Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie
The huge popularity of low-rider jeans has given birth to low rider underwear. It used to be that that sagger jeans were the rage, and you wanted your underwear to show. But funky Marky Mark has become serious actor Mark Wahlberg and the funky display of elastic waist bands is becoming a serious appearance of going commando. But a lot of people don’t like to actually go commando, so the answer is low rider underwear.
The root of all this is the “V.” You know, those definition lines between the hips and thighs that men are killing (some literally) themselves for. Some people call them “Adonis lines.” Naturally it got that name because the “V” is a symbol of physical beauty and perfection, and Adonis…well, you know. It’s like the “V” is some great new invention. But there have always been guys who have them. It used to be that if you had the “V,” people would look at you with pity and think “Oh, he’s so skinny. Let me fix him a sandwich.” Then, not many years ago, some photographer somewhere threw some glamore lighting on some model’s perfectly tanned “V,” sprayed it with some fake beads of sweat, and called it great. Next thing you know, it was like the IPod, everybody had to have one. (Here’s a secret. I think they spray the IPod with fake sweat, too. Fake sweat will sell anything. Look at ZIMA.)
Once you got one of you own, you had to let people know it. What good was having the “V” if people couldn’t see that you have the “V”?? People must see the “V”! Okay, I’ll admit that I like seeing the “V.” I do think its hot. And I admit to sometimes letting my somewhat defined “V” show. But that’s more a product of the fact that I have no hips and certain styles of jeans just slide down on me. The fact that it flashes a little “V” is bonus.
So, now it’s becoming unfashionable again to let your underwear show, so rather than everyone pulling up their pants and tightening their belts, designers are lowering the tops of briefs. No more showing your underwear….Although sort of the opposite is happening with women, where the big thing is to let the straps of your thong show. Yes, a lady would not want you to think she is so trashy that she would not wear underwear. (Just ignore the fact that her pants are half way down her ass and has “Juicy” written across the butt.) If this thong thing ever becomes popular with guys, it ain’t happening with me. Hell, I’d just take a sharpie marker and draw a line around my waist and into the crack of my ass like women did with stockings during World War II before I’d wear a thong.
But, at least a thong has some forward storage. Not like these low rider man panties. I mean look at it (scroll back up.) It’s like the glove box of a Miata. There’s no place to put anything. And I don’t want to imagine what the back must look like. It must show 3 inches of crack. Bend over and people will mistake you for an ATM slot. Seriously. Look at it again. (Go ahead. Do it!) How many of you out there can actually get your stuff in there… and keep it there? How itsy bitsy teeny weenie does your weenie have to be? Wear something like this and every ten minutes its going to be “Escape from Alcatraz.”…Over the wall…tunneling under…a constant riot in your pants.
August 30th, 2005 at 12:43 pm
Sweetheart, you’d burst those shorts wide open!
August 30th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
Holy shit, I couldn’t stop laughing. I could never be caught dead in underwear like that. Leave me to my Boxers and boxerbriefs.
Although I remember that the “V” used to be called “David’s” also,…. as in the statue of perfection Michaelangelo’s David.?! Anyway, my junk wouldn’t fit in there and I’d probably be adjusting all day if I had to wear those manties.
It is sexier when there is a little mystery to what a man’s carrying around anyway.
August 30th, 2005 at 5:58 pm
No way in Hell, could I wear those or would for that matter. Heck, would barely get my nuts into them. I don’t find them flattering at all. You’d have to get a bikini wax like a chic just to pull them off too. I’m sure that a bush of pubic hair going out the top and sides wouldn’t be very flattering along with, people thinking you have a small willy just to even wear them. I think these are more or less for guys that have a small waist or hips. Like Swimmers. Does this mean that slim & thin guys are in fashion
August 30th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
“Bend over and people will mistake you for an ATM slot.”
What if there’s nothing in the bank?
You’re too funny.
August 30th, 2005 at 8:26 pm
I actually think the whole thing with thongs showing is a bit passe now. Personally I would rather look like I’m going commando, and show off my creamy white flesh than show off a thong (and I hate them anyhow). Either that or where the girl version of the above displayed (hilarious) underwear. Low cut hot pants all the way for this girl!
August 30th, 2005 at 8:58 pm
Not only is that “low rider” underwear WAY too small, I think an inch or so of the waistband of your underwear showing is dead sexy. I’ll see the “V” (for “victory”) after I pull your jeans down. :p
August 30th, 2005 at 10:13 pm
Shaving required, no doubt.
August 30th, 2005 at 10:33 pm
I can’t wear low riders. My ghetto-booty makes it look like I’m wearing my little brother’s pants. So, I show my “V” on the dance floor by free-balling and leaving the top unbuttoned. ;^)
August 30th, 2005 at 10:49 pm
….also, this photo reminds me of a new brand of underwear called “ginch-gonch”. I think they are going for an under-roos thing. The corporate photos must have used the Ken Doll as a model. Very emasculated. Takes “androgony” to a whole creapy petophile level.
Look at the pics;
http://www.ginchgonch.com
August 31st, 2005 at 12:20 am
And what’s up with the underwear posts lately? Having a fetish?
Oh wait, I just had a visual. Now I need to “go take care of something”. ;^)
August 31st, 2005 at 9:19 am
Um. . my “V” is more of a “U” right now anyway, but I still wouldn’t, couldn’t wear that. Hell I don’t even wear briefs. I’m a boxer man all the way. Just don’t like confinement down there.
September 1st, 2005 at 4:23 pm
It’s fashion. Just like a woman’s high heels, if you want to be in style, you have to prove your worth and suffer a little.
September 3rd, 2005 at 2:29 am
I have that exact pair of underwear and I LOVE THEM! Love your site, too!
November 28th, 2005 at 6:30 pm
hope u read this
dressing is an art so those low rider jeans have to be wore with those low rider undie coz low rider show two boy part the front side [ the "V" thingy] and the butt u have toshoe little ofthe crack i donot know in the states but here in europe it is abig thing
December 28th, 2005 at 4:52 pm
i always free-ball so it makes no difference to me
February 13th, 2006 at 5:52 pm
I don’t see why we don’t just make like SO many of those chicas out there and just dress like this even with our scary-white, happy-trail-infested Gut hangin all over. Ideally, no one could even see the skivvies without knee-bending down there to get the right angle. If she can do that, and get back up, without losing her lunch or running short of breath, got yerself a keeper there.