The ‘Roid Rage
There was a once a time that if sports heroes did something bad, it would devestate and enrage their fans. “Say it ain’t so Joe!” O.J Simpson “allegedly” slashed his wife to ribbons, and it set back racial harmony 30 years. But when it was announced that baseball’s Jason Giambi admitted to the use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs, nobody blinked. I don’t even think people bothered to shrug. Is it that we are so used to corruption and deception in today’s world that we are desensitized. Or was it just because it’s obvious he’s been juiced? Jeez, look at him. Besides, everybody in sports is doing steroids. They’re all the rage!
Okay, not EVERYBODY is doing steroids, but a lot of guys (and a few women) in sports are on steroids and/or other performance enhancing drugs. I sort of feel sorry for them. But I don’t know which athletes to feel more sorry for: the guys who feel compelled to use them, even though they are illegal and dangerous, just to keep up and stay competitive; or the guys who are smart enough to not use them, but can’t reach the top of their game because they are stuck in the shadow of the juiced-up bohemoths they call team mates.
I think mostly I feel sorry for Giambi. I feel sorry for the man because, when you think about it, he’s not very bright. Sure, he admitted in grand jury testimony that he was a product of drug enhancement. But that wasn’t stupid. That was the right thing to do: tell the truth when under oath. The stupid thing was thinking that his testimony would remain a secret. Given that his statements before the grand jury were made about a year ago, it stayed secret just long enough to make him not worry about it. And during that time he openly swore to the media and fans that he never used any helpers. That’s like saying that meatloaf does not have bread crumbs or any other fillers.
So imagine his surprise when he awoke one morning last week, rolled the high-priced hooker off of him, went to take a morning piss, only to return to see his hulked-out former self (he stopped using in the last year while on the injured list) splashed across the screen on CNN.
As the story unfolded, the great depths of his stupidity were revealed. Among the things he testified that he used were two forms of steriods known by those on the inside as “the cream”and” the clear”. The “clear was some sort of drop you took under your tongue. The other, the ‘cream” was just what it say’s….a cream. A cream that you smeared on your muscles.
According to naiive Mr. Giambi, he didn’t know that “the cream” was an illegal substance. He said that he did not know what he was using. Um…if you don’t know what something is, would you rub it into your skin? Yeah, Jason, right. And that white powder that came in the mail today is talc. Shake a little of that on your sweaty balls.
Which brings me to another point. Professional athletes are all about their bodies. Their bodies are their livelyhood. They are trained to know everything about everything that goes into or onto their bodies. There is no way one of them is going to use something that they have no idea what it is. He knew what that cream was for. Unless one of the other Yankees pulled a prank and put a label marked “skin moisturizer” on the jar, I’m not buying it.
And that “clear” stuff? You use a syringe and place the drops under your tongue. Unless that’s where you store your contacts and your cleaning soultion is not poisonous, then I’m gonna suspect the worst. And so will all the other smart people.
Now Barry Bonds…he’s smart. He won’t admit to what he’s obviously doing. He’s sticking to his story that he’s clean. He stood before the grand jury and proudly folded his 20 inch arms across his 55 inch chest in defiance and flat out lied. He’s so smart that his trainer is the one who’s actually taking the heat. This way, Bonds does not have admit to his past and it buys him time to get clean before baseball finally cracks down on the drug testing. But by then, he will have shattered Hank Aaron’s home run record and be glorified in the record books.
Giambi? Who knows? He’s gonna need some great spin to put this behind him. He’s not using anymore. He’s had no need to because he hasn’t played in months (injured list). It’s probably a good thing. If he had been using when this story broke, it would have made him angry. Very very angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.*
*From “The Incredible Hulk”