Crash and Burn
Your heart rate is up a little bit. Your palms are a little sweaty. Your pits may be, too. You have a bit of anxiety, but not so much that it keeps you from stepping on board. Lift off begins and you feel a sinking feeling in your guts for just a moment. Then it sort of seems okay. You’re gliding along. Maybe even floating a little. You don’t know why you haven’t done it sooner. But, are those storms clouds forming on the horizon? That may have been a distant rumble of thunder. Maybe even a lightening strike. The ride is definitley getting a little choppy. The warning sirens go off. And the next thing you know…crash and burn.
So, here’s how it went:
The restuarant where I was meeting RJ, a couple of other friends, and my semi-blind “date” was on the far west side of Knoxville. Because I live very far east of Knoxville, period, and everybody was traveling on I-40 for the holiday weekend, it was quite a drive for me. Long enough to calm my nerves some…and long enough to talk myself out of it all, too. But I didn’t. I stuck with it. I stuck with it it like my balls were to my inner thigh. (The temperature was at that perfect level where it’s cool enough to drive with the windows open, but just warm enough that you should have used the air conditioner if you’re going to be sitting in the cab of a truck for an hour and a half or more).
So, I get to the restuarant that I have never been to before to meet RJ, his friends that I have never met before, and, of course, my date, who I had only seen a picture of, and for the purposes of this post will be referred to as “Brian.”
Naturally I was the last one to get there, so I was immediately faced with the uncomfortable position of having everybody’s eyes fixed on me. I think I would rather stare down a mountain lion than have four gay men giving me the once over. Because you know they are all zeroing in on the flaws. They were in the bar area of the restuarant still waiting for a table, which was going to be at least a half hour. Well, the horses were out of the gate. No turning back now.
I didn’t talk a whole lot at first. I never know what to say to new people, and plus a lot of the time they were talking about things that I really didn’t know about. But, Brian seemed to be a pretty decent guy. He moved to Tennessee from Atlanta almost a year ago and works doing advertising sales. RJ had already told him that I am a painter, but evidently he took it as me being an art type of painter, rather than houses. So, there was a little embarressment about that initially. I think he was embarressed that he made the assumption, and I was a little embarressed that I wasn’t quite what he thought. But we got by that, and things loosened up some. It was good to have RJ and the other guys there, because they kept conversation going and took some of the pressure off of me to be interesting.
When the time came for us to get our table, it turned out to be a table for two. RJ and the other guys had planned to just join me and Brian for some drinks, then they were going to head off to a movie. Great. One on one. Well, Tony, isn’t that what a date is about?
Once we sat down, the focus was on the menu and discussing what were were going to eat, so that kept the conversation reasonably lively and we talked about the types of foods we like. Not surprisingly my taste in food was a bit more basic than his, but he didn’t seem to mind. Although when I ordered my meal, he pointed out that I might want to have a glass of wine with it, instead of the beer that I had already ordered. I told him that I really don’t drink wine very much, so he asked me if didn’t like wine. I like wine okay, I just don’t know to much about it, so I never really started drinking it. And he said, “We’re going to have to give you a few lessons before the next time we go out.”
Next time we go out? Only known him about forty-five minutes at this point and he’s already suggesting a next time. That was pretty cool. His comment about the beer and wine wasn’t as cool, because it kind of made me feel like he was being sort of snobby. But, then maybe I was being sensitive.
But no. It was a sign. Just a little glimpse of what was to come. The distant rumble of thunder.
Somewhere between ordering and getting our food there was a lull in the conversation and Brian picked this moment to ask me how I thought it was going. I told him that I’m always a little nervous about meeting new people, but I felt like we were getting along pretty good. He told me not to worry, because so far I was passing the test. I think he was making a joke, because he laughed after he said it, but it didn’t exactly make want to come more out of my shell.
But, I shouldn’t have worried about being interesting. It turns out that Brian was interesting enough for the both of us. Just ask him. He will tell you. Actually, you don’t even have to ask him. In fact, he’ll ask you. He asked me what was the first thing I thought when I walked in the restaurant and saw him. I joked that all I could think was that I had to work my way through a crowded bar and that I hoped I could do it without bumping into someone and knocking them down and making a fool of myself…which isn’t entirely a joke.
I guess it wasn’t a joke to him because he did not even crack a smile. He just said, “No. I mean what did you think of me?” So, I told him that he has very pretty eyes…which he does. And he told me that everyone thinks they are colored contacts because they are so pretty, but they’re not. Was that lightening?
