LARGETONY Blog

Sex, girls, and pussy are common topics at lunch time at my job. Today was no different. My boys were talking about a certain girl that one of them has been out with. I don’t know the girl, but I picked up from the conversation that she isn’t exactly a prime catch. As one of them put it, “a girl like that will turn a man gay.” Definitely not the first time I have heard that joke made.

It made me think about those girls who happen to be the last female a guy dates before he comes out…or worse (for the girl) dating when he comes out. Because you know a lot of them get branded with the title of being “the one that turned Billy gay.”

And the ones with low self-esteem probably do feel like they were not woman enough to divert their former boyfriends from quiche, Calvin Klein, and big black dildos. Speaking of big black dildos, why is it so many guys are so particular about what races they will take on in the sack, but will jump on a big black dildo sooner than they would a city bus? But that’s off topic. Back to skanks that make you love cranks. (Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, don’t it?)

Now, back in the day, I was a fella who regulary fed the kitty. In fact, I used to see a lot more action with the ladies than I do now with the gents. And there was one girl I remember in particular. I can’t say that she made me turn gay, but she did introduce me to butt sex.

I don’t want to take the chance on somebody finding out her business, so for the sake of the story, I’ll just call her Jenny. I think we were in the tenth or eleventh grade when we were hanging out together. It was one of those high-chemistry situations. We were really into each other. Thinking back, had things been different, that might have been the girl I ended up marrying.

She was just a tiny thing, like maybe 5′-1″ or 5′-2″. I know I was at least a foot taller. And she had a hot little body with one of those perfect heart-shaped girl booties. A lot of guys wanted to get with her, but she picked me and that perfect bootie was mine to hit at will…eventually.

Like I said, we were very into each other…and we were fifteen or sixteen years old…so we were all about wanting to get our freak on. After weeks and weeks of begging her for sex (I was fifteen, give me a break….Hell, I will beg at 30 if I have to), she just wouldn’t so much as let me get a stinky finger. Don’t get me wrong. She wanted to get down, but she just wouldn’t let herself (or me) do it. She was a dirty girl underneath the skin, but deep down in her heart, her morals kept giving me a cock block. You see, it was important to her to that she remain a virgin until she was married.

Now, since we were in our mid-teens we were not about to get married unless we had to. And since she required that she be married before we could even do the kind of stuff that might result in you having to get married, we were stuck. I don’t know if her brain won over heart or if she just happened to get her hands on a particularly informative issue of Cosmo, but one day, as the union army was trying to work it’s way into the South for like the eleven hundreth time, she offered up a back road into Savannah.

By her definition, she was a virgin as long as nothing went into her vagina. That meant every other port of entry was up for grabs. The way she figured it, if I “did her in the butt,” she’d still be pure. Well, I thought about that for about as long as it took me to get my britches down (2.7 seconds) and answered her: “Okay.” Hell, I just wanted to put my dick in her. I probably would have taken an open bullet wound if she’d had one and offered.

Like any new business, dealing with the very first customer may not go quite as smoothly as you hope, and we had a bit of struggle getting the doors open. It was like a safe-cracker working the combination into the vault. Trying this, trying that…the beads of sweat building on the forehead in frustration. Then you hit something. Everything goes silent just for a second, then the tumblers turn and you hear the quiet whoosh of the vacuum seal being released. You’re in. You’re sooo in. And…it…is…heaven.

Lordy, it felt good. Let me tell you, the only thing better than the first time you have butt sex is the second, third, and hundredth-plus time you have butt sex.

Jenny and I kept seeing each other for quite some time, so she obviously isn’t what turned me gay. It would be seveal years before I would have anal sex with a guy. But she definitely provided a turning point and added a new item to my list of sexual options. I look at her as a sort of trainer, providing the practice field to get me ready for the big game.

And sure, her logic about staying pure was a little twisted. But, you think I was going to point that out to her? I may not be educated, but I’m not fucking stupid. Or should I say “not stupid about fucking.” Besides, I was just helping her out. For every time I tapped her ass, that was just one more time her virginity was spared. Hey, what can I say? I’m a good guy like that.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 11th, 2006 at 12:44 am and is filed under being tony, dating and sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.