Comments on: Travis’ Retreat http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/ The Ramblings and 'Ritings of a Big-Dicked Country Boy Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:52:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: Andrew http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1965 Andrew Mon, 03 Oct 2005 00:36:52 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1965 It may be harder to come out in a rural area, I don't know because I haven't lived in one. However, my feeling about Travis is to not push him. This seems counterintuitive because you are both gay. But I had an experience almost ten years ago where a 32 year old co-worker here in LA told me about his own homosexuality and then later was angry at me because he let it out. Travis has to work it out himself, which it sounds like he is doing gradually. It takes a long time to accept yourself as something you've been taught to hate and fear your whole life prior to realizing that you were indeed the object you feared the most. It may be harder to come out in a rural area, I don’t know because I haven’t lived in one. However, my feeling about Travis is to not push him. This seems counterintuitive because you are both gay. But I had an experience almost ten years ago where a 32 year old co-worker here in LA told me about his own homosexuality and then later was angry at me because he let it out. Travis has to work it out himself, which it sounds like he is doing gradually. It takes a long time to accept yourself as something you’ve been taught to hate and fear your whole life prior to realizing that you were indeed the object you feared the most.

]]> By: Michlt http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1509 Michlt Thu, 25 Aug 2005 05:23:20 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1509 I admired the fact that you did not tell him in the first place, but rather let it be about him and what he had to say. He is apparently in turmoil, denial, fear and is perhaps feeling a bit self-loathing. The beer just let him numb all that and be real for a moment. He does not need you to be gay for him. There were significant periods in my life where I did not want to be gay and had no desire to hear from guys who were. The thought of them was more threatening than supportive. I out grew that. But anyone going through the process will do it at their own pace, or not at all. He might even turn a considerable amount of hate on you if you told him. However, if you are just a guy, just the decent guy you are, and you demonstrate that you don't hate or despise him even though he told you that, then it will be the strongest argument you can make to him that he should not hate or despise himself. That alone is probably the biggest favor you can possibly give him. If he is lucky, he will find close friends to help him with the rest of it. I admired the fact that you did not tell him in the first place, but rather let it be about him and what he had to say. He is apparently in turmoil, denial, fear and is perhaps feeling a bit self-loathing. The beer just let him numb all that and be real for a moment. He does not need you to be gay for him. There were significant periods in my life where I did not want to be gay and had no desire to hear from guys who were. The thought of them was more threatening than supportive. I out grew that. But anyone going through the process will do it at their own pace, or not at all.

He might even turn a considerable amount of hate on you if you told him. However, if you are just a guy, just the decent guy you are, and you demonstrate that you don’t hate or despise him even though he told you that, then it will be the strongest argument you can make to him that he should not hate or despise himself. That alone is probably the biggest favor you can possibly give him. If he is lucky, he will find close friends to help him with the rest of it.

]]> By: seymour http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1506 seymour Tue, 23 Aug 2005 04:05:14 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1506 come out of the closet tony, make some room for the young ones behind you. surely, wiith your own merchandise line called "large tony" you have the balls. come out of the closet tony, make some room for the young ones behind you. surely, wiith your own merchandise line called “large tony” you have the balls.

]]> By: Jay http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1503 Jay Mon, 22 Aug 2005 04:51:13 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1503 tony, let him come back to you in his own time. He's 21 and sounds immature for something like this if he's already denying what happened. (I mean, alcohol only releases inhibitions. It doesn't make you lie.) Don't press the issue, but just be a friend in other ways and he'll come back around when he's ready to fully accept the way he is. He's still uncomfortable with it and pushing him isn't going to help him deal with it any better right now. Don't tell him you're gay. It really won't help matters much if he is battling with himself over HIS personal struggle. I know you want to help him and you have such a big heart, but it's probably not the best idea at this time. tony, let him come back to you in his own time. He’s 21 and sounds immature for something like this if he’s already denying what happened. (I mean, alcohol only releases inhibitions. It doesn’t make you lie.) Don’t press the issue, but just be a friend in other ways and he’ll come back around when he’s ready to fully accept the way he is. He’s still uncomfortable with it and pushing him isn’t going to help him deal with it any better right now. Don’t tell him you’re gay. It really won’t help matters much if he is battling with himself over HIS personal struggle. I know you want to help him and you have such a big heart, but it’s probably not the best idea at this time.

