Comments on: All You Need Is Love

By: jrSanFran

jrSanFran — Thu, 26 May 2005 06:08:28 +0000

Society has us thinking that our committed relationships aren’t real unless we put our friends through a snoozer of a ceremony called a wedding. Follow it with bad finger food, cheap sparkling wine and the bunny-hop and it’s official. Yet, on arrival most of the guests start searching for the most discreet exit for an early departure anyway.
Forgive my cynicism but I’ve been a guest or groomsman in more weddings than I can count. And few have lasted “til death do they part”. The marriage wore out quicker than the blender that I gave them. (Sorry Tony but TN has the 4th highest divorce rate of any state. MA has the lowest)
I live in CA which has made progress but is still far from officially recognizing gay marriage. What we (gays) need is some sort of civil union that affords us the same rights & benefits as straight married couples while we are together AND after one is deceased.
Some of my closest (gay) friends are having an elaborate marriage ceremony this summer so i’m trying to control my cynicism on the issue. Fortunately, their eyes will be fixed on each other during the ceremony so they won’t see me rolling mine. But if the bouquet is tossed in my direction, it’ll hit the ground with a thud.

By: RicoSuave

RicoSuave — Thu, 26 May 2005 02:56:11 +0000

Let’s call it something different, shall we? When I think of “marriage” I think of the conservative Christian ritual that ensures procreation and proliferation of those very ideals. But let’s not forget that fags & dykes like to dress up pretty every once in a while, too! Call it a “civil union” or a “committment ceremony” (my personal fave), but don’t do what the breeders do and get “married.” Marriage can represent a ball and chain for all I care; a committment ceremony represents bricks & mortar- a foundation on which our lives can grow.

Tony, keep up the intriguing, stimulating, and fascinating writing! Oh, and if you ever need someone to wash you back in the shower, you’ve got my URL! Keep it up (hard & otherwise), big guy!

By: Nicholas Ajax Stamos

Nicholas Ajax Stamos — Thu, 26 May 2005 01:29:04 +0000

I almost didn’t leave a comment because all of the other are like novellas. But, since I was already here anyway, let me just say – If you don’t want to wear white, you could always go with a nice ivory.
*
Just a thought.

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 25 May 2005 22:09:26 +0000

Maybe your special someone could be brewing you a fine cup of coffee while you enjoy your last 15-20 minutes in bed alone… Two people can always find ways to love eachother.

PS: I have been happily married for 20 years. We had a very small and unconventional wedding. Civil ceremony, only attended by family, I did not wear white, no flowers or photographers… you get the picture (Mom was appalled). It was a really lovely country day that I will never forget. I hope you meet your special someone too.

By: TonkaManOR

TonkaManOR — Wed, 25 May 2005 17:10:37 +0000

Nice blog Tony. I’ve been with my guy over 11 years now. We’ve never had any ceremony or wedding thing, but when people ask if we’re married, most of our friends reply “they are!”. If civil unions were available and offered the same benefits and rights as marriage, we would probably participate. You’re quite a guy Tony!

Tonka

By: Melissa

Melissa — Wed, 25 May 2005 12:12:28 +0000

I got married in February and despite two huge families pressuring us to have a church wedding, we opted for a very small private ceremony. Only my parents, his sister and my best friend were there. (my son opted not to come to the ceremony and his parents are deceased) The reverand performed the ceremony, which only lasted ten minutes, in front of his fire place in his historic, quaint New England home. We’d already been together for five years, but actually getting married was a feeling I’d never experienced. It sounds mushy but, sometimes when he’s sleeping I still look at him and think “that’s MY husband…” I wish that for you too, Tony. So, someday soon I hope to be pelting you with some virtual rice as you celebrate a union with someone you love with all of your heart. Now, I know there is still the gay marriage issue, and I don’t know when that will be settled, but I know you will be happy to be married one day.

By: Scott

Scott — Wed, 25 May 2005 05:55:06 +0000

I’ve been with my guy for 11 years now and I have always said that having a marriage was not that important. We know what we mean to each other and having a ceremony isn’t going to change that. But when I’m told that I can’t get married in a country that is founded on freedom of all people, freedom of speech, separation of church and state – well, it just makes me want to do everything I can to legalize gay marriage. If not for me, then for all the gay couples that do want to get married. For me it’s the principle of the thing – if we gays aren’t going to stand up for our rights, then who will?? When heteros get married, they have friends and families behind them, giving them love and support. I bet a lot of gays and lesbians would love to see that same support.

Anyway, I was truly lucky to meet my guy when I was still quite young and I wouldn’t change our experiences together for anything in the world. I wish that for any one that would want it and I hope that you too will find it someday soon. Humans are really all the same in that regard. People want and deserve to find love in whatever way, shape or form it may come. Too bad so many people have such trouble understanding that.

By: moby

moby — Wed, 25 May 2005 04:30:57 +0000

Not everyone needs a huge ceremony to declare their commitment. However, we should all have the right do so as you so aptly put it.

I think you’d be surprised how being so totally in love w/someone can make you feel. I don’t miss the ring or the certificate at all. What I do miss is the litte things… laying all over each other on the sofa, early morning nookie, being able to kiss him whenever I want w/o a reason, holding hands, etc. Sometimes, just knowing he was there made it “all better”. Six months later, I still sometimes unconsciously roll over in bed and reach for his warmth.

Unfortunately, love is not always enough in real life. I go on because I love myself and rest secure in the knowledge that I can be the person that I want in someone else. Hang in there Big T, it’ll happen one day when you least expect it.

By: Todd

Todd — Wed, 25 May 2005 02:09:43 +0000

I actually enjoy the thought or perhaps fantasy at this point of having a wedding aka commitment ceremony. Perhaps I am a hopeless romantic, I have always pictures someone special standing before me in a nice suit and I infront of him dressed for the occasional as we exchange wonderfully beautiful words of endless love—Errrrrrt! Then there is reality. It may not ever happen. I like the idea of a storybook ending. So I’m keeping with it and perhaps one day it will happen. So on that note, I hope you find “The One”.

I couldn’t help but imagine myself indulging the aroma of my man’s home cooked meal, a washing in that shower, a head upon a chest on that sofa and in those orange and white colors. =\

By: Garnet

Garnet — Wed, 25 May 2005 01:48:06 +0000

Hey Tony.
I had a wonderful 10 year relationship. About 2 years in, when he and I decided to declare it, we did it playfully. We bought rings and exchanged them just between us, at a nice restaurant. (which happened to be deserted, and a little depressing, We didn’t want THAT much privacy!) Then we had a tiny party of a few close friends, and had a toast, announcing we were a Thing. Then we had a big party, with the invite announcing that we had decided to “garden together” for the long run. No ceremony, which I hate.

Anyway, as always, your endearing style and personality is a pleasure to enjoy, even if I never get to wash your back.