Hitchin’ Post
So, Sue wanted to know the details on the wedding yesterday. I guess a girl would. And I guess a lot of you who read this blog are the fancy type of homo (you know who you are. 
) So, I guess you want to know, too. So, I’ll devote this post to J and C’s wedding. Yep…This is the Hitchin’ Post.
I have been to a handful of wedding in my life. (Have I ever mentioned that I don’t like weddings?) Well, this is the first time I have been a part of a wedding and now I dislike them even more. I’m so glad I am never going to have one. First thing tomorrow I am going to throw out all of Jake’s copies of Modern Bride.
The thing I don’t get about weddings is the big show that gets put on for everybody. Weddings seem to be more about impressing the guest than anything. But I think a lot of what goes on in churches seems to be more about impressions than the individuals. But that’s a rant I’m not going on.
Actually, from what everyone else was saying, this wedding was pretty smooth. But there were a few hitches in the hitchin’. First, the wedding was supposed to start at 4:00, but a lot of guests were still arriving so the proceedings were a little late. Not too bad, except that the ceremony was supposed to start with the organ player ringing the church chimes four times. It happened more like ten after four. Eastern Hitchin’ Time.
So, while the organ played, they did the parade of parents and grandparents down the aisle, then we (the penguins) came in the side door with the preacher and took our places. The bridesmaids were next. To answer Sue’s question, their dresses were kind of a golden color. I don’t know what kind of flowers they had but there were yellow ones and white ones in the bunches. Maybe they were roses. I don’t know. I never really payed much attention to them.
C’s dress was white, and she her hair all curled up. (It’s usually pretty straight). I don’t really know the best way to describe her dress other than it looked like a wedding dress. The bottom of it was pretty big and it didn’t have sleeves, and there were like jewel things all around her bosom. I have to say she’s a real pretty girl. J definitely scored a hot chick.
I think the whole thing took like twenty minutes with the singer and the prayers and the vows and the candle lighting and all. But it felt like forever. Mostly cause I just wasn’t exactly kicking up my heels at having to stand with a hundred people staring at us. But I kept telling myself that everybody is looking at J and C, not the rest of us. I didn’t lose or drop the ring, but I did almost hand it to him too soon. I almost forgot to wait for him to recite his pledge to her. One of the groomsmen saw me going for my pocket and he just nudged me in a real discreet way. Distaster averted. I doubt that anybody caught it, but there will be a video.
Probably the only other eventful thing was that the reception was late starting, too. It was held at a hotel about ten minutes away, but it got delayed because the wedding pictures (taken outside, by the way) ran too long. Definitely too long when you’re wearing long sleeves and black at five o’clock in East Tennessee in July. Hopefully a bunch of drowned rats didn’t take wedding pictures the same day or the photo place might mix up the orders.
ADDENDUM- Monday, July 10
No, I did not catch the bouquet. ‘Cause I’m a guy. And no I did not catch the garter. ‘Cause I like guys. When the whole garter thing came about I got as much in the back of the group of single men as I could. Ya’ll know I love being in the back of single men. :-) I was tall enough and had a long enough reach to snatch out of the air before anybody had a chance. But I figured I’d spare myself the teasing and suggestive “you’re next”s. Besides, let somebody who wants to get married have it.
July 10th, 2006 at 5:04 am
So? Did you catch the bride’s bouquet?
July 10th, 2006 at 5:57 am
“Eastern Hitchin’ time”
LOL LOL LOL
July 10th, 2006 at 6:23 am
Sounds like this was a Protestant wedding. Be glad it wasn’t Catholic — we go on even longer! Thank God you didn’t drop the ring.
July 10th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Yeah, Catholic weddings are no joke for length. Upwards of two hours. I’ve seen it where folding chairs are brought out for the bridal party because they had to stand so long. I hate how long wedding pictures take. I’ve heard of some people doing it before the ceremony. How was the reception? Ha @ “drowned rats.”
July 10th, 2006 at 12:06 pm
Long sleeves, black tuxes, July and East Tennesee combine forces to make for a perfect storm of discomfort. Thank goodness J only gets married once in a lifetime(God willing).
July 10th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
See, that wasn’t so bad now, was it? And now you have another post. You can thank me later. Things to remember about weddings: 1) they are all for the BRIDE. Not the groom. Not the men. Nobody counts but the bride. If the bride is happy, everybody can be happy. Golden bride’s maids dresses, that sounds pretty, with yellow and white roses; I approve. Bride being a hot chick sounds good. Oh yeah, the other thing, weddings can tend to run a bit late. You may have been sweating your ass off in your rented tux, but the bride’s maids had to buy that damn yellow dress that they will probably never get to wear again. So count yourself lucky. If their shoes matched they had to buy those too. 20 minutes is not bad at all. I was raised Catholic and like Jay have seen longer ceremonies. Like Bewildered, I would like to know if you caught the bridal bouquet. You being so tall, you would have had the best chance at it… Good report. Hitchin Post. Too funny!
July 10th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Did ya catch the garter!
July 10th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Remember last summer when I told you about Jimmy’s wedding that I photographed? Yeah, that was the end of me even being a wedding photographer. When it’s 90 degrees and you’re literally ten feet from the Atlantic Ocean, that’s hot.
Anyway, your comment about how hot you were reminded me of Jimmy’s stepfather, who went shirtless to the reception. People are funny in situations like that
July 11th, 2006 at 9:43 am
RE: ADDENDUM
Oh judge me do you heartless Studmuffin…
YOU may be proud, dignified and oozing testosterone, but some of us need all the luck we can get!
I’m a guy too and I’d have merrily trampled to death a dozen eager spinsters in my lunge for that bouquet!!!
Then I’d have pondered how I went from being a catch to making the catch…
‘The bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress, and like the flowers.’ - (Miss Havisham) Great Expectations.
“…is that you Pip?”
{sigh}
July 11th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Christ that was the straightest description I have heard! Yellow and white flowers? No discussing the material of the dress? “Golden” bridesmaid dresses? Honey, besides dick, are you gay?
July 12th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
I loved it. A perfect description from a guy’s perspective. When I read the wedding stories in the society section I’m always thinking, “Who cares what type of flowers they were or what fabric the dress is made of.”
I want to know about the guys — Were they in boxers or briefs? What color? Did any of the men get their pubes trimmed for the occasion? And about the ring, where you wearing a new cockring?
March 7th, 2007 at 1:54 am
The cabin’s western style décor and wood-burning fireplace invite folks to kick off their boots and cuddle up for a while.
April 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I would like to know if you caught the bridal bouquet. You being so tall, you would have had the best chance at it… Good report. Hitchin Post. Too funny!
July 30th, 2007 at 12:17 am
WHite….and what you wore by the way?? Red?:P
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