Next, he asked me if I wanted to know what he thought. Actually, I would have just as soon have bunjee jumped by my nuts, but I figured that if he offered it up, he wasn’t going to say anything bad about me. And he didn’t. He just said that I am taller than he expected. I tried joking again and said, “Everybody thinks it’s because I’m wearing boots, and I am.” He just said “Oh.”
I’m not going to bother you all with a blow by blow of the entire evening, but things just weren’t clicking. Besides getting every detail of his resume and personal history, I got the low down on how dull Knoxville is compared to Atlanta; how he wants to go back; and how he doesn’t understand how people can’t stand a little town like this. (Knoxville is not a big city, true. But it’s not all that small either. About 200,000 people.) I didn’t think it would be a good idea to mention that I actually live in a town of 7,000.
While he was going on about how miserable Knoxville is, he made a fatal error. I mean, it was already becoming a rocky ride, but here’s were things took a nosedive. He started complaining about UT football. Actually, to be fair it wasn’t football he has a problem with. It’s the people who get “stupid” (his word) about it. As he described the type, I realized that I am probably one of those “stupid” people. Crash….and burn.
I know some of you are thinking, “Oh, Tony…people are going to have different interests. Cut him some slack.” I know people have different interests. I don’t expect every guy I meet to like football. I know better than to expect that. It’s just not a real popular sport among gay men. But, I do expect for a guy to understand that it is an interest of mine, and one that I might get “stupid” about from time to time…and to not judge me for it.
So, that was pretty much my evening. Not the big firey finish that I probably led you to believe. There was no heated discussions or a big scene between us. It was just two guys who had no spark ignite between them, but, ironically, managed to crash and burn.
It was not a horrible evening by any means. But not something I’m likely to do again for a while, either.
April 16th, 2006 at 1:07 am
Actually, I think you did nothing wrong at all. I honestly wasn’t impressed with the way he was full of questions about what you thought of him. If all goes well, one doesn’t have to ask those questions. NO one likes those questions and we know we don’t like them asked to us in return. Some just don’t think about it. I think it’s in poor taste. This isn’t a hook-up or a trick who walks to your door and then ask “Well, do I look like my picture? are we cool? Are we going to get it on? This is a date, this is were a bit of instinct or intuition comes in. Body language, paying attention to the communication to figure these out. It’s not a test. There are ways to seek some kind of approval or if the other has an interest without having to blatantly ask. I think you handled yourself well. Peoples social skills today could use a little polishing. I’m sure he was a nice guy though inspite of things. Everyone is at least knowning on some level. Now, that you went thru it. It wasn’t so bad afterall. They keep getting easier. I’m sure the next one will be much better -wink-
April 16th, 2006 at 1:20 am
Aww, Tony! I’m sorry things weren’t a little bit smoother. Turbulence would have been better than an outright crash, for sure! But keep your chin up big guy! Sounds like your date was a little too big for his britches (and not in the way that you are too big for yours!) There are a lot of guys out there like that… full of bravado and themselves… but on the inside they’re pretty shallow and insecure. Definitely not worth your time! All the best to you!
April 16th, 2006 at 1:32 am
Well, shoot. I’m sorry that the evening was a disapointment to you and this guy wasn’t quite what you were hoping for. But don’t throw in the towel just yet. Think of it as the pre-season game. It’s just a warm up. The next one will go better perhaps. Hang in there, buddy.
April 16th, 2006 at 4:35 am
Ouch.
*hugs*
April 16th, 2006 at 4:43 am
Hey, I happen to like Knoxville! Good move Tony.
April 16th, 2006 at 6:35 am
Wished your evening would have went better. Knoxville is a GREAT city. Love the UT games!! And, in Athens, Gainesville, and Tallahassee, they all get crazy! Obviously he is NOT a football fan. Next…. LOL
April 16th, 2006 at 8:19 am
Sounds like he was more nervous than you and a conceited asshole to boot. Apparently he does not know how to relax and have a good time in any surroundings. No need to waste any more time with him. Don’t rule out the next blind date though. Like they say, there are more fish in the sea.
What is the punishment for dissing UT football fans these days?
April 16th, 2006 at 9:01 am
Ouch. First dates are always terrifying - and hey, not everyone appears great during the first time.
