The Load Not Taken
Guys are simple. We’re basic.
I think all guys have like three basic needs in life and as long as two of the three are being fulfilled, it keeps us sane and stable. Take two of those needs from us and we become the Unabomber or OJ.
Every guy has a different Basic Three. Like DNA, it’s unique to each of us. Almost. One of the three always involves something to do with sex. And that’s usually the one that turns us into a crazy man. (Do you think the Unabomber was doing much rolling the honeys, locked up in his cabin sporting a hoodie and Ray Bans?)
My Basic Three are air, football, and fucking. Based on a conversation we were having, a friend of mine said to me recently, “You really like fucking, don’t you?” Well..duh. Yeah. And if I don’t do it soon, I’m going to end up killing somebody.
Lucky for me that air is constant and football is in season, otherwise I just might be sitting in a ten by seven room right now. Locked up for being a sexual non-offender.
Maybe that’s what I need. If “Oz” is any indication, prison is like an all access pass to Bootieville. What else are you going to do locked in a cage with another guy all day? And I’d still have air. Maybe not fresh, but still air. I’ll bet you can even watch ball games on TV in the common area from time to time. Tempting.
Unfortunately for me I have a trigger that often overrides temptation. I guess it’s part of my feminine side. Women seem to be a lot more level headed when it comes to temptation…not counting cheesecake. You could make a woman commit all kinds of offenses for a piece of cheesecake.
Then sometimes it’s not even temptation. Sometimes it’s handed right to me, falls right in my lap, and I let it go. Like Friday.
Remember Patrick who fell into my lap…literally…back in the summer? Well, he was ready to drop his house on me and make my toes curl up like the Witch of the East this weekend. He was back in town and wanted to play juice extractor Friday night.
It’s the end of the work week, I haven’t had any in almost four months, a grade-A piece of tail is begging me to knock down his back door, and I don’t have to buy him dinner or drinks. All I have to do is pack the Trojans, hit the pedal, and show up with a nice big friend. No-brainer, right?
The problem is I used my brain. First off, because I knew I was going to the game on Saturday, I felt like I couldn’t leave Granny alone on Friday night, too. It would have been just too much time away.
(You know, it’s a little embarrassing to get cock-blocked by your grandmother.)
Plus, I was still feeling a little sore from my fall last week. It hurt to bend. So, hunched over Patrick, pounding his lights out, would not only have been painful, but I might not have been at my best. Since this was a not only a command performance but a repeat one, he would have known. No point going into knowing you will disappoint…even if it’s only in a relative sense.
I stayed home. So, I probably ended up disappointing Patrick anyway. But, I’d rather he be disappointed because he was not with me than disappointed because he was. Plus, knowing him, I’m sure he found someone else’s load to take.
He’s a good guy like that. Doing his part for society by keeping the streets free from homicides.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Okay, you turned down sex. Now I know for sure that you needed to see a doctor after your work accident. lol. Maybe there will be another opportunity with him?
BTW - Phooey on cheesecake. I prefer cock, but thanks for asking.
October 23rd, 2006 at 5:41 pm
2 out of 3 ain’t bad Butt know how U feel Butt ( again)with all those passes(BALLS!) & BLOWING(WHISTLES TOO) U could have given some1 a real big halftime show worth watching &setting 2nd half with sore buns lot of people look good n orange!!even with sore ass &throat
Basically!!
October 23rd, 2006 at 7:51 pm
Nonsense! Half-time shows are notorious for wardrobe malfunctions, and bare bottoms in
a stadium filled with Volunteers?
Don’t fret. Absence makes the ass grow fonder. Patrick is bound to remember.
Whatsamatter You? Tennessee beats the snot out of Alabama and not a peep out of YOU???
Are you on the verge of something?
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:14 pm
…sounds like you’re just looking for excuses to kill.
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:18 pm
very well written! and good to hear that you can prioritize your needs!
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:41 pm
Sometimes sexual encounters bring us closer together. Sometimes they drive us farther apart. The physical is nice and good, but there is always something of greater value to be considered. I have no idea if that makes sense to you or not, but it makes a great deal of sense to me right now. And, as you allude to Robert Frost, he said, “that has made all the difference.”
October 23rd, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Saying no to sex. You are a very strong man.
October 24th, 2006 at 5:46 am
I am impressed that you turned down sex after so long and as much as you think about it. It IS rather embarrassing to get cockblocked by your grandmother, though. That was cute. I thought the stereotype was women and chocolate, not cheesecake. Well, let’s hope you don’t wind up killing anyone and that at least two out of your three needs are met. After football season, just think of the football memories to keep yourself sane if you feel yourself losing your grip on reality because the sex thing isn’t being met. Do I need to bring 2 round friends of mine to Tennessee?
October 24th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
Wow, cockblock by grandma and injury. Please step away from the weapon!
Sorry you missed out on what sounded like a sleepless night!
Tonka
October 24th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
I’ve offered more than once. Hell, I’ve offered like 5 times I think! So you just go ahead and breath your mountain air and watch your Vol’s. I’ll just sit here in Alabama and grow old lusting, wanting…..needing. Sigh……
If you are doing without, its not my fault. And don’t expect me to send you any cheese cake while you are locked away at Brushy Mountain Mister!
October 24th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
As far as I recall,no one has ever entered “Oz” convicted as a sexual NONoffender.Besides prison trade is highly overated. I’m fairly certain you have a hand(le) on the sex situation. The holidays are fast approaching, perhaps there will be something for you under the tree.
October 24th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
No one can judge you for your priorities. If it wasn’t right for you, then no sense forcing it. I’m sure he will be back though. He knows a good thing when he (m)eats it. *G*
October 25th, 2006 at 1:23 am
Well LT….
Sometimes we have to be willing to compromise and be creative. You could have lied back and let ‘P” just ride you….riIIIIght! but you did the right thing. Family sometimes comes first. And Granny will only be around so long.
October 25th, 2006 at 4:48 am
The capacity to defer self-gratification is one of the basic measures of maturity.
…I’m told
October 25th, 2006 at 6:45 pm
i’m glad granny wasnt left alone 2 nights in a row. hot tail is a dime a dozen but there’s only one granny!
October 26th, 2006 at 10:35 am
You’re batting 1000 in my book:
- you turned down a peice of ass to take care of your Granny - you’re a good, honorable boy.It’s also sexy……
- you’re banged up & bruised and need me to …ah…. ‘nurse’ you - that’s even sexier
One of these days when I finally get you out here to Frisco I’ll mpore than make up for those missed opportunities!!!