It Couldn’t Happen To A Nicer Guy
Something happened at work yesterday that sort of caught me off guard and I was going to put it down on paper…er, screen, this evening. But then something else happened at work today today that changes everything. Yesterday will have to go on the back burner.
Over the last several months a few new guys have been taken on. This is basically because of an increase in contracts. The crew is generally divided up into various teams and the teams are sent out on different jobs. Teams can be as small as two guys, or as large as five or six. And some jobs may require more than one team. There are guys on the crew who are designated team leaders. We may work with different team leaders, but the same guys are always leaders. And with more crew, there are more teams. More teams mean more team leaders.
When you are the team leader, you basically oversee the job, or a portion of the job. You’re responsible for the efficiency and quality of work for the team. You also make more money. At the end of the day today, we found out that somebody is getting bumped up to a team leader position starting on Monday.
I have worked for this contractor for over five years. I have the greatest seniority of the non team-leaders. I’m hard-working, my co-workers (excluding one) all like me, and I do good work. So, it’s my turn. That’s what you would think. But that would be the story-book ending. The reality is that I stood there and watched myself get skipped over for a guy who has been with us less than six months. If it is possible to feel shock, frustration, rage, and embarrassment all at one time, then I’m the poster boy for poly-emotional disorder.
What really put the kick in the blow to my nutsack is that the new team leader also happens to be the one guy on the crew who doesn’t like me. And to say simply that he doesn’t like me is an understatement. From almost the moment we met he has had something against me. To this day I have no idea what it is, nor does anyone else who works with us. I try to ignore it and be the good guy, cause I don’t want to be the asshole that he is. But there are times I’ve really had to hold back when he makes his suggestions and “jokes” (read: putdowns). I know that one day he is going to push me too far…and now I’m going to be working under him.
When the announcement was made nobody said much. I’m not sure of everone’s reactions because I was too embarrassed to look any one in the eye. I mean , to be skipped for someone who’s barely gotten his feet wet?? But it was awfully quiet. No claps on the back for the new guy. No one really cares for him. As everyone left for home, some of the guys gave me a quiet “that sucks” or “thats messed up” as they passed me. I went to my truck and sat there a while trying to figure it out. What did I do? How did this happen? Okay, so it’s not me. But WHY HIM?
So I went to talk to the contractor. He saw me and said, “Do we have to do this now?”
“Yeah. If you want me to come back on Monday.”
So, we sat down to talk. He went on to explain that I need to look at the whole team, and that he has me where I can best serve the crew. Primarily, I do trim and detail work (and often work alone because of it). He says it would be a waste of my skills to be an overseer. He says he knows I’ve been a good employee for a long time and that I deserve some reward for that, but team leader isn’t the right thing for me. I asked him how he expected the guy he picked to lead a crew when no one can stand him. His simple response, “You don’t always have to like your boss.” He also explained that he hired this guy away from another contractor with the promise of a good position because he is good.
True statement. As much as I don’t like the other guy, he is good at what he does. But I don’t know that he would get much respect or cooperation out of the crew.
“But I’m good, too. And they like me,” I said.
He agreed. Then he added that was a deciding factor. “Nice guys make better buddies than bosses.”
How profound. Maybe I should have Granny do that up in cross stitch.
I’m still angry. I’m still shocked. I’m still frustrated. I’m still embarrassed….I’m also still nice. It’s just my nature. It’s who I am. Being who I am may not get me ahead. But just because I’m nice doesn’t mean I have to accept a kick in the teeth, either. What am I going to do? I don’t know. I just can’t sit here crying into my beer blog. Maybe I need to check the employment section of Sunday’s paper.
July 9th, 2005 at 3:07 am
Aww that sucks Tony. I’m really sorry to hear it.
Truth is, we can all give you advice but when it comes down to it, it has to be a decision that works for you. Are you at a place where you can pick up and leave? Are there similar jobs available? Looking around and exploring your options wouldn’t hurt. Who knows, this may be a push in a different direction for good reason.
