LARGETONY Blog

Many of the responses to the question posed in my last post were really funny. I expected that because of the clever minds of the people who stop through here from time to time. But the funniest thing of all was a comment from Brett Cajun in which he did a small commerical for his own meat stick. (He won’t mind me giving him public grief for this. Besides, Brett is a big smack talker in his own right.) In the comment he admitted that he has named his dong. The name itself (”Slab”) is fitting, so it isn’t the commerical or the choice of names that cracked me up. It’s just that he named it, period.

I know a lot of guys name their dicks. It still makes me laugh every time I hear about it, though. I guess because it seems like to me that if you purposely give it a name, it’s like a whole other being separate from you. Now, you all know that I am all about my junk. I’m not going to deny it. But it’s not something just attached to and living off me like a tapeworm. It’s all me and a big part of me (pun intended).

If you go through all the trouble of giving your penis a name, who knows if you aren’t on the first step of a slippery slope to naming other things. That’s why I can’t give it a name. I don’t name any of my other limbs. So, why that one? On a side note, I wonder if guys who are into fisting ever name their forearms?

And what about all the hassles of having a name? Do you then have to register it, like you do a boat? Will it need a SS# so that it can apply for credit? What about a passport? (I guess that could make Customs checks kinda fun). Will it start expecting to see a gift under the tree with its name on it on Christmas morning?

I can’t even go with a variation on my own name. So you won’t be hearing me talk about Little Tony (little….yeah, right) or Tony, Jr. In fact that’s just asking for trouble. Next thing I know, Child Services will be on my doorstep investigating the reports of the nightly beatings Tony, Jr. has been getting.

And how do you really go about deciding on a name? Is there a book somewhere like expectant mothers have for baby names? Do you just go with something descriptive like Brett did with “Slab?” Do you pick a name based on what it can do (”The Intruder,” “The Punisher,” or “The Wriggler”) ? Or maybe you base it on it’s reliability (”Old Faithful” or “Recurring Dream”). How about a movie title: “Shaft” (He’s a bad mutha-shut yo mouth!); or “The Magnificent Seven”; or “The Color Purple” (for a guy who’s into cock pumps). What if you are royalty? If you are royal, then I would imagine your cock is, too, and would have a fancy name. Like “Sir Lancelot” or “Lord Beaverpoke” (obviously a straight guy).

Don’t get me wrong. There ain’t nothing wrong with a dude liking his cock enough to want to give it a name. Go for it. Just don’t expect me to keep a straight face when you introduce me to it. I have been asked several times if I have a name for mine. I even once started to do a contest on my website to name it, but I couldn’t go through with it. I did joke to Brett that “Slab” would be introduced to “Chunk”. But, I just don’t think I can seriously give mine a name and ever look it in its one eye again.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 13th, 2006 at 12:01 pm and is filed under observations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.