Paul
April 16th, 2006 at 10:23 am
Should problems arise during your flight, an oxygen mask will deploy…Just showing up was a tremendous step for you. Don’t thow in the towel yet.Little children go through a phase called parallel play, blind dates can be alot like that.Next time,try to steer the conversation away from each other and more to movies,current events,etc. You would be surprised at how much you can learn about someone by listening to their responses. Also next time can you refer to your date as Bob?
April 16th, 2006 at 10:27 am
Boy did I miss everything… go away for two days and major shit goes down.
Hmmm… Since, in my particular situation, I haven’t had many “dates” in my life, I can’t comment too much on what to do right or wrong. But, from your description, I’d probably be turned off, too. Wow, in fact, you’d think you’d gone on a date in Boston
“Enough about me, let’s talk about you. What to you think of me?”
It’s ok. There’s different types of guys out there and some of them will be right up your alley. Something I *can* say, since I’m saying it to myself, is if you don’t meet guys (even casually), you won’t meet the fraction of people that you really click with.
Keep at it - maybe don’t completely rely on arranged dates. Matchmakers are not all cut from the same cloth.
April 16th, 2006 at 11:02 am
It’s stories like this that makes me glad I found my hubby early!
And he is a mormon so they mate for all eternity!
Wait! What the hell did I get myself into?
April 16th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Oh, the humanity!
He seems to have been a tad ill-mannered. I’d hoped for better for you.
Ah well! Onwards eh? Onwards…
Try again,
fail again,
fail better.
Chin up!
April 17th, 2006 at 12:55 am
He didn’t ‘get’ you, because it sounds like he didn’t have much of a sense of humour. He also sounds arrogant.
Love this line: “It turns out that Brian was interesting enough for the both of us. Just ask him. He will tell you.”
LOL
Definitely, it wasn’t you, it was him.
April 17th, 2006 at 1:18 am
Ah, sounds like this was a bold step for you. I hope this doesn’t discourage you from trying again. But don’t be sorry, he sounds like a dork. I was over him after the wine comment. As if somehow drinking wine instead of beer makes him sophisticated. puh-lease.
I wonder how your friends would ever think to set you up w/someone who obviously wasn’t your type.
April 17th, 2006 at 9:46 am
HMFPH! I can’t stand fags that don’t like SEC football or any other athletic event. It’s one thing to think the UT Vols SUCKASS, but it’s another thing to just diss the sport in it’s entirety. See… if I were to meet you for a date Tony, I would have pissed you off with my “I hate Rocky Top” creedo. Or I would have mouthed off how the SEC West is the superior division. And I would have further pissed you off with my “GEAUX FIGHTING TIGERS! GEAUX ALL THE WAY!”. But… I would have loved to talk about SEC Football.
Sorry about the date boo. I am slowly having a similar fear creep up in me when I meet some pretty damn famous gay bloggers in SF on Thursday and this weekend. I am like… WORRYING BIG TIME. SO… I feel your pain.
April 17th, 2006 at 10:09 am
Eh, so he wasn’t a prince… at lesat you didn’t get warts from kissing a toad.
Here is what I was taught about wine. Fuck the color, fuck the brand, fuck the price, find one that tastes good and drink that one. One of my favorites is a local that cost $5.99/bottle.
By the way, I just bought a house and need it painted. If I pay your ticket and lodging… can ya do it?
Naked? 
April 17th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Well since I haven’t been on a date in 12 years, I’m not sure what I would expect. But dinner just doesn’t seem like the first date kinda thing that I would do. I’m thinking a sporting event or some activity outdoors. Why does it always have to be dinner? Ah man I just spilled sauce on my shirt………where’s that water glass?
Sorry it didn’t go well, but it sounded like he wasn’t the one anyway. Hugs and a grope!
April 17th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
I have always thought it better to meet people doing things you like to do since they would obviously like doing that also. If I am in a gay volleyball league and I meet another guy who also plays volleyball then at least we know we have something in common and a jumping point to a friendship/relationship. But if I don’t care for ice skating why would I go so an ice show for a date with a guy.
Maybe you will find some hot UT fan at a football game to play catch with!
April 17th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
Man, it’s too bad there WASN’T a fiery finish. I would have loved hearing about how you kicked his ass with the boots you were wearing and then asked him if he could still see straight through his beautiful eyes. Oh well. Oh yeah - I’m back. How’ve ya been?
