It Was The Best of Times
It was one of the most perfect days of your life. Literally, figuratively, emotionally, spiritually, every fucking “-ly” you can think of. First off, the day was freakin’ gorgeous. What happened to the remants of Ivan that were supposed to stick with us through tomorrow??? Mother Nature knew that this was Florida Week and she wasn’t gonna fuck with Tennessee. She understands how important football is around these parts. I’m telling you, a Tennessee football game will change your life. So anyway, the weather was perfect. Not a cloud in the sky. Temperatures in the 70’s and low humidity (that’s right, low humidty in East Tennessee. Don;t forget summer is not officially over until Tuesday, and not for several more Tuesdays in Tennessee.)
Great weather means going to the game! WHoo-hoo! Oh, wait a minute. When I was sure that it would be ark-necessary weather, I sold my ticket. So I got granny situated and arranged for a friend to come in and get her dinner and to bed and headed off mid-afternoon to the big city (Knoxville) to try and score a ticket on the street before the 8:00 game. But this was Tn vs. Florida. The highest scalped tickets of the season. They were going in the paper for up to $600. Hell, I had sold mine for $175. I had originally paid $40, so I was $135 ahead.
This was goin to be a trick. Find a ticket just HOURSs before a sold out game when people are giving up their first-borns for them. I need a ticket I can afford and someone who will sell me just one. (no seller wants to be holding one ticket.) But as I said, it was a great day. Around 4:30 I found a pair for $200. Was afarid to pass it up so I took it and that left me $65 behind. The price of great football.
Since I had some time on my hand and I was near downtown Knoxville, I went to this resturant and had the most amazing hamburger on the planet. It was huge and smothered on barbeque sauce and bacon and cheese. You could tell it was fresh meat and not some frozen patty. In-fucking-credible!! Even the fries had this fantastic seasoning on them. YEAH. This is gonna be a great day.
So, I decided to stay parked downtown and walk to the stadium. About a mile walk I guess. I could have taken a shuttle or the trolley but wanted to burn off the burger. Ran into some GAtor fans up from Gainseville as I was walking. That’s the cool thing about football around here. You may have a big insane intense rivalry, but you can all still party together. So, anyway, I find out that one of the Gator dudes is going to try to get a ticket when they get near campus. I immediately felt the swelling in my pocket. Not my cock…my wallet. So I let him have my extra ticket for a mere $100. That’s right, $35 dollars ahead, baby! And the bonus of sitting with someone you think is gonna be cool. You don;t want to be in the home section with some freak from the other side.
So the sun sets just before game time and a perfect cresent moon rises abouve the stadium in a clear starry sky. It was one of those moons you always see ladies sitting inside in old drawings. The band does its pre-game show, which ends with them breaking into a “T” formation, playing “Rocky Top” and the team comes running from the locker room through the “T” and onto the field. Pandemonium! Ladies and Gentlemen, it Football Time In Tennessee!
Florida wins the coin toss and elects to have Tennessee recieve first. During the series of of its first posession, TN fumbles and FLA recovers the ball to take possession which leads to a FLA touchdown in the first 3 minutes of the game. But in their next series, TN scores as well…tie game 7-7. And this is how it went most of the evening. Florida pulling ahead, then tennessee tieing it and then pulling ahead, then Florida tieing it, etc. Neither team was never more than one touchdown ahead.
So..its 4th Quarter and only 4 minutes or so left to the game. Florida is ahead 28-21. But Tennessee has the ball and scores. It’s now 28-27. I’m hoping that the Tn coaches will just go for the extra point kick and tie the game rather than try a 2-point conversion which could win it. The kick is a much easier chance to score and we’ve got a kciker who has not missed an extra-point kick through the goal posts in 47 tries. No-brainer right? Tennessee’s kicker James Wilhoit came onto the field (Thank God). Gave the ball a good kick. Up it went and OUTSIDE the goal posts. It was no good. The man has not missed a kcik in 41 tries and he misses NOW??? Now when we had a chance to tie the game and go into overtime?? It was just an extra point kick. Not a high pressure situation or a long kick.
Well..that was it. only 3 minutes left to play and Florida has the ball. They just need to play it smart and maintain possession and run the clock out. Tennessee has no time outs left so they can;t stop the clock. But Florida didn’t burn the clock enough and Tn held them to only 4 downs, so with 43 seconds left to play Tn regained possession. Not enough time for a touchdown scoring drive (unless a reciever was suddenly open) but enough to get in field goal range and go for 3 point kick. We were helped by a 15 yrd penalty against Florida and after a small drive Tn went for a field goal with 6 seconds left.
Out comes James Wilhoit, the kicker. The one who blew it earlier. Now he had a much longer kick of 50 yards (Half the field!) and his personal best ever was 51 yards. Like the end of a movie, everything hinged on this kick. If it goes in, Tenn moves ahead 30-27 and wins and he redeems his fuck up. But if not, he remains the goat, and Florida goes home victorious, contiuning a streak of beating Tn at Tn home field. (ever since 1998, whichever team was the home team lost in the Tn/Fla matchups). A loss would also put a big kink in Tn chances of winning its conference.
So I’m twisted in knots. I pull the neck of my t-shirt up to my forehead cause I can’t watch. But the material was light enough I could still sort of see figures through it. The holder sets the ball. Wilhoit gives it a kick. It goes up high and spiraling. It’s gonna be long enough! Will it just go between the posts? You know how in movies this would all go in slow motion?? You know why they do that? Becuase in real life it goes in slow motion too! I swear to god the 3 seconds that ball was in the air, it was more like 30.
Then, also just like in the movies, the kick is GOOD! SUPER-MEGA PANDEMONIUM!! TENNESSEE WINS!!! TENNESSEEE BEATS FLORIDA!! TENNESSEE BEATS FLORIDA AT HOME!! (first time since 1998) TENNESSEE BEATS FLORIDA TWO YEARS IN A ROW!! (first time since 1971)
Yeah, it was one of the most perfect days of your life.
Part II later…. (oh, yeah, there MORE…and it ain’t about football :-))