LARGETONY Blog

Lemon Pepper Chicken with Baby Artichoke Hearts and Capers in Tomato-Basil Mushroom Cream Sauce.

Read that first line one more time. That’s not what’s pictured, but that is the actual name of a dish in a cookbook. Lemon Pepper Chicken with Baby Artichoke Hearts and Capers in Tomato-Basil Mushroom Cream Sauce. Well, isn’t that fancy?

It used to be that if a food had a fancy name, it was something like “Beef Wellington,” or “Eggs Benedict.” Name it after somebody and it was fancy. But now cookbooks and restaurants give food names like “Lemon Pepper Chicken with Baby Artichoke Hearts and Capers in Tomato-Basil Mushroom Cream Sauce” or “Red Pepper and Shimp Pasta with Ginger Sesame Dressing.” These are not names. They’re fucking grocery shopping lists.

And it’s just becuase people like to be fancy.

I’ve mentioned before that I like to cook. I’ve been cooking for myself and Granny for about seven years now. I’ve gotten pretty good at it, but I’m not good at creating a dish. I’m a recipe cook. I can follow instructions. So, RJ gave me a cookbook for Christmas and that is where I ran across Lemon Pepper Chicken with Baby Artichoke Hearts and Capers in Tomato-Basil Mushroom Cream Sauce.

I won’t be surprised if one day I open up a cookbook and see recipes for things like “Shaped Ingot of Ground Bovine Infused with Breadcrumbs” (Meatloaf) or “Pan Grilled Wheat Sheets Stuffed with Processed Milk Curd” (Grilled Cheese Sandwich). Can’t find a macaroni salad recipe? That’s because you’re not looking under ther correct title. Try “Chilled Pasta Miniatures with Celery in Whipped Egg-Oil Cream.”

I guess names like that can have their advantage. Say you want to welcome the new people next door to the neighborhood with a fancy dinner, but you don’t have the skills. It’s simple. Fire up the backyard grill and invite them over for “Flame-kissed Beef Rounds on Sesame Sweet Bread Topped with Tomato-Sugar Sauce and Vinegar Aged Cucumbers with a side of Corrogated Idaho Tuber Slivers.” I mean, when has a burger and chips sounded so impressive? I’m thinking this dinner definitely calls for Chinette.

Or if you’re someone who thinks cooking has to be complicated or someone who’s a little afraid of trying, this trend in naming dishes could be just what you’re looking for. You ask your partner what he /she wants for dinner and they say “Beef Wellington,” you might not know where to begin. But if they say “Lemon Pepper Chicken with Baby Artichoke Hearts and Capers in Tomato-Basil Mushroom Cream Sauce,” you at least know what to buy. And you don’t have to worry if you have food allergies. All the ingredients are right there in the name.

Twenty years ago, McDonald’s tried to pioneer this movement in naming food. We’ve all heard of “Two All Beef Patties with Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, and Onion, on a Sesame Seed Bun.” But life was still simple then. This was before we got so fancy, so they just settled on calling it a “Big Mac.”

If you think about it, maybe this new trend is actually better than the old school way of naming food. The old way of naming fancy type food could be misleading. Although I have never had it, I have a feeling that Steak Tartar has very little to do with a 10 oz ribeye and tartar sauce. That’s just not very fancy.

But I guess every thing has to change at some point. That’s what progress is all about. I guess I have to learn to go with the flow. So, I have decided to give a new name to my special oatmeal cookie recipe. “Oatmeal Cookies” is too plain. But “Medley of Dried Fruits and Pecans in Baked Medallions of Oats.” Well…that’s just fancy!

This entry was posted on Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 12:04 pm and is filed under humor, observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.