You Say Sportato, I Say Sportahto
So the 2006 Winter Olympics started last night. (I think). Is it just me or does it seem like the Olympics isn’t that big a deal anymore? Yeah. I know that the winter games have never been as big as the summer ones. But even the Summer Olympics a couple of years ago in Greece didn’t seem to be as big as when I was a kid. Like in Los Angeles in 1984. I thought that maybe they got my attention more that year because they were in the United States and it seemed like something that belonged to us. But I didn’t have that same level of interest or feel that same sense of local pride ten years ago when the games were in Atlanta. Given that I could drive to Atlanta and back a couple of times within a 24 hour period, I should have been really feeling it. But, no.
I think the Olympics have lost some of its glory for a couple of reasons. First it’s the whole professional athlete thing. Somewhere along the line, the rules were relaxed and they were allowed to compete in some sports. And even those who can technically still call themselves amateurs are so loaded up with sponsorships they may as well be professionals. I mean, they may not be getting paid to play a game, but they ain’t driving a fork-lift all day either.
The other thing that may be dousing the Olympic flame (how’s that for contrived symbolism?) is the fact that there’s nothing special about seeing sports on TV at all hours of the day anymore. Back in ‘84 about all that was going around the clock ith sports was ESPN…and I’m not even sure they were doing 24 hours of programming then (and half of it was aerobics shows). So, things like the World Series, Superbowl, and Olympics were huge deals. Now there’s ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic (in case you missed that certain horse-jumping event 27 years ago), FoxSports, CSS, and all kinds of Pay per view…not to mention all the non-cable networks airing anything to do with a ball except porno. We can get any kind of sports we want any time of day on any number of channels, so two weeks of brotherhood through athletics just isn’t that special anymore. And how much brotherhood is there anymore, anyway?
Now, you all know I love sports. So you’d think I’d be glued to the TV during all of this. But I have to admit something about myself. I’m a bit narrow-minded when it comes to sports. Narrow-minded about what can really be called a sport. Typically anything that requires athletic ability is called a sport. That’s not enough for me. I’ve mentioned before that things like figure-skating are, in my opinion an art and not a sport. Yes, it takes great athletic skill, but if you’re wearing a costume (Halloween excluded), it falls in the art column. I mean you don’t see Peyton Manning dropping back to fire one off to Edggerin James, dressed as Zorro.
My thought process on this whole thing actually started with the theory that to be a sport, it had to involve a ball. But I realized that was not a valid idea when things like bowling and golf, came into the mix. Besides the fact that I think anything you can do wearing slacks and a polo shirt is a recreation rather than a sport, the real defining element here is that in golf and bowling, everyone has their own ball. In sports, competitors all come in contact with the same ball.
Another thing that makes the ball theory invalid is that there a few (very few) actual real sports that don’t onvolve balls. For example, wrestling. Not the kind with costumes and sequins (wow, there goes my art theory), the olympic kind. It doesn’t take balls (unless you count guts and testicles) but it is definitely a sport. Why? Because the wrestlers are actively trying to stop each other.
That’s the real distinction for me between sports and athletics. In football, you are trying to move a ball across a goal line, and there are gigantic guys getting in your way and actively blocking you or trying to take the ball from you. And the way they are trying to do it (as well as the way that you are trying to move the ball) is changing from moment to moment. You’re constantly trying to figure out what they are doing and making adjustments. You are trying to achieve something and someone is actively trying to stop you. That’s a sport.Now take swimming. Not a sport. Competitive swimming is tough, no doubt. And it takes a great deal of conditioning and athletic ability. But ultimately, it’s not a sport. Someone is trying to beat someone to the finish line but no one is actively trying to stop you from getting there. They just want to get there first. So, it’s not a sport, it’s a race. Swimming is pretty much horse-racing without the champange. Nascar without the Budweiser. But, I have to admit, way more easy on the eyes.
At least in horse-racing and Nascar, your opponents might try to cut you off. But in swimming you have to stay in your own lane. Now, if your opponents could manipulate the water in your lane and make you swim against varying currents, or if they could hurl objects in your path, or even yank at your banana hammock, then I might be willing to call swimming a sport. Definitely more fun to watch. But the way swimming works, it’s pretty much who’s fastest and/or who has the most endurance.
