We Are Not Alone
I think I can relate a little to how professional athletes felt when female reporters were first allowed into men’s locker rooms. Do you just behave the way you always did before someone of the opposite sex was present? Walk around bare-assed, talking about vulgar things, and scratch your nuts? Or do you alter your behavior so that you don’t embarrass her or yourself, while still trying treat her as an equal?
What brought all this about? I was going over comments to some of my recent posts and discovered a first. I had a female make a comment. As far as I can remember, this is the first time a female has left a message here. Thanks, Melissa! 
It never dawned on me that any women would be reading this blog. I just ignorantly assumed that it was all guys. And mostly gay guys, for that matter. But then I was also looking at the stats for my website for April and noticed that the blog main page had 7800 unique visits and around 110,000 (!) hits. Just for April. I don’t even know what to make of all that. But with those numbers, I guess it only follows that some of them have to be women.
I’ll admit I felt a tinge of embarrassment to realize that women are reading here. You see, I write this stuff off the top of my head as if I was talking to someone. And I’m usually talking to guys. I talk differently when women are around. I tend to watch my language and subject matter more. I know it sounds sexist. I don’t mean to be. I don’t see it as a “women are delicate and can’t handle strong language” sort of thing. It’s more of a respect thing. Southern men are raised to show the utmost respect to the women in their family. (My brother missed out on that lesson, but he missed out on a lot of things.) When a female sports reporter goes into the locker rooms, a good guy will at least put on a towel.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind women coming here at all. I just never expected it. But I wonder if I would have written differently if I realized a woman was reading. Would I have talked about different things or, at least, said them differently. I don’t think that, by anyone’s standards, I have a filthy mouth. But I’m not afraid of saying certain words or talking about certain thing either. I have written on some topics that I probably would not talk to a woman about. And that’s my problem. It’s something that I need to overcome. If it’s not a big deal to the woman reading, why should it be a big deal to me?
Maybe I feel a little embarrassed because I really don’t have any close female friends and therefore don’t really know how to talk to women. But in writing this entry I’m figuring out that the way to talk to a woman is probably just like I would anyone else. There will be women who won’t want to hear what I have to say, the same way there will be men who won’t want to hear what I have to say. And hopefully there will be both who do have an interest in what I say and how I say it.
The best thing I have found about blogging and the internet in general, is that it exposes you to new ideas, and you can expose new people to your ideas. They can learn from you, and you can learn from them. Thanks, Melissa, for teaching me something about myself!
May 2nd, 2005 at 10:44 pm
Well Tony thank YOU for such a nice post in my honor. I am not really sure how I found your blog, but I stop in now and then to check on your goings-on. I have recently moved to the South and I guess what I found so appealing was your matter-of-fact attitude in your posts. Just tell it how it is. It’s much better that way. Please don’t change anything on my account… =)
May 3rd, 2005 at 8:57 am
I’ll second Melissa’s comments…please, please, please, don’t change anything about how you write or what you write about…and especially how you say it. That’s what makes you worth reading…your matter-of-fact attitude and your down to earth observations. I’m glad that you can attract all people…makes us gays that much more mainstream….
May 3rd, 2005 at 10:00 am
I didn’t know they allowed girls on the internet. I thought the Internet was invented so Gay Men would have a place to hook-up. Now that I know there are girls on here, I’m going to have to spend some time thinking about this….ummmmmm
May 4th, 2005 at 6:52 am
My ! Tony ! I used to come and read your blog. But now i like it. More and more. So simple, so efficient…
Chapeau bas monsieur.
May 5th, 2005 at 1:53 am
You know I have never really thought about that. Now my curiousity is going as to how many females have visited my blog. Looking back on some of the things I have talked about. Probably seems pretty hilarious now. Like one instance of “peeing in the shower” or “enemas”. Strangely enough those wouldn’t be anything that I wouldn’t talk about with my mother or my sister. So, I guess I wouldn’t be embarrassed. My life is obviously an open book. I do need more female friends in my life. I have none right now. Probably easier for me to find a “girl friend” than it would be a boyfriend.
May 8th, 2005 at 9:58 am
Don’t be too surprized! Maybe you could perform a survey to find who your blog readers are. BTW - don’t use clean language for my benefit.
May 9th, 2005 at 9:18 am
I just want to say, my sister was the one who introduce me to your site. She says gay porn sites are the only ones that show her pictures of naked men. Your link was attached to one of them. She said I would like your witty observations and clear writing. She likes your writing also & is only upset that I have a better chance hooking up with you then she does. she thinks you are fine(Sorry Heidi for telling your secret).