LARGETONY Blog

You have heard me mention my buddy RJ. If you haven’t, he is the one responsible for giving me “exposure” on the internet. It started out as me being a subject for some photography he wanted to do, and has morphed into the website, and now this blog. He takes care of the website and does graphic stuff for me. I write the blog.

Anyway, RJ is always looking for some way to get attention for LARGETONY.COM (how’s that, RJ? ) I talked to him on the phone this morning:

Hey, big Tone!

Hey.

We need to plan a trip to South Carolina.

He’s been wanting to get some pictures at the beach for a long time.

You know I can’t just up and go to the beach.

This isn’t about the beach. This is something else. Actually, since we’ll be down there, we can do the beach, too. Kill two birds with one stone.

So what’s going on?

I heard there’s this bar down there that has a wet jeans contest.

That sounds kind of like a college thing.

Maybe. So?

I’m almost 30.

You will win $500.

You already got my name on the check.

Come on, with that beast, how can you not win? Just imagine the look on people’s faces when they see that big hard on come into bold relief when your jeans get wetter and wetter. And I’ll get you some really tight ones so it looks like they are painted on even when they are dry. Then they get wet and start turning dark blue and clinging to you…Talk about shock and awe. Those dizzy queens will go nuts.

Even if I won something, we’d spend most of it driving down there and getting a hotel and buying tight pants.

You’re not looking big picture. After you win, I will be passing out LARGETONY.COM business cards and telling people, ‘If you want to see even more…”

You have LARGETONY.COM business cards?

No. But it’s a great idea, isn’t it? That’s where I make us some money!

I thought I was the one making us money….at least part of me was.

Promotion makes us money. People could care less about what you’re selling, if you make it sound exciting.

Gee, thanks.

Nothing against you. You know I love that big ol thang.

It’s true. RJ is definitely what they call a size queen. He’ll admit it. He even says that if it’s less than eight inches why go through the effort. Kind of interesting, it seems to me that when you get you start get up around eight it would be more of an effort. And yes, he did say “thang.” (For the record…as much as RJ likes big cocks, he has never hit on me or touched me. We’re just friends.)

So when are we doing it?

Even if I wanted to do it, which I don’t, I haven’t got time for a trip. Especially to stand around in wet pants. Plus, I don’t think I can really stay boned if I got sprayed with cold water.

I have thought of that,too. I think of everything. That’s why you love me. Cialis.

That’s like Viagra.

Only better. It’s supposed to have a quicker response time and it last FOREVER. Like 36 hours or something.

I’m supposed to walk around the beach with a big fatty in my pants for a day an a half.

Hold on. My heart just skipped….No. The way that stuff works is you have to be horny first. And if you are, then pow!

O.K. Then I WOULD be walking around with a boner for a day and a half.

It’ll make even better pictures, then.

You never give up.

Well, think about it and find some time on your calendar.

In front of a bunch of people like that. That’s just not my thing. You know that.

Tony, you have got to stop being a wallflower. Get out there and be the prize rose.

Ultimately I know he’s right. I don’t think I need to be entered in wet pants shows, but I do need to come out of my shell more…publicly anyway. If I was more agressive and put things on the line more, my life might be different now. I might have actually been able to play college basketball if had more drive to be a standout rather than being comfortable with blending in to the team. Maybe I would have something better than a blue-collar job. Maybe I’d be a writer. Maybe I would have boyfriend. The possibilties are endless.

I just need to make myself understand that the potential is endless too. No…not the potential. My potential.

Just the sound of that scares me.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 7th, 2005 at 12:48 pm and is filed under dating and sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.