]]> By: d http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1498 d Sat, 20 Aug 2005 03:34:23 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1498 i agree - let him go in his own time, esp. with him living at home still, etc. etc. sounds like it'll be a good couple seasons or years (at least) before he's more OUT vs. confessing sexual confusion... meanwhile, when are you going on a date? or even a fun trip?! i agree - let him go in his own time, esp. with him living at home still, etc. etc. sounds like it’ll be a good couple seasons or years (at least) before he’s more OUT vs. confessing sexual confusion…

meanwhile, when are you going on a date? or even a fun trip?!

]]> By: thedeliveryguy http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1492 thedeliveryguy Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:45:53 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1492 Everybody said it already. Mark said it best. Everybody said it already. Mark said it best.

]]> By: Mark http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1491 Mark Fri, 19 Aug 2005 15:26:23 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1491 Tony, just be his friend. Keep going out for drinks. Act as if nothing's different. When he's ready, he'll talk about it again, and then if you want, you can share with him your situation. Tony, just be his friend. Keep going out for drinks. Act as if nothing’s different. When he’s ready, he’ll talk about it again, and then if you want, you can share with him your situation.

]]> By: renovatorbear http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1490 renovatorbear Fri, 19 Aug 2005 13:02:40 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1490 he'll be back, tony. he’ll be back, tony.

]]> By: Melissa http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1489 Melissa Fri, 19 Aug 2005 12:54:56 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1489 I am going to agree with the previous comments, Tony. Let him think it over and come to you if and when he decides to. Seeking him out to tell him you are gay doesn't seem like a very good plan. Especially if it was just the beer talking. You don't know him very well..he could be the type to turn things around and make you shine in a very bad light at work. (by this I mean he could say you were sexually harrassing him) He didn't need any invitation before to tell you his business, he won't need one again should he decide to confide in you some more. I am going to agree with the previous comments, Tony. Let him think it over and come to you if and when he decides to. Seeking him out to tell him you are gay doesn’t seem like a very good plan. Especially if it was just the beer talking. You don’t know him very well..he could be the type to turn things around and make you shine in a very bad light at work. (by this I mean he could say you were sexually harrassing him) He didn’t need any invitation before to tell you his business, he won’t need one again should he decide to confide in you some more.

]]> By: John http://blog.largetony.com/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1488 John Fri, 19 Aug 2005 12:09:35 +0000 http://largetony.com/tonyblog/2005/08/18/travis-retreat/#comment-1488 Tony, do yourself a big favor - DO NOT DO ANYTHING, and most of all do not try and pull him out or tell him about you. This is not the way to go about it, you should not persue this any longer. I think it's going to bite you in the ass if you do. You need to realize the consequences if you get this ( KID ) pissed off he can turn on you and make your life miserable at work and away. He can tell your crew members that you came on to him and regardless if your out to other crew memebers or not I just smell Disaster in the Air if you try and speak to him about his little situatuion. I know your going to do what you think is best, but think of yourself first and how this can back fire in your face. Not to mention the reaction you will get from the crew if he goes and tells everyone that your gay and tried to seduce him while you were both drinking. Bottom line is leave this alone, I think your going to stir one hell of a hornets nest up if you do. I'm just trying to save you the grief and bullshit one has to indure when one tries to help out a fellow bud stepping out for the first time. Take it from an old pro say nothing, and do nothing. John Tony, do yourself a big favor - DO NOT DO ANYTHING, and most of all do not try and pull him out or tell him about you. This is not the way to go about it, you should not persue this any longer. I think it’s going to bite you in the ass if you do. You need to realize the consequences if you get this ( KID ) pissed off he can turn on you and make your life miserable at work and away. He can tell your crew members that you came on to him and regardless if your out to other crew memebers or not I just smell Disaster in the Air if you try and speak to him about his little situatuion. I know your going to do what you think is best, but think of yourself first and how this can back fire in your face. Not to mention the reaction you will get from the crew if he goes and tells everyone that your gay and tried to seduce him while you were both drinking. Bottom line is leave this alone, I think your going to stir one hell of a hornets nest up if you do. I’m just trying to save you the grief and bullshit one has to indure when one tries to help out a fellow bud stepping out for the first time. Take it from an old pro say nothing, and do nothing.

John

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