C.O.D.
I am the most normal person I know. Sure, I have some issues. I’m a social misfit. I hold grudges. I don’t like the way I look. But those are issues that lots of people have. Normal issues. Not necessarily healthy. But normal. My issues are normal, therefore I am normal…or so I thought.
I’m pretty neat and tidy. I have been as long as I can remember. Even when I was a kid. Nothing abnormal about that. Especially for a homo, right?
But I recently discovered something about my neatness. Technically, it was not my discovery. It was pointed out by a friend. But when Columbus was crossing the Atlantic on the Nina (or Pinta or Santa Maria), it’s very possible that one of his crew saw land, nudged him and said, “Hey, Chris! Look over there!” Still, Columbus gets the credit for discovering what really wasn’t what we now call America.
You see, a friend of mine got a hold of my “brush buddy.” That what I call the canvas pouch where I keep my paint brushes all lined up, each tucked into its own pocket, arranged acording to size. “Anal Retentive” was the phrase he used. I think that’s a little bit strong, but I started thinking that maybe he was on to something.
If you look at the pouch itself, it’s pretty grimey, and covered in paint splotches and drippings. Same thing goes for the brushes (the handles, not the bristles). But the brushes are lined up like Von Trapp children. So while the brushes are not all that clean, they are definitely in order.
I realized it wasn’t just about the “brush buddy.” This behavior pops up with other shit in my life, too.
For example, I hate to iron clothes, so I avoid it if I can get away with it. But, at the same time, every piece of clothing I have has a very definite place in the closet or drawers.
I’m bad about keeping dust off of shelves, but the books that are on them are arranged thickest to thinest, starting on the left.What I always thought was normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill neatness is actually an abnormal preoccupation with order.
I don’t always shave as often as I should, but there’s a particular spot in the bathroom for the razor, right next to the particular spot for the shaving cream, right next to the particular spot for the beard trimmer, right next to the spot for the comb, etc, etc, etc.
I suffer from COD. Compulsive Order Disorder.
I tried to convince myself that it really is about being clean and neat rather than obsessed with order. Because being clean is a nice healthy normal trait, right?
As proof, I used the fact that I can’t go to sleep at night if I know there is a dirty glass in the sink. But, since I also can’t leave the glass to air dry in the rack overnight, I realize that it’s not about being clean, but about having the glass back in the cabinet. The fact is, I want the glass in the cabinet, and in order to do that, it has to be clean first. So, the cleanliness part is really just a by-product of the COD.
And I have mentioned in previous posts that I have this thing about starting new projects or whatever at the first of the week or month or year. That’s why this blog started on September first, two years ago. I just couldn’t make myself do it like the 16th or the 29th. It’s amazing that I did’t wait 4 more months until January first. Start of the month, start of the year. That would have been perfect. And do I need to mention how it would have turned me on if it have been a Sunday (start of the week) or Monday (start of the work week) on top of that? (I’ll bet you money that when the times comes to close this thing down, it’ll happen on a Friday or the 31st.)
When did I become a freak? How did I let it happen? And why haven’t I discovered it before now? Maybe just like what Columbus discovered wasn’t America, what I have discovered isn’t a disorder. Or even better, maybe the world really is flat. Like normal.
October 10th, 2006 at 8:01 am
It only means that you should be in a business where compulsive behavior is better rewarded than in painting trim. I am also compulsive but I went into a business where it was rewarded better. You are not a freak. It is a gift; you are better than the average bear. (No, not THAT kind of bear.)
October 10th, 2006 at 8:02 am
that is so NOT being a freak - though I’m hardly one to talk. It took a while, but I finally broke my habit of alphabetzing my CD collection by artist then by title (ok, i STILL do that), but no longer do the CDs in the case have to be facing upward.
of course everything in the bathroom has to have a certain place - regardless of how often you use them. people who don’t do that are the weirdos.
that’s my story and i’m stickin’ to it.