Either way, I wish you the best.
July 9th, 2005 at 4:29 am
That’s got to be tough bud… I know it must really suck for you. In a weird sort of way, he is right though… sometimes when you elevate a buddy to the position of a boss, people may not take you seriously as a boss when they’re your buddies… and there’s a whole lot more responsibility and liability when you become a boss, which does make the friendships change .. and I’m not really sure you would want that to happen.
July 9th, 2005 at 7:16 am
You know, having been in a similar situation before on my old job, I waited it out to see how it would pan out. Then it got hostile in record time, my boss yelled at me in a private meeting and I decided that I had to leave because it wasn’t worth all this and I wasn’t created to take crap off of people. Especially at a place of employment. So, I would say stay there but look for other places of employment. See how it turns out with this guy as the new team leader. Is this an ongoing contract or is he going to be a team leader for a little while and then get pushed back to regular painter once the contract is up? If it gets bad, leave. If you get a better offer before then, I would say leave. You got passed up. Funny thing is, I got promoted to director of my department, up from a junior position where I was chummy with everyone, and I separated Boss Jay from Coworker Jay and work got done. Even though you don’t have to like your boss, a well-liked boss (not a pushover) is better at getting top performance than a powerfully disliked one. Morale will decrease and only the bare minimum will be achieved with hated bosses. Besides, your buddies wouldn’t have been as “buddy buddy” with you as their boss anyway. After work, maybe, but not at work.
July 9th, 2005 at 7:18 am
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. {{{HUG}}} Hang in there. I’ll say a prayer for ya! {{{HUG}}}
July 9th, 2005 at 11:02 am
I understand your frustration. But it sounds like you are a guy who helps to keep the team together. Any time that I’ve been a part of a team and provided a buffer between everyone the dynamic drastically changed when I was in a position to direct people under me. Things quickly went downhill and my friendships with co-workers hit the skids. I hope that things will unfold for you in a way you can’t see right now. It’s ok to be pissed, I would. I think you also have enough self esteem to not let this eat at you.
k
July 9th, 2005 at 12:37 pm
I’ve been through the same thing a time or two… it’s frustrating but perhaps for the best in the end (I know… lame cop out). Just keep your incredibly goodlooking chin up (you’re totally hot in that pic with the grey tanktop by the way) and just keep saying to yourself, “I’m better than this bullshit”.
July 9th, 2005 at 1:08 pm
You got skills. You got resume? Dust it off and move on. Your boss’s opinion of you will not change. Do decide first what your goal is. Do you want to supervise people, or produce a product? Take the high road on being nice vs. being mean. A manager who is mean and nasty, may get some things done, but in the long run, is that the way you want to be? Or where you want to be. I have seen it in my own style. When I am balancing being tough and kind, I get the best results. That is being fair. People respond to it better. Before you close that door, make sure another one is open. Sorry for the profound/overused words. I live in California, unemployment is not funny.
July 9th, 2005 at 9:10 pm
You poor guy. I’m so sorry. Hopefully there will be a huge job opening in the paper tomorrow that you will love and get. The boss man didn’t give you a very good explanation of why you were passed up…
July 9th, 2005 at 10:05 pm
would somebody please give this guy a gig as a radio commentator or a print journalist? He’s wasting his time painting houses. His posts are way better than most of the crap I wade through in the US media. I know he has a big dick but try and see past that. He could be a great writer with the right editor.
July 9th, 2005 at 10:52 pm
So, do you think this contractor could ever see promoting you to a leader if and when the opportunity arises next? If the answer is no, I would ask him what you could do to help him change his mind and see you as a leader, and I would look elsewhere at the same time. Sounds to me that he would like to keep you pidgeon-holed where you are since you are doing a great job. Just remember that things inevitably change in life, for the worse and for the better. Hang in there.
