The Sparts Page
I had heard a lot about that online test to see how “straight-acting” a gay man you are. I really don’t like the phrase “straight-acting” because it implies you’re trying to be something other than yourself. Gay men (and straight men,too) all have varying degrees of behavior/interest that are typically straight and typically gay. But that’s another blog.
I took the test, and one of the questions had you check off a list of sports that you watch. I guess I fell toward the typically straight end on that one becuase I checked off football (which you regular vistors to the page know I love.); basketball (which is the sport I am best at playing); and boxing (which I really don’t care to watch becuase of the direct violence, but I get a kick out of punching the heavy bag.).
Among the things that I did not check was figure-skating. Not only because it bores me, but I just can’t accept that it is a sport. I know I am going to catch a lot of flack here, but it just doesn’t have the elements of sport.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that it isn’t very difficult and very physically challenging. It’s grueling I’m sure. The way they huff and puff while they wait for their scores, it’s obvious that its a huge cardiovascular challenge. But what I also see while they wait for their scores is that they are huffing and puffing in their sparkly costumes and make-up. Forgive me all you lovers of skating, but sports just don’t come with sequins.
Sequins, make-up, routines set to music: that’s an art. Figure-skating is an art, not a sport. Just like ballet dancing or something. Dancers are very physically fit like sports athletes. They put great demands on their bodies like sports athletes. But no one puts the Martha Graham dancers (ART) in the same category as the New York Yankees.(SPORT) So why does figure skating get put in the sports column and not dance?
Isn’t figure skating really dance with skates on? If figure skating is a sport, then Disney on Ice is the superbowl. I realize that figure skating is related to and/ or derived from ice sports like speed skating and hockey. But neither of those comes with music and glitz.
Look at pro wrestling: Amazingly athletic physical specimens engaged in intense competition while wearing glamorous costumes (and a hell of a lot of makeup), but everyone agrees that its entertainment, not sport.
Sport is purely objective. You cross the goal line in football, you get six points. The other guys cross the goal line and they get six points. You aren’t graded on how you crossed the line. But art is subjective. What’s the best is purely based on opinion.
I’m not saying get rid of figure skating. I’m just saying call it what it is..ART. Ok, how about a little bit of sport, but mostly art: SPART. Figure Skating can be the flagship Spart, leading an endless parade of rhinestones, mascara, and perfect tens into the sparting world…followed by diving, gymnastics, bodybuilding, and synchronized swimming.