losses omly make us stronger & more alive. You are never alone - those people are always in your heart - which obviously you have a very big heart; plus you have your friends and this community you've created! Tony,
This is beatifully written. I, too, am a feeler (’sensitive’ is the word most often used by people) & a bit of a loner. We all suffer great loss and those losses omly make us stronger & more alive.
You are never alone - those people are always in your heart - which obviously you have a very big heart; plus you have your friends and this community you’ve created!

]]> By: Rich http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43769 Rich Wed, 10 Jan 2007 01:22:51 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43769 I'm most afraid of what I saw walking out of the bathroom at the Eagle on Sunday. Now THAT was some scary shit, lemme tell you. I’m most afraid of what I saw walking out of the bathroom at the Eagle on Sunday. Now THAT was some scary shit, lemme tell you.

]]> By: Cooper http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43767 Cooper Tue, 09 Jan 2007 23:09:25 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43767 I sit here stunned reading this because you have just put into words my own deepest fears. You have expressed with such courage and honesty what I've been afraid to actually come out and write or say. People who have family do not understand what that kind of loss is like to those of us who have none left. I too wasn't told just how ill my Nana (who raised me) was before she died. I was left with a deep distrust of people that has never fully gone away. Thanks for giving me a voice today through your own words. I sit here stunned reading this because you have just put into words my own deepest fears. You have expressed with such courage and honesty what I’ve been afraid to actually come out and write or say. People who have family do not understand what that kind of loss is like to those of us who have none left. I too wasn’t told just how ill my Nana (who raised me) was before she died. I was left with a deep distrust of people that has never fully gone away. Thanks for giving me a voice today through your own words.

]]> By: Bob TuYu http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43765 Bob TuYu Tue, 09 Jan 2007 20:05:24 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43765 I recognize your fear and respect your position. I understand it. But, you also seem to be viewing Life from the limited vantage point of a One-Way Street. That is: Your view only looks out for Tony. Consider this: If I were your boyfriend, I would be mortified with the fear that YOU would leave me! You ARE a Prize, ya know! So turn the beat around, Bro. Imagine what fears your companion will face, and I suspect his monsters will be far worse than yours. Without a Heaven there is no Hell? Without Loss and Pain there is no Love and Happiness. I recognize your fear and respect your position. I understand it. But, you also seem to be viewing Life from the limited
vantage point of a One-Way Street. That is: Your view only looks out for Tony.

Consider this: If I were your boyfriend, I would be mortified with the fear that YOU would leave me! You ARE a Prize, ya
know! So turn the beat around, Bro. Imagine what fears your companion will face, and I suspect his monsters will be
far worse than yours.

Without a Heaven there is no Hell?
Without Loss and Pain there is no Love and Happiness.

]]> By: atari_age http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43764 atari_age Tue, 09 Jan 2007 19:29:20 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43764 Man, this sounds familiar. All I can say, though I have similar thoughts which I've written about in the past, is that it's worth considering if your final two lines are the way things should really be. I know very well it seems that way is safest - but then, in the end if you keep everyone at arm's length, aren't you still alone? Man, this sounds familiar. All I can say, though I have similar thoughts which I’ve written about in the past, is that it’s worth considering if your final two lines are the way things should really be. I know very well it seems that way is safest - but then, in the end if you keep everyone at arm’s length, aren’t you still alone?

]]> By: Blobby http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43758 Blobby Tue, 09 Jan 2007 14:53:52 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43758 Tony - it's a great post. Really one of the best I've read - from anyone. Tony - it’s a great post. Really one of the best I’ve read - from anyone.

]]> By: Jay http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43753 Jay Tue, 09 Jan 2007 04:35:56 +0000 http://blog.largetony.com/2007/01/08/monday-mailbox-2/#comment-43753 Tony. Fear of abandonment. You've touched on this before with how you are with a boyfriend (the arm around him not so much out of jealousy or control, but out of not wanting him to leave you). Well, I'll tell you like my therapist told me. You can't fully experience life without opening yourself up to be vulnerable and that includes taking the risk that you'll be hurt. Maybe even hurt with your worst fears. In your case this is someone leaving you. I'm sorry that those closest to you left without warning, but I can't believe that you'll be alone after your granny dies. You have friends, right? I know it's not the same as family, but you love them and they love you, correct? Whatever happens, please don't close yourself off to the point where you allow your fear of being left alone to stop you from fully experiencing getting close to someone. Please always feel. Thanks for opening up with this post. Tony. Fear of abandonment. You’ve touched on this before with how you are with a boyfriend (the arm around him not so much out of jealousy or control, but out of not wanting him to leave you).

Well, I’ll tell you like my therapist told me. You can’t fully experience life without opening yourself up to be vulnerable and that includes taking the risk that you’ll be hurt. Maybe even hurt with your worst fears. In your case this is someone leaving you. I’m sorry that those closest to you left without warning, but I can’t believe that you’ll be alone after your granny dies. You have friends, right? I know it’s not the same as family, but you love them and they love you, correct? Whatever happens, please don’t close yourself off to the point where you allow your fear of being left alone to stop you from fully experiencing getting close to someone.

Please always feel. Thanks for opening up with this post.

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