October 10th, 2006 at 9:15 am
Well, I work in a laboratory so that right there should tell you something. They say I’m “particular” about my space. Home isn’t much different. I actually have a special comb for the fringe on the area rugs. But your books really should be arranged by the dewey decimal system, like mine.
October 10th, 2006 at 9:16 am
Wait, wait, wait. For pity’s sakes, wait.
The only thing you’re obsessing about is that possibility that you’re obsessing about something. This isn’t some kind of compulsive disorder. You’re just ORGANIZED! Tony, haven’t you read David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”? Or Julie Morgenstern’s “Organizing From The Inside Out”?
You’re not a freak, you’re the Poster Child of Organized Gentleman! [cue the applause track here, please]
October 10th, 2006 at 9:30 am
OH Tony!
Are you sounding like me or what or vice versa?!?! I hadn’t really thought about it until now but I am the exact same way. I think I am more into trying to create an order than really being neat. But you know , it’s not a bad thing. It’s what brings calm into our individual lives.
October 10th, 2006 at 11:40 am
And you are the most normal person I know,or so I thought. ” Brush Buddy”? Thickest to thinnest starting on the left? Glass in cabinet Only!? Well Ok then.Step away from the utensil drawer!
October 10th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Dude…
Which one of the Von Trapp children would I BE?
October 10th, 2006 at 2:02 pm
You don’t like the way you look!?! Whaddya NUTS!?!?!
October 10th, 2006 at 2:52 pm
Come organize my bedroom
October 10th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
i have a similar problem, myself. I can’t type a letter or a message or a blog reply or anything unless each word begins with an “A” and is immediately followed with a B,C,D,E,F, etc.
scary, isnt it?
October 10th, 2006 at 3:42 pm
my von trapp kid would have to be Friedrich. i always had sort of a crush on him as a kid. Kurt was always much too pudgy and faggy. However, in personality, i’m MOST definitely a Brigitta.
October 10th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
You are totally right - you’re a freak, and a pretty one at that. Own it, live it, love it. -A.
October 10th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
“…but the books that are on them are arranged thickest to thinest, starting on the left…”
What kinda of weirdo system is that? You mean that you don’t organise them from tallest to shortest like a normal person?
Yeah, I have a little COD too… but only about certain things…
October 10th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
and your point is …
October 12th, 2006 at 3:34 am
I think we all have our quirks that make us unique. Don’t you fret Big T, we like you just the way you are.
October 12th, 2006 at 5:29 am
I recall reading in some scientific journal (as you do…!) that men display much higher incidences of mild (as well as severe,) autistic behaviour, focusing obsessively on single tasks , repetitive actions, routines, games, sports, etc. (yes I know that’s not a comprehensive definition of that condition, but…) Like a facility to map reading, spacial awareness, etc. I think all that stuff is a guy thing, in our ‘wiring’. This doesn’t mean women can’t display similar tendencies, only that it’s more common in the generality (and a semi-autistic multi-tasker with COD would never get out of the house!) I see it in my nephew but my niece has a much freer approach to things. It’s all just a matter of degree. You’re still ‘normal’.
October 12th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
“Pervert!!!”
October 13th, 2006 at 1:34 am
great blog..we make like the same guys…although you look cute!
October 13th, 2006 at 6:16 am
Get help.
October 13th, 2006 at 6:18 am
Just kidding. I think you’re fine. You don’t obsess over it, you just do those things. It’s not like you’re thinking about these things all the time. You and my best friend are alike in that way. His car, apartment, room, bathroom all have the same order. I am organized and ordered, but I can leave a cup in the sink overnight and don’t do the size thing. It drives him nuts at times. Sometimes I do it just to piss him off. hee hee.
October 16th, 2006 at 1:06 pm
Tony,
I don’t know what is worse, your C.O.D. or our panic that strikes several times a day because we can’t find our wallets, belts to hold up our pants, the book that we need for research, or keys before we leave the house. Both my partner and me are capable of solving the most complex logical problems, but we’re hopelessly chaotic when it comes to housekeeping. Neither one of the extremes seems to be a viable way of enjoying everyday existence.