July 9th, 2005 at 10:54 pm
Well, we do see past his inches ! Otherwise we wouldn’t reply to his comments, but keep staring at his pics…
Tony I’m sorry for you, but you’re a tough guy, really smart, I know you’ll work it out anyway…
hugs
July 10th, 2005 at 7:50 am
Tony, you certainly have the choice to find other employment. Keep that in your back pocket.
I’ve been throught the ringer a number of times during my long career. Today, I’m 51 yrs old and retired. I have learned these things …
… all things happen for a reason
… people create their own destiny
… the Peter Principle has a way of working things out in the end
… when I take the high road, good things happen
… if he abuses you at work, tell him to bend over and take your Big Cock right up the chute
I hope this helps clear up your situation.
July 10th, 2005 at 7:56 am
I agree with Sue. Things do change both for the good and for the bad. I’m a believer in the “everything happens for a reason” cliche. You may not know what it is today or tomorrow, but you will. Maybe you had to be passed up this time, so something better could come along. Maybe this guy will get no respect and he’ll leave. It hurts when it first happens, but keep doing your job, enjoy being outside, and take it in stride. You’re about to come into something WAY better. I just know it. =)
July 10th, 2005 at 9:19 am
Well Tony life is about putting up with shit, plain and simple. However, I bet you have a bigger cock than your boss and the guy that guy who was promoted so there is some justice! Keep your chin up, smile when you see these two and underneath your beath say, Fuck You.
July 10th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
I know exactly what you’re going through. I just went through it two weeks ago. I’m next in line to get a promotion (or so I though), and when one of our guys left and vacated a position, I (and everyone else) though I was a done deal. Well, turns out it went to a girl who has only been there a month. A lot of us were shocked, and I had the same kind of reaction you did. I guess my next step is to wait a bit longer, because my boss did say he was trying to get a postion for me, but if it doesn’t happen by the fall, I’m putting myself back on the market.
I know I can’t really give you any advice, but I can definitely sympathize.
July 10th, 2005 at 5:04 pm
Boss should have told you in advance, instead of telling you “do we have to do this now”, that tells me something about his character, and being gutless…and he was trying to put some guilt trip on you…what a class act this boss of yours is….bide your time, and don’t burn any bridges…till you find something/someone who treats you like a human being.
July 10th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
It’s not true. I’ve been a boss on and off for 20 years, I’m nice, and I get on with my workers. It’s true that you don’t have to be friends with all your staff to be a good boss, but it helps if you have a bit of empathy with them.
I don’t know how the American labour system works - but if it is was here in Australia, I would be doing 2 things. One I would be saying to my boss - give me training so I can get my supervisory skills improved so that next time there is an opening - I’m up for it. And secondly, I would be talking to my union about a non-competitive selection process, and saying that I wasn’t given the option of actively seeking the position.
If none of these options are available - I think you do the obvious. As your employer is not showing you any loyalty - why should you show any to him. I’d start looking for a new position.
July 11th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
I’ve been passed up for promotions before, and it bites!
So sorry to hear that happened to you!!!
I’ve also gotten a promotion I was trying for and found being a supervisor more trouble, headaches, and hard work than it was worth.
Plus, it’s not fun when you’re the one responsible when other people screw up.
Also there’s this: No matter how nice and accomodating they are, everyone hates the boss. Maybe not much, mind you, but simply because they are an authority figure and someone they have to answer to, there is bound to be some animosity there, even if only a little.
Plus, instead of the easy comraderie you and your fellow workers probably share, it would be “Uh oh! Look busy! Here comes Tony!” Do you really want that?
Well, maybe so, but I didn’t like it much. Instead of being “good ol’ Jimmy” I was one of THEM, and everything changed.
Not to belittle your pain and anguish, but maybe it’s for the best.
Your buddy,
Jimmy
July 11th, 2005 at 3:08 pm
Tony:
First, I have to come clean. I admit that I’ve been stopping in here for the inches. Who knew I’d be sticking around for the quality and less so for the quantity?
