LARGETONY Blog

I’ve mentioned before that I just might have the tiniest obsession with order. One of the by-products of my order disorder is routine. I do pretty much the same thing everyday. I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday. I have the same thing for lunch on most days. I even wank it pretty much the same time (and number of times) everyday.

Some may call it a rut. I call it routine. I call it routine because there are variations from time to time. There are some days I’ll use my left instead of the right, for example.

So, it’s not all that odd when I do things that I almost never do. But what is odd is that the past week was filled with things that bust my routine. I don’t know if it’s a moon phase, a life change, or what.

First off, on Monday I went the movies. I go to the movies about as often as Paris Hilton wears panties. I haven’t been to the movies since March (Brokeback Mountain). It was the previous June before that (Batman Begins). I did stay true to form as an order junkie by seeing another movie whose title begins with a “B.” (Borat).

The main reason I hardly ever go to the movies is that I don’t want to spend eight bucks on something that I’m not positive I am going to like. (I would be horrible in Vegas.) If I just have a passing interest or a lukewarm feeling about a movie, I will wait and just catch it on cable next year. Having seen Sasha Baron Cohen on cable already, I was sure I would enjoy Borat. So no risk. Not only did I enjoy it, I loved it. It was even better than I thought it would be. It was like working a flush at the poker table and having it turn into a straight flush. As an authority on not seeing film, go see this one.

I got to the movie in time to see the trailers (and commercials). This is also something that I almost never do. I like to get to a movie just in time to see the opening credits. If I go to a restaurant to eat, I don’t want to have to read next week’s menu first. That said, I was actually glad I did see the trailers, because the first one was for Dreamgirls.

Judging by the way a friend of mine looked at me like I had a dinosaur fetus growing out the side of my head when I asked him if he had heard about this movie, you all probably already know about it. Well, before that trailer, I had not. The only Dreamgirls I knew of was a series of straight pornos. But, this Dreamgirls is about a black girl R&B singing group (an you all know my affinity for such things). So you know that I am going to go see it. That will be two movies in a month’s time. I don’t think I have done that in all my 31 years. I really ought to work on upping the frequency.

Tuesday was the usual routine, but on Wednesday I shook things up a bit. I almost never miss work. And technically I did miss work on Wednesday. I just cut the day short. While I was having my usual baloney sandwich for lunch (I know it’s supposed to be “bologna,” but I just can’t bring myself to call it that), I got a ring on my phone from Patrick. He was over the mountain and was in need of some mounting. Yes, I ditched work for the rest of the day to fill his ditch.

Since I have not had sex since last encountering Patrick last June, I guess getting laid also count as something I almost never do. I think it still qualifies even though we hooked up again on Thursday (this time after work). I don’t even remember when I was last deep inside someone two days in a row. I guess it’s similar to movies. I almost want to be sure that I am going to enjoy it. With Patrick, I’m always sure. If Borat was a straight flush, then Patrick is a Royal Flush, Blackjack, and the Powerball rolled into one.

The rest of the week fell back into routine. (Unless you count Florence Nightingale-ing my overworked Johnson.) Another bowl of oatmeal. Another baloney sandwich. And wishing the Gators would lose.

Oh, but I did get a link to a video clip from a fella with pretty blue eyes. While it’s not routine for him to send me such things, it’s not that unusual, either. But for me to post a video clip on the blog…that’s something I never do.

But this I had to share. It’s so funny I almost shit my pants (thank God no one was here to film it. ).

You all better enjoy this. It took me forever to figure out how to post it on the page.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 at 7:49 pm and is filed under being tony. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.