But I have to say that the most non-sport sport of all is hunting. How can it be a sport when your opponent (what you are trying to kill) doesn’t have the ability to do anything but run from you. I guess it can qualify as a race of sorts. The animal is racing for it’s life. But shouldn’t the prey have the opportunity to be the hunter at some point in the game. Hunter’s even cheat with things like duck calls and by spraying themselves with phermones to attract the animals. Until woodland creatures get to smear themsleves with biscuits and gravy to lure the hunters into the sites of their Remingtons, it’s just not fair. And it’s not a sport.
I have no idea where I’m going with any of this. Just telling you my view on things, I guess. Many of you will not agree with my conclusions and I’m not trying to get you to agree. Don’t try to make me watch figure skating and I won’t try to convince you it’s not a sport….but it isn’t.
February 13th, 2006 at 6:58 am
Yes, the Olympics are less interesting, objectively very true…
Maybe it’s because sport is no longer quite the war substitute it was…
Is it because the Berlin wall fell (a good thing?) and we no longer have the two huge continental powers, the USA and the USSR (and maybe China as the third axis,) both drawing on huge populations, both producing real sporting excellence (drug-tests and child-abuse nothwithstanding,) on fairly equal competetive terms? Weren’t we all, regardless of nationality, aligned with one side or the other? Wasn’t the greater underlying rivalry more compelling, more competitive, more ’sporting’?
“Na, na, na!” we could say “Russia, you may be able to blast Europe to a nuclear wasteland at a moments notice but yer crap at dancing around in a leotard waving a ribbon!”
Is it as much fun to watch the US thrash Belgium?
It’s all a shame because the Olympics is one of the very few sporting arenas where the US competes internationally as a team (most American team-sports being historically almost exclusively US domestic interests,) Who do they play with now?
Ice dance? Soporific. But I do remember when morose Ludmilla Winthisorweshootyourfamilyvitz competing against perky Tammy IfIdon’twinI’llscreamuntilI’msicky’all was high drama indeed.
Imagine if Iran fielded a credible figure-skating team…?
I’d watch.
February 13th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Actually I believe that the way the Olympics are boradcast in the US has changed the face of the events. The US media only concentrates on which US Teammate won and not on other countries. They also do all this extra media coverage which has absolutely nothing to do with what is happeneing at what event. I will be in Canada Thursday and we be happy to hopefully see real coverage of the games.
Oh, and I have always supported “the Right to Arm Bears”.
February 13th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
Nice post. Very nice indeed. Spart . . . I like that.
February 13th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Years ago, it was decided that professionals could compete in the Olympics. That took the shine off of them for me. I used to enjoy seeing USA thrash the stuffing out of allegedly amateur countries, such as happened when the US beat Russia in hocky for the gold in Lake Placid. I still like to watch, though. This year I am captivated by the snow boarding.
I think “sport” has become an over used catch-all for all athletics. I don’t particularly like it either.
As for competitive swimming, I suggest you watch water polo (summer olympics), there you have big guys trying to swim towards a goal with a ball, while the other team tries to stop them, and this may result in the loss of some speedos.
Now there’s a sport for ya.
February 13th, 2006 at 11:03 pm
I’m still a big Olympics fan–but I do wish I could get the CBC coverage instead of this dreck that NBC is broadcasting. Thank God for TiVo!
And I’m going to have to beg to differ with you on the question of Peyton Manning’s wearing a costume when he fires off a pass. I think NFL uniforms qualify as costumes–they’ve been prominently featured in more than one porno flick, I’m sure.
February 14th, 2006 at 2:40 am
I am soooo totally glued to the Olympics… and you know, I have to say that that is a bit closeminded to think that sports MUST include a ball with only a few exceptions :). And I like to think that every sport involves a sense of art … movement, flow, patterns, etc… although some require a bit more brain power and problematic thinking than a bunch of grunting brutes carrying a ball across a line
Love you anyway!! 
March 22nd, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Too many professional athletes, who often aren’t necessarily as good as the amateurs, and I definitely agree with TonkaManOR that the coverage focuses too much on the Americans - even when there are in last place. There was that one year where one of the networks had 3 cable channels and you could flip back and forth seeing whatever you wanted and coverage seemed very broad.
As for what is a sport and what isn’t… you’re pretty tough. You’d give up diving? For the love of god, think of the children!