As much as I don’t like saying this, your boss (the big boss) may have a point. Nice guys that are well liked by others are often passed by when it’s time to choose a new person to oversee things. That’s actually a pretty typical scenario, is it not? Perhaps the big boss is more comfortable selecting someone that he can comfortably yell at and kick around when necessary (if he paid a lot to get this guy, he probably feels that part of the deal is that he gets to ride his ass to meet new goals). And you admit that your own work (good as it may be) tends to keep you off on your own. Perhaps you’ve ended up there because that’s exactly where you fit best.
It sounds like you wanted the promotion because you felt it was due you. But was it really what you wanted? Really?? Are you really the kind of person that wants to deal with all the isues and problems and personalies of a large group of people? I’ll tell you, it can suck and it can take away any enjoyment you have in your work.
Maybe this will help shed some light on other ideas you have kicking around in that lovely noggin of yours. Perhaps you’ll even find that being off on your own doing your detail/finishing work affords you the extra time to expand your creative process and your other “on the side” projects. You’re obviously interested in marketing yourself–your images; your writing. I bet you can end up earning as much or more following up on your own projects than you would have as the new head honcho at work.
BTW…you think the new guy doesn’t like you? Well, don’t let him get away with that. Someone (maybe the big boss) may have suggested to him that you would have expected to be the next in line for a promotion. So his opinion of you may be jaded based on info he was given. Or maybe he just sensed it after watching you work and interact with the others. Whatever…be cool and cooperative. If you’re good at what you do, he’ll rather have you on board than not. It’ll make his life as a new boss easier.
Sorry for rambling. I just feel I owe you. LOL…
beafybear@yahoo.com
July 11th, 2005 at 7:27 pm
Well, on the one hand, I kind of understand where the manager is coming from. BUT, it was definitly shitty of him not to explain his logic to you BEFORE hand. I never understood why managers will behave like that. Instead of preventing tension and akwardness by talking and explaining where he’s coming from before the meeting, they’ll wait and make the situation bad. He obviously knew you, and the rest of the crew, weren’t going to like the decission by the fact he said “Do we have to do this now?”. He could have defused the situation in advance.
And I’ve been there. I was once passed over for a promotion (to a different department), given to girl with no seniority/experience. When I asked, I was told, “You’re really good at what you do. So we need you where you are.” I guess my being a good emplyee was holding me back. I stayed there another month.
July 12th, 2005 at 3:10 am
Tony
I cant say any thing that has’nt been said. I to am great at my job, know it inside and out, I’m a chef buy the way, and have been pased over for lack of “leadership skilles”. that was one mans opinion. I’ve just relocated to LA ( I know lala land) and it took a long time and alot of regection but I’ve just landed a gig as an exec-chef at a soon to be opened spot at a killer location working for some great guys. Hang in there (and you doooo hang) show em wha youve got (it’ll scare ‘em) and dont let jerks controle your emotions.
PS
On a selfish note, bring back the country boy and loose the thong and anamal prints, be yourself. I’ve got a feeling thats enough. Your gonna be great.
David
July 12th, 2005 at 5:09 pm
i call this total bullshit! what a cowardly asshole your boss is, Tony. Unfortunately it’s like that everyfuckinwhere. it will never change. you know my advice…. stick with it while you build a writing resume and pursue your true calling. be a writer! be a writer! be…a…writer!!!!
btw…i’ll bet that the fuckhead who got the job has a small prick.
July 12th, 2005 at 6:20 pm
I hate when that happens! I was going to suggest that you should turn into some raging asshole on the job; that should get you promoted. But the world needs more nice guys.
July 13th, 2005 at 1:39 am
Tony - I feel for ya buddy. You’d think that as a long-term loyal employee who consistently turns out quality work; who gets along well with his co-workers and who has demonstrated his value time after time deserves a shot at the promotion - and the dinero and responsibility that comes with it.
