LARGETONY Blog

This just in from Reuters News Service:

Pentagon Spurned Plan to Initiate Enemy Homosexuality

By Jim Wolf
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. military rejected a 1994 proposal to develop an “aphrodisiac” to spur homosexual activity among enemy troops but is hard at work on other less-than-lethal weapons, defense officials said Sunday.

The idea of fostering homosexuality among the enemy figured in a declassified six-year, $7.5 million request from a laboratory at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio for funding of non-lethal chemical weapon research.

The proposal, disclosed in response to a Freedom of Information request, called for developing chemicals affecting human behavior “so that discipline and morale in enemy units is adversely affected.”

“One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior,” said the document, obtained by the Sunshine Project. The watchdog group posted the partly blacked-out, three-page document on its Web site.

Lt. Col. Barry Venable of the Army, a Defense Department spokesman, said: “This suggestion arose essentially from a brainstorming session, and it was rejected out of hand.”

So, the U.S. Military considered, although briefly, the idea of creating a chemical weapon that would supposedly turn the enemy gay and thereby disrupt their morale. There’s really only one response to that: “WHAT THE FUCK???”

Homosexuality as a weapon? They thought they could drop a cloud of chemicals on enemy soldiers and they would suddenly drop their weapons and go for their guns? (You know, “This is my weapon/This is my gun / One is for fighting / The other’s for fun” from “Full Metal Jacket”).

Let’s just say the chemical would work and overnight fox holes and bunkers would be filled with banging fuck holes. Military men who haven’t gotten laid in months are now fucking their brains out, trading sloppy blow jobs, giving a whole new meaning to military service. And to beat all, since everyone is under the effects of the chemical, nobody is saying that it’s wrong and no one is receiving a discharge for their behavior. (At least not the bad kind of discharge.) This is going to hurt morale?? Sounds like a bunch of satisfied guys to me. And as obsessed as gay men are with physical conditioning these days, it seems to me that with all that sexual frustration out of the way, you’d have a bunch of clear-thinking fighting machines.

I think the U.S. forces were expecting to unload the “gay bomb” and perhaps follow up with an air drop of margaritas and glow sticks and create among the enemy a Fire Island in the desert…Friendly Fire Island.

I guess the powers that be have seen too many pornos where the “Drill” Instructor forces the young recruit to “drop and give him ten” and don’t realize that our own military is filled with gay men, not asking and not telling, performing exemplary service to the country (ironically a country that refuses to acknowledge and or accept their existence.) while keeping their hands out of each others pants. Wasn’t it the straight guys involved in the Tailhook Scandel? Was it not a straight guy who just went to prison for sexually abusing and torturing Iraqui soldiers?

If they could actually develop a chemical that promotes homosexuality, why don’t they use it where it could do some good? Like on those extermintor trucks that spray for mosquitos that spread West Nile virus. Hit the insects with it so they stop populating and eventually die off.

When are they going to get it that being gay doesn’t make you unfit to fight? When you think about it, maybe gay men are more suited to life in the military than straight guys. After all, soldiers are expected to be very neat and tidy; they are in great shape; they have good rhythm (all that marching); and dare I mention hummers?

Maybe that’s why they abandoned the idea. Hit the enemy with the “gay spray” and it might end up creating a unit of super soldiers.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 18th, 2005 at 10:25 am and is filed under humor, topical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.