LARGETONY Blog

Curtis at Let Me tell You About It Sweetie published a post on his blog the other day about a bizarre dream he had where he, a couple of other bloggers, and I were traveling salesmen. In the dream, we each had a function as a part of the sales team. My function was to carry heavy boxes. At first I thought, “great, his subconscious sees me as a beast of burden.” I think that is the way a lot of people see me: someone to lift and carry heavy things for them. I do it for Granny. I do it at work. So, I guess his dream was not so far off. If I were one of Charlie’s Angels, there would be Sabrina, the smart one; Jill, the pretty one; and me, Antonia, the one who lifts heavy things. I shouldn’t be surprised. I am kind of a moose. And I’m actually stronger than I look.

To be honest, deep down, I guess I like that people see me as a big sturdy guy. Because I don’t think anyone ever thought I would be. Growing up, I was always the skinnier, weaker one between me and my brother. I was taller, but he had me beat in every other way. And my father, who thought I was too shy and too much of a momma’s boy, would constantly point out my brother’s superiority. To make sure that I had some scrap in me, and not be a complete embarressment to him, he would often force me and my brother into fights. My brother always won, but that was mostly because a) my brother liked to fight, and 2) he was a dirty fighter. But that doesn’t mean I was a pushover. My brother may have kicked my ass from time to time, but nobody else ever did.

It probably makes my father sound like a creep for doing things like that, but I think that in his own strange way he was trying to help prepare me for the world. Had circumstances not changed my course in life, I probably would have needed those kinds of skills more than I do in my present situation. And the results have been both good and bad, I suppose. It did help me build a confidence in my physical capabilities, which is the one area of my life where I have little doubt. I still have issues (although I’m getting better) about my physical appearance, but I don’t ever question how I can utilize my body. I just do it. So, you see, I’m programmed to lift heavy things.

And, believe it or not, I actually enjoy physical labor. I things like chopping wood, digging holes, hauling stuff. I’ll tote that barge. I’ll lift that bale. You know. Stuff that sort of makes you feel like a man. (Which I guess is what my father had in mind. Little did he know that doing things that make me feel like a man wouldn’t necessarily stop me from liking feeling up a man.)

Lately I have been giving very serious thought to making a job change and I can only see myself to continue with some sort of manual labor. (I’m sure that a lot of you probably don’t think my current job as a painter is very physical. But, believe me, it takes some strength to brace yourself on a ladder for long periods using just your legs, or to run a pressure washer/ sand blaster, or even just having your arms up in the air all day doing trim work.) It turns out I am having strong leanings toward trying to get a position with a company like UPS. I sort of like the idea of being able to work by myself, driving around all day. Even though it’s hard work, it seems like it would be pretty peaceful. A friend pointed out to me that UPS drivers never seem stressed out and are always in a good mood.

I haven’t made any definite steps in that direction, but maybe Curtis’s dream was sort of a sign. Why it came to him and not to me, I don’t know. But if it turns out I do “go brown,” I may be going door-to-door in real life. Sure, I wont be selling anything, but I’d definitely be lifting and carrying heavy things.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 16th, 2006 at 3:46 am and is filed under being tony. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.