Brought To You By The Number 4
Remember how on Sesame Street there would always be a thing at the the beginning of the episode saying “Brought to you by the number (or letter) ——?” As if numbers and the alphabet were Jello or Tide. I guess numbers can be like products. Similar to how Kleenex and Coke has become interchangeable (name-wise) with any sort of tissue and soft drink (you Southerners know what I mean. Whether it’s dark brown, clear, yellow, orange, purple, lemon-lime, or cola…it’s a Coke), the number “4,” (or “4th” to be exact) has become interchangeable with Independence Day. In fact, the phrase “the 4th” has basically replaced “Independence Day.”
Nobody says “Happy Independence Day.” They all say “Happy 4th!” Most have even dropped the “of July.” That is the power of the “4th”. It doesn’t even need a month attached. Everybody knows what you mean.
I got all this in my head when I returned to work yesterday and guys were asking each other “What did you do for the 4th.” That is why I’m writing this on “the 6th” reather than “the 4th.” …Scratch that. “The 4th.” It requires a capital “T”. No one capitalizes “the 6th”. It’s just another day. Weak. Even the two other major holidays that always fall on the same date can’t get by on just their number. You say to someone, “Are you dressing up for the 31st?” You mean Halloween. They think “the 31st of what?”
“Hey, I got a cool DVD player for the 25th!”…”Oh, was it your birthday?” Christmas is not just an American holiday. It’s celebrated in many, many parts of the world. But still, it’s always “Merry Christmas!” Never “Feliz Veinticinco!” or “Joyeaux Vingt-cinq.” (I hope that internet translator was right). 25 and 31 just don’t have the power of 4.
If Christmas, Halloween, and Independence Day were all at a cocktail party for holidays, Christmas would be the most well-known, but Independence Day would be the real celebrity. Christmas would be Queen Elizabeth. “The 4th” would be Cher (known by a simple name, a bit trashy, all duded up in spangles and glitz, over 200 years old).
So how did it become simply “The 4th?” I know why it’s “The 4th” (duh), but how did it come to be? I mean don’t the French still call July 14 Bastille Day? (Whatever the hell a bastille is). Maybe Independence Day is just too much to say. Or write on posters. I know I’m tired of typing it. American’s do have a reputation for being lazy. How ironic that we are too lazy to write out the full name of the holiday celebrating our existence. It’s probably only a matter of time before Jefferson’s famous document becomes the “Declaration of The 4th.” Nah. Even “declaration” is too long a word for the 21st century. How about “Shout-out of da forf?
And why not? The 4th is all about shouting. After dark, anyway. You shoot some fire up in the sky and the rednecks go crazy. I’m not talking about your usual “oohs” and “aahs.” I’m talking about shouting at the sky. Howling even. I like fireworks as much as anybody, but some of these folks around here act like the bursts can hear them and will respond even bigger like a heavy metal band. Of course, some of this behavior is enhanced by the sweaty brown paper bags in their fists. Whether is the power of “The 4th” or the power of the fifth they are drinking, its great to see people enjoy their independence (day).
July 6th, 2005 at 6:24 am
YeeeHA! That right there is perty. Get Er DONE!
July 6th, 2005 at 12:37 pm
Other intechangable products; “Kitty Litter” is actually ‘cat box filler’ and “Rollber Blades” are actually ‘in-line skates’.
I thought the Bastille was a prison, or something. I googled it. It was a government building/castle. http://www.hightowertrail.com/Bastil.htm
But interesting concept; “Independence Day” is the only holiday refered to by it’s date.
July 6th, 2005 at 8:06 pm
Goin’ back to your comment on COKE. My understanding is that “yankees” call everything a soda.
July 8th, 2005 at 7:02 am
This being my first 4th in the south, I didn’t know what to expect. In the north everyone goes to a fireworks show. Fireworks of any kind are illegal there, so most people don’t have them. Here, they sell firework packages at the local grocery store and everyone was shooting them off in their front yard. Dave…you are soooo right. I’m a yankee living in GA..Any soft drink IS a soda. If you want a specific one, you ask for it. Coke is Coke, Mountain Dew is Mountain Dew..so on. This is taking alot of getting used to for me.
July 12th, 2005 at 5:39 pm
BASTILLE DAY celebrates the beginning of the French revolution, when disenfranchised French citizens, (not unlike American liberals) pissed upon by the elite, rich pigs in the upper class, finally had enough and took matters into their own hands.
They stormed the gulag that housed the political prisoners in Paris, called the bastille, and wreaked havoc upon all the petty, conservative asshole rich pigs like marie antoinette and King Louis VII, the George Bush of his day. They disembowled a lot of them on the spot. for the rest, they invented a cool device known as a guillotine. chop chop.
for further juicy details, read “A Tale of Two Cities” By Chas Dickens.
by the way..the guillotine almost never, ever killed on the first chop. … or the second. or even the third chop.