April 17th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Well, I am also sorry that the blind date did not go as well as you hoped. I agree with all the other comments about the shortfalls of “Brian”. However, your description affirmed what I have found in all of your other posts — you are a kind and considerate guy who was “raised right”. You obviously know better than to ask questions that might make a new acquaintance/date/anyone feel uncomfortable. Sadly, you were set up with someone without those admirable qualities. I hope that the next time you go out the match will be significantly better.
April 17th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
First, congratulations on putting yourself out there and getting out of your comfort zone. Even though it turned out to be a dud, this was good for you.
Sounds like he may have been pretty nervous, too. Each time it will hopefully get a little easier (maybe not the date itself, but at least the anxiety associated with it). Dating is so difficult. So frequently we say the wrong things because we’re so concerned about what the other person thinks it becomes impossible to be ourselves. Or we say nothing at all. Who knows? “Brian” may be kicking himself for all the bone-headed comments he made. Or not. Better luck next time.
April 18th, 2006 at 8:35 am
He’s one guy. And I know that there is a perfect match for you out there. I actually think the football thing is kind of funny. I mean, he couldn’t have possibly said anything worse!
You’re still catch. Remember that
April 19th, 2006 at 2:03 am
OMG… you know, at first I was getting a tiny bit jealous that you were going on a blind date with someone who wasn’t me (LOL), but I have to tell you, that you did nothing wrong on this date it seems. And even if you did agree to a second date, I’d definitely suggest against it… Not that I know this guy, but it seems like he seems to think that he’s the “it” guy and that everyone is beneath him… and how dare he talk down about football! I love that shit! Hehehe… shhh don’t tell anyone.. but this gay man is one of those guys who likes to yell his ass off at the games and cheers when the other team screws up heheh.
And hey, don’t worry about the wine thing.. although I like drinking wine, I don’t know all that much about it either ;). Wanna get a beer sometime?
April 19th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
My god, he sounds like one of my Exs!!
This is the reason I NEVER go on blind dates.
April 20th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
I can never think of things to say, and I dont hear so well in bars… end result… people think Im stuck-up.
But, that I know you will meet the guy that is right for you.
April 21st, 2006 at 7:28 am
SOrry things didn’t go well. I must say i only went on 2 dates before I met my partner and he and i was a hook-up…NOT a date. It juest always felt weird dating a guy…who pays, who does what. I was never really comfy with dating guys. Strange I guess. I am glad I found the guy I have.
Dont’ give up though…I am sure someone as good looking as you with all you have to offer will make a guy a great boyfriend.
April 21st, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Consider it a blessing. You now know that you don’t care for conceited, self-centered, the world revolves around them types. Face it, dating is the only way you will find and/or eliminate the qualities you like and don’t like. As they say, get right back on the horse before you loose your nerve. PS Atlanta isn’t all that!!!!!!!!! Take my word for it.
April 27th, 2006 at 11:37 am
Aside from UT football sucking ass (got your attention yet? good! I’m joking, btw), I’m glad you went out there and got out of your zone and went for the blind date. I’m really happy for you that you’re getting out there and not just talking about needing to do it. Good for you!
Now, I’m sorry you had to deal with someone who has such a limited world view and belittles and judges others who don’t fit into the view. It’s sad to encounter people like that. I’m glad you chose to let go of him up front (unlike me, who had to learn the hard way). Atlanta is great for gays, but only in Atlanta. Once you get outside of Atlanta it’s just like any other backwards-thinking part of the South. Also, don’t shy away from dating. It’s always best to start out on the friendship path anyway. That way you can see things you like/don’t like in the person and determine if it’s better to take it to the next level or not, so don’t give up just yet.
April 28th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Well, me personally, I think he was quite the arse and you are better off without him! How amazingly shallow! You sound like a great mate…ummm…guy and if ever our paths cross and we decide to meet at a restaurant…please know the following: I am European and am versed in wine and beer…so…don’t worry, I can associate with you here and IF YOU ARE INTERESTED can share a bit of knowledge on wines with you! Secondly, while I am a lover of football (soccer), I can also appreciate and enjoy the American passtime sport…the uniforms are so much more revealing and you get PAID to make violent tackles….I love it! Thirdly, my English is good, but I still get caught on words and tend to be a bit quiet and reserved to begin with also. And finally, I am a bit modest and mostly do not care how people think I look…LOL…I can not help it……AND DO NOT pass judgement on likes, dislikes or looks!
Again, such brazen, catty, gayness………no, RUDENESS, deserves nothing better than your smile and your pity and back as you walk out of the restaurant!
Cheers mate and keep your chin up!
A big hug and a Heiniken salute!
Erick