I think your boss’s approach and reasoning were both weak! First, it seems he wasn’t exactly thrilled to discuss the situation with you. And, no matter what he said — he could have given you a chance at the job. If for some reason you didn’t hack it as a team leader - then bring in the next guy, but it certainly seems you deserved the chance to fish or cut bait. I don’t understand why you couldn’t do what you currently do and be a team-leader at the same time.
To my way of thinking when bosses do what your boss did, they are sending you a message. As much as we may hate to read it, that is exactly what they are doing. It seems you are fine - and you really are
- fulfilling your current position, but not much more beyond that.
Is your boss the kind of manager who might be willing to help you develop whatever skills he thinks is necessary for a team leader promotion? Do you like working for him enough to try to salvage the situation and restore your pride?
After working for one employer for 6 years, I also received the “kick in the teeth.” I was designated as “in charge” when my boss was out, yet I was passed over for his job when he quit. I was upset, frustrated, embarrassed and for me, I did the unthinkable. I quit.
Back then I wasn’t as confident as I am today and I wouldn’t leave a job unless the buidling was on fire.
Long story short, it was one of the best moves I ever made. Within a year I was made manager of a department much larger and way more interesting than the one I left. I learned a great deal and eventually became self-employed.
I work hard, can pay the bills plus some and no sumbitch is ever going to screw me again. Well, you know what I mean……
Take care of yourself and believe in yourself Tony. Perhaps your boss will realize what a good thing he had in you - when you are no longer there.
Whatever you do - I sincerely wish you well.
From the land of Aloha…
Mike
July 14th, 2005 at 12:01 am
Being passed over for a promotion SUCKS no matter what the justification. I know- I’ve been there too.
I hope you find something that works for you.
July 15th, 2005 at 10:02 am
Well, like the rest of the comments, I feel for you!! I’ve been in that same situation many times…I was also good at what I did, and was passed over several times because management couldn’t quite deal with losing my skills for another job. Doesn’t make one feel any better!!! but I guess this happens too frequently. You’ll have to keep us informed as to what happens…you’re a good guy and too often the good guys finish last….keep up your good work and whatever you do, DON’T burn any bridges along the way (that’s this Daddy’s advise to you).
July 16th, 2005 at 8:00 pm
You have every right to be upset about the situation. Even when you *don’t* want the job, it’s nice to be asked, ya know?
Your boss is wrong. Being a nice guy doesn’t mean you’re not supervisory material. Being a boss doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk (though many people seem to think so). I always prefer working for someone who respects me as a person and shows it with the way he/she treats me on a daily basis. That’s the kind of boss I was, and the only staff members I had trouble with were the ones who wanted to take advantage of the situation. They found out that, while I could be a very nice guy, I also didn’t accept crap from my staff nor excuses about why they didn’t do the job they were hired for.
Your boss seems to be lacking in the soft skills. If he really cared about you as a person, he wouldn’t have sandbagged you with this. It would have been more appropriate to take you aside ahead of time and let you know what was coming. As part of that he should have explained what was happening and why he’d made the decision, as well as told you what he wanted to see from you so he could consider you for the next team leader slot.
Instead, he’s happy to treat you rudely and leave you in your current slot. If you’re happy being there, then stick with it. There’s nothing wrong with being happy with what you do, and not feeling much like changing it. But given how you feel about this situation, I have to guess that you’d like something more.
If you think you don’t have any chance of changing his mind about giving you a shot next time, looking for something new may be appropriate. Just don’t burn any bridges in the process. You may want him to give you a reference for the next job.
However it turns out, you have my best wishes. From your writings, I believe you’re a decent person, and I have to think you’re a good employee as well. Consider branching out from your current type of work, though, and see if Monster.com has any listings for junior writers. Or just contact some of the online ‘zines, like Slate, and see if they’ll give you a shot. You write a damn fine essay.