LARGETONY Blog

We’ve all heard the theory about big hands or big feet or big noses equaling a big cock. And we all know that’s all it is. A theory. Sure, it’s true for some…*Raising my big hand* …But all guys with big hands, feet, or noses, don’t all have big cocks. Now, I’m not so sure that the reverse of that is just a theory.

You see, I have found that while big hands don’t always equal big meat, big meat does usually equal big hands. What I am saying is that every guy I have ever known that is well hung, also had good-sized hands. (If not BIG, then long.) And I think there’s a reason for that: protection.

I think that as man evolved, nature made sure that we developed hands big enough to cover our meat and two veg. All other animals have penises that retract into the body. Think about it. Guys, if your dong is in danger, what is your first instict? Cover it with your hands. No matter what. Even if it is something that will completely destroy your hands, shatter every bone in them, you will still use your hands to shield your meat. If you are packin’ out your britches with some serious heft, you need some big ol’ mitts to protect it.

And why didn’t God gives us retractable peckers? Because he knew we would never put them away. So, why bother? It’s like if you had one of those entertainment centers that you can hide your TV and stereo away behind cabinet doors, but you use them so much that you never do…except maybe when company comes over. And even then you’re likely to just open it up and try to impress them with your components.

It only makes sense that there is some strong relationship between the hands and the cock. Because all you guys know that you can’t keep your hands off it (or somebody else’s.) God knew what he was doing there, too. That’s why he gave us opposable thumbs. So we could get a grip. He knew that’s how we’d like it. I mean, what if he had just given us padded paws? Think about the last time a dog shoved his paw in your crotch. How would you like to have that every time you went on a date with someone? (Going back to my original argument…what do you do when that paw comes toward you? That’s right…Protect with you hands.) And I don’t even want to think about if we had hooves.

There is not a man reading this right now who does not like to have his cock being touched. By anybody. Oh, sure, you may react negatively (on the surface) to someone who gives you an uninvited grope. But deep down, you know it gives you a charge (and maybe a rise) to have something other than your five familiar friends exploring the territory.

This is not to say that those old friends are ever unwelcomed. Let’s face it. Guys can not keep their own hands of their junk. I don’t know what it is. It’s not about us constantly trying to pleasure ourselves. It’s just that something in us will not allow us to not touch it.

Just yesterday afternoon I was laying on the bed reading book. Nothing steamy or erotic. Just your average novel. Then I happened to realize that I had my free hand up my shorts and holding on to my dick. Not stroking or squeezing or anything. Just holding it. Just paying a visit, I guess. When I realized what I was doing, I thought to myslef, “What are you doing?” But did that make me stop? Nah.

You see guys doing it all the time. Tugging, adjusting, cupping, re-aquainting ourselves. And nine times out of ten we are completely unawared of what we are doing. Sometimes, I’ll be driving down the road, one hand on the wheel, and the next thing I know , my other hand is on my package (outside the clothes).

This doesn’t happen to women. You don’t see women walking down the mall poking at their stuff. You never hear about the elementary school teacher having a parent conference over a little girl in class who constantly plays with her kitten. That’s because women don’t have that need to remind themselves that they are still down there. They know. (Maybe it’s becuase they get a monthly notice).

People often compare a vagina to a work of art. That’s all subjective, I guess. But it is sort of true in the sense that it is treated more like a work of art than a penis. That’s because women are more particular about who visits the exhibit. And they have up the velvet ropes and the “authorized personnel only” signs up. Women are a museum. Men are a damned petting zoo. They are Jonesing for somebody to handle their Johnsons.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 20th, 2006 at 5:50 